Thursday, September 26, 2013

'Drunken Street Corner Sailor'

 A drunk sailor smashed to the gills, staggered out of the bar and was holding
himself up by the lamp post staring blearily around.  He spotted this gentleman across the street who managed to engage all the pretty girls in a brief conversation as they went by.  Well, this looked pretty good to him, so he staggered across the street and went up the man and demanded to know what was up...

"Get lost you drunk squid… go back to your own corner!"

"Not till you tell me what's going on!"

"Get out of here!"

"(Hiccup) Nope…  Not till you tell me what's going on."

"If I tell you, will you go away?" 


"OK.  Every time a pretty girl comes along, I tip my hat and say to her
'Tickle your ass with a feather?'  Now, usually, they look shocked and say something like 'What did you say?' at which time I tell them 'Particularly nasty weather, isn't it?'  They think they didn't understand me and go on their way, nobody is offended.  Eventually the right woman with a sense of adventure will come along and we'll go off and have a good time."

The drunken sailor thought this sounded pretty good, so he staggered back across the street and held on to his light pole again. Pretty soon a young lady came along and he called out…

"Hey lady!  Stick a feather up your ass?"

"What did you say?!"

"I said, sure is fucked up weather, ain't it?"

Monday, September 23, 2013

'Three Drunken Sailors'

Three drunken sailors show up at the local whorehouse in Spain and the madam realizes they are too drunk to be able to function.  One by one, she sends them up to a room containing an inflatable rubber love doll. 

The first drunk returns bragging…

“That’s the best sex I’ve ever had!”

The second drunken sailor does the same, but the third one returns with a puzzled look on his face.  When asked about it by his buddies he says…

"I thought I was doing great until I bit her on the tit… she let a fart and flew out the window!!!" 

Monday, September 16, 2013

'More Skivvy Waver Humor'

The new ensign was standing his first night watch on the bridge of a destroyer. Far out on the horizon, the USS New Jersey was conducting a night gunnery exercise.

The ensign, seeing the flashes of light from the battleship, ran excitedly up to the signal bridge and pointed out the Morse Code coming from the other ship to which the ensign queries…

 "What are they saying… What are they saying?!?"

To which the Signalman retorts…

 "Boom. Boom!!!"