Sunday, April 26, 2020

"Fiddler's Green"



Fiddler's Green is an after-life where there is perpetual mirth, a fiddle that never stops playing, and dancers who never tire. In 19th-century maritime folklore, it was a kind of after-life for sailors who had served at least fifty years at sea. A Valhalla for sailors if you will! 

At Fiddler’s Green, where seamen true

When here they’ve done their duty

The bowl of grog shall still renew

And pledge to love and beauty.

Herman Melville describes a Fiddler's Green as a sailors' term for the place on land "providentially set apart for dance-houses, doxies, and tapsters" in his novella Billy Budd, Sailor, in 1924.

The author Richard McKenna wrote a story, first published in 1967, entitled "Fiddler's Green", in which he considers the power of the mind to create a reality of its own choosing, especially when a number of people consent to it. The main characters in this story are also sailors, and have known of the legend of Fiddler's Green for many years.

Some places associated with the Navy and Marine Corp have been named Fiddler's Green:

The U.S. Navy enlisted club Sasebo, Japan from 1952 to 1976

The enlisted men's club at Bainbridge Naval Training Center

The base pub at the Joint Forces Training Base, Los Alamitos, CA

An artillery only pub for the 10th Marine Regiment, Camp Lejeune, NC

A small E-club on the U.S. Marine Corps' Camp Pendleton in area 43 (Las Pulgas)

… and …

The U.S. Marine Corps operates Firebase Fiddler's Green in the heart of the Helmand River Valley, in Helmand Province, Afghanistan.




Saturday, April 25, 2020

“A Navy Chief’s Prayer for Serenity”


I thought this one to be quite fitting for those years wearing the anchors …






Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I cannot accept,


And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill today because they got on my nerves.

And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today,
as they may be connected to the feet I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me always to give 100% at work...

12% on Monday,
23% on Tuesday,
40% on Wednesday,
20% on Thursday
and 5% on Friday

And help me to remember...

When I'm having a bad day and it seems that people are trying to wind me up,


it takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to extend my arm and smack someone in the mouth!


Thursday, April 23, 2020

"They Just Don’t Let Sailors Have Fun Anymore"



There were some sailors who were known for their alcohol, womanizing behavior, chronic gambling and on their best days full of wonderfully colorful language.  Probably the last people you’d look to for advice on life.  We got paid for shit sometimes with for the worst jobs on the planet that could push a fella deeper into his alcohol fueled despair making for one hell of a complainer.  How many times had Jack Tar woken up on the floor passed out from the night before in his own puke and pissed stained skivvies!

Yet despite all of the misery, we can look back and say …

“Those were the best damned days of my life!”
 
When we reverse the tape of our old crusty analog minds we realize how much we perceived the civilian world to be everything we lacked in life. It was like a laser-pointer focusing in on the very things we wished to be but weren’t and the things we missed from home like that “Suzie Rotten-Crotch” who wrote you that “Dear John” letter and made you regret what you no longer had.  This fixation of growing out your hair and no longer being owned by the man only served to remind us of what we wanted but didn’t have … what we dreamed to be but were not.  The world constantly reminds us through commercial advertisement of what we should be and what we are not and why we should give a flying ‘fuck!’ 

Ironically back in the day, these fellas made the finest shipmates who taught us some of the most valuable lessons in life.  I think it’s something missed in today’s Canoe Club Cabaret.  It seems everyone is too busy trying to 'cover their ass to make the next rank.’  There seems to be no more risk taking, and everyone is bitching about losing internet connectivity while underway … or the “A/C” is too cold … the ice cream machine is broken again … or I can’t get my nails done if we’re going to be underway for two weeks! You old farts think I’m shitting you? Check out one of these new fan-dangled Twenty-First Century ships our shipmates serve on today and you’ll wonder why the hell anyone’s got anything to complain about!

Our old salts slept in hammocks and cots back in the day with no A/C and no privacy … we slept in cramped berthings with little to no privacy and rarely any A/C on old Frams, Knox & Adams class frigates and destroyers. If someone farted on the port side of berthing you could calculate how long it took to reach you on the starboard side! Nowadays they got rack curtains as thick as cowhide and personal fans in each secluded rack. Some even adjust to a 45 degree angle … I shit you not!!!  

I’ve been retired for ten years now, and I tell you I don’t think I could make it in today’s Navy! Today’s Canoe Club, one alcohol related incident can put away your career … FOR GOOD! It ain’t your Daddy’s Navy no more. Sailors just aren’t allowed to have fun.  I once stood duty while the ship’s company was having a “mandatory fun” function off base. The Command Duty Officer came in and brought us a couple of beers on the mess decks after we got off watch. He just wanted to make sure we got to enjoy some of the fun we were missing out on. You won’t see that in today’s “Kinder Gentler Navy!” 

There used to be an old saying that slowly dissipated in the mid 1990s’ …

“What is said and done onboard stays onboard!”

I think “TP” Danaher was the last Skipper I heard use those words onboard the Lucky No. “7” and I appreciate it more today than I ever did back then. When I was an LPO, my Chief told me to “keep it inside the lifelines.”  If I can’t keep control of the Division and he has to come down and fix things then I’m not doing my job and don’t deserve to wear the anchors.  When the skipper defers his responsibilities outside the skin of the ship, I would think the same. But it seems that ain’t the case no more. 

The ol’ Salt used to say …

“Go out and get a tattoo, raise some hell overseas, go to Skippy’s Mast, drink a lot of beer and enjoy your youth!”

That’s what I joined the Navy for!

They just don’t let sailors have fun anymore …

Saturday, April 18, 2020

"Royal Navy Joke"

Okay, this one is a RN joke! But in this world where it’s supposedly cool to be “PC” I found this one to be pretty gauddamned funny … Our English Brethren have quite the sense of humour …  Enjoy!!!





Having initially named the first two ships HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless, the Naming Committee has, after intensive pressure from Brussels , renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence. The next five ships are to be HMS Empathy, HMS Circumspect, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous and HMS Apologist.


Costing £850 million each, they comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights laws.

The Royal Navy fully expects any future enemy to be jolly decent and to comply with the same high standards of behaviour.

The new user-friendly crow's nest has excellent wheelchair access.

Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims.

Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on board, as will a full sympathetic industrial tribunal.

The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and will contain the correct balance of race, gender, sexuality and disability.

Sailors will only work a maximum of 37hrs per week as per Brussels Rules on Working Hours, even in wartime.

All the vessels are equipped with a maternity ward, a creche and a Gay Disco.

Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but recreational cannabis will be allowed in wardrooms and messes.

The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation for; "Rum, sodomy and the lash"; so out has gone the rum ration, replaced by sparkling water.

Sodomy remains, now extended to include all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available on request.


Saluting of officers is now considered elitist and has been replaced by "Hello Sailor".

All information on notices boards will be in 37 different languages and Braille.

Crew members will now no longer have to ask permission to grow beards and/or moustaches. This applies equally to female crew.

The MoD is inviting suggestions for a "non-specific" flag because the White Ensign may offend minorities. The Union Jack must never be seen.

The newly re-named HMS Cautious will be commissioned shortly by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull.

She will gently slide into the sea as the Royal Marines Band plays "In the Navy" by the Village People.

Her first deployment will be to escort boatloads of illegal immigrants to ports on England 's south coast.

The Prime Minister said, "Our ships reflect the very latest in modern thinking and they will always be able to comply with any new legislation from Brussels ."

His final words were, "Britannia waives the rules."


Friday, April 17, 2020

"Sailors Being Sailors II"


Back in the Scurvy days of the ol’ Canoe Club, men on voyages spent long months without female companionship. Homo-erotic behavior may had been the cause of such tally-wagging nature of the Wog Queen contests and sucking the cherry out of the Royal baby’s belly! Months underway could turn a young scallywag into a true hardened man! Sailors coming back from deployment would spend their hard earned money on booze, temporary housing, food, entertainment, and women, even if they had to pay for the privilege.

Dr. William Sanger, the resident doctor of a New York City’s women’s prison, Blackwell Island, conducted a study in the mid 1850’s. When seamen came to the city in large numbers after a period of good weather, Sanger noted waterfront brothels were crowded, and for a few days, or while the sailors’ wages last, a very extensive business is carried on. Sanger described the process in which case many sailors and prostitutes became companions.

The bars and ballrooms became the reception area for many a meeting where weather-beaten sailors caroused and drank to the foam.  In the course of time a Swabby would get intoxicated, then a girl whom he had honored with his special attention conveyed him to bed, and once business was conducted she left him there to sleep himself sober.

Dr. Sanger once wrote,

“If, by any miracle, all the seamen and strangers visiting New York could be transformed into moral men, at least half to two-thirds of the houses of ill repute would be absolutely bankrupt.”

Yep, it seems it was all about Booze, Babes & Good Times ... not necessarily in that order.

Here are a few pics of various shipmates over the years doing what sailors do best ... I hope you all enjoy!!!






































Fin ...


Tuesday, April 14, 2020

"The Last Shanty"



Well me father often told me when I was just a lad


A sailor's life was very hard, the food was always bad

But now I've joined the navy, I'm aboard a man-o-war

And now I've found a sailor ain't a sailor any more


Don't haul on the rope, don't climb up the mast

If you see a sailing ship it might be your last
Just get your civies ready for another run ashore

A sailor ain't a sailor, ain't a sailor anymore


Well the killock of our mess he says we've had it soft


It wasn't like this in his day when he was up aloft

We like our bunks and sleeping bags, but what's a hammock for?

Swinging from the deckhead, or lying on the floor?


Well they gave us an engine that first went up and down

Then with more technology the engine went around

We know our steam and diesel but what's a mainyard for?

A stoker ain't a stoker with a shovel anymore.


Well they gave us Aldiss lamp so we could do it right


They gave us a radio, we signaled day and night

We know our codes and cyphers but what's a semaphore?

A bunting-tosser doesn't toss the bunting anymore


Two cans of beer a day and that's your bleeding lot


Now we get an extra one because they've stopped the tot

So we'll put on our civie clothes and find a pub ashore

A sailor's still a sailor just like he was before


Saturday, April 11, 2020

"Salty"



A sailor walked into a bar after a long time at sea. Desperate to get down to business, he walked up to a sexy blonde and asked, “Hey baby, do you like sea men?”

She replied, “Not really. Too salty!”



What do you call a salty sailor?

A seasoned veteran.



Have you ever wondered...

If sperm whales are the reason the ocean is salty?



A woman comes back from her date with a sailor and tells her friend …

"We had sex in the back of the car and his penis reminded me of a peanut!"

"Ha ha! Because it was so tiny?"

"No. Salty."

Saturday, April 4, 2020

"Castaways"



Two shipmates were adrift on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean after their ship had sunk.  While searching through the boat's provisions one of the sailors stumbled upon an old brass lamp. 

Secretly hoping a Genie would appear he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of both castaways, A Genie came forth.  This particular Genie, however, stated he could only deliver one wish, not the typical three we are accustomed to.  Without giving any thought to the idea the thirsty sailor blurted out …

“Make the entire ocean into rum!”

The Genie clapped his hands with a thundering crash, and immediately thereafter the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mere mortals.  Simultaneously the Genie disappeared as quickly as he appeared.  Now only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull of the boat broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstance. 

The second sailor looked disgustingly at the first and said …

“Now you’ve done it! Now we’re going to have to pee in the boat!”

Friday, April 3, 2020

"Coca-Cola Pin Ups"


Nothing like an American retro style pinup sailor girl holding a bottle of refreshing Coca-Cola to get your day started. Here’s a mild collection of Coca-Cola Pin up art I hope you ol’ salts will enjoy! Just ad Rum …



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Fin!!!