Back in the days of the “Drunken Sailor with a Girl in Every Port” we sure had some fun now didn’t we fellas? Here is a collection of the shenanigans from a long-gone era when we ruled "King of the World" and we weren’t afraid to share our masculinity with the world. I hope you enjoy this group of picks…
Here are some various Navy Cartoons I’ve collected from the past that I hope to bring cheer to your day. Enjoy…
A sailor,
a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves
stranded on an island. After being there a while, they got into the habit of
going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular
evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze warm and
gentle—a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started
looking better and better to the horny swabby.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks
passed by and low and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was
a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She
was badly injured when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to
health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their
evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds,
a warm and gentle breeze—perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon the man
started to get “those feelings” again. He fought them as long as he could, but
he finally gave in, leaned over to the young woman, and cautiously whispered in
her ear …
“Would
you mind taking the dog for a walk?”
Just
another evening sitting around the butt kit on the fantail shoot’n the shit
with the new guy talking about things your Grandma would not want to associate
with. We were good at those kinds of things before the Canoe Club Cabaret came to
town…
“ I heard
Smitty got a case of the crabs the other night hanging out in the hole in the wall
downtown. Anybody know what’s up with that?””
“Ah hell,
crabs is something you gotta watch out for. You can pick up those things on a dirty
shitter in no time.”
“Well, if
you had to, you could get rid of them by putting a mirror on the floor. Then
squat over the mirror and the crabs will see another set of balls and jump on
the mirror. Then you then take off running and leave the bastards behind.”
“That’s
the dumbest shit I ever heard!”
“An old
Chief told me the best way to get rid of crabs was to shave half of your pubes,
pour lighter fluid on the other half, light it on fire then stab them with an
ice pick when they come running out from the fire.”
“That ain’t
nothing. I heard the Marines put lighter fluid on their balls and light it up.
When the little critters run out, those damn marines shoot’em up with a trusty
ol’ 45.”
“That’s
so stupid … I wouldn’t put it past one of them jarheads.”
“Well, I
heard of guys using JP5 to get rid of crabs!”
“Hell, we
used kerosene back in Nam.”
“You old
coot! Of course you did.”
“On the “USS
Last Ship” this girl gave me crabs and the clap the night before a dress white
Admiral inspection in Subic ... you haven't lived until your standing in that
hot sun for over an hour dripping and wanting to rip a hole in your pocket
to scratch your balls...
“Hell, back
in Bootcamp, our brother Company had a crab infestation that was passed through
their laundry. We gave them the nickname, “Crab company!”
“Here’s a
no-shitter! Back when I was stationed at the Naval Hospital in Oakland, our skipper
stayed home and sent the XO to a conference back east. The skipper loved
seafood so the XO had a case of crabs and some 'Old Bay' sent to him. The Base paper wanted
to publish the story … "XO gives CO crabs".....!”
“We told
the new guys not to let their blankets or sheets touch the floor. Cause them there
were circus crabs, and they could jump from one rack to the next!”
“After a
visit to Ocho Rios the crabs were so bad they “were” jumping from rack to rack!
Thank God I was spared but I think engineering berthing was infested. I’d never
seen so much ball scratching at quarters.”
“I had a
buddy get "clap of the yap" (gonorrhea in the throat). They had to
put a tube down his throat!”
… And
there you have it. Another typical evening of shoot’n the shit with the new guy
next to the butt kit on the fantail. I think they call it hazing or some shit
nowadays. Who would’ve guessed that fuck’n with the new guy would get you in so
much trouble…
♪♪ Whiskey-o, Johny-o ♪♪
Rise her up from down below
Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey-o
Up aloft this yard must go
John rise her up from down below
Now whiskey is the life of man
Always was since the world began
Now whiskey gave me a broken nose
And whiskey made me pawn me clothes
Now whiskey is the life of man
Whiskey from that old tin can
I thought I heard the first mate
say
I treats me crew in a decent way
A glass of whiskey all around
And a bottle full for the shanty man
(Spoken: Up she blew!)
( Fin )
New Navy Fireman was sent down to ask the Chief down in the Pit …
“Hey, Chief! Can you tell me what valves do I line up to pipe the Admiral Aboard?”
( FiN )
The
doughty Dutch who challenged the might of the British Navy during the 17th
century, even though they failed to vanquish the Anglo armada, have left their
mark on the legends of the sea.
In many a
sea yarn and expression, varied usages of the term “Dutch” crop up. Most
renowned perhaps, the “Flying Dutchman.” This was the ship of the legendary
Dutch sea captain, Van der Decken, who was condemned for impiety to cruise
forever off the Cape of Good Hope. For a long time, it was considered a bad omen to see the “Flying Dutchman.” Superstitious seamen were often
reporting her. Today a “Flying Dutchman” is a person dogged by bad luck.
The “Dutchman
log” is a crude expedient used in small and slow vessels for measuring speed. “Dutch
courage” has come to mean liquor-inspired bravery. This comes from the fact
that sailors believed gin was served out in the Dutch Navy before a battle.
A “Dutchman’s
anchor” refers to something important that has been forgotten or left behind.
It’s probably from the old jest about a Dutch shipmaster who had forgotten to
bring his anchor along, and so lost his ship. The “Dutchman’s breeches” is a
small patch of sky at the end of a storm – “a patch big enough to make a
Dutchman a pair of breeches.”
An old
punishment that consisted of pumping under conditions where drowning would
follow cessation of work was carried out on a “Dutch pump.”
And “if
that don’t beat the Dutch” comes from the early day British-Dutch sea battles
where the English sailors found the Hollanders unexpectedly challenging in battle.
(
FiN )
The young Marine in a snide voice says to the old sailor ...
"I love you, sailors. Whenever we go to fight, you give us a ride."
Causing raucous laughter in the bar. The old Chief looks over and says...
"We love you guys too, giving
you Marines a ride let the NAVY Brass believe it was OK to assign women to
ships."
Rather it be afros, fuzz cuts, hippie cuts, dreadlocks, pony tails, corn rows, flips, teased, fades or just a trim, the ol’ crew cut or a simple No. 1 around the ears oughta do it. I hope you like this collection of barber toons I’ve collected just for you…
( FiN )