Happy Halloween Shipmates!!!
Monday, October 30, 2023
Sunday, October 29, 2023
" Navy Chain-of-Command "
The Navy’s
rank and file is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at
different levels.
Some
monkeys are climbing up, some down.
The
monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The
monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but a bunch of assholes!
Saturday, October 28, 2023
" Humanitarian Feel-Good Patty-Cake Sessions "
In all my
time in the Navy, I served as a Firecontrolman (FC). Not to be confused by you
landlubbers as a fireman as I always tell people we were meant to start fires,
not stop them. I’d been asked a
gazillion times if I’d wished I’d had the glory of shooting down the bad guy in
times of war. Well, how the hell do you answer a question like that? I did twenty-three years in this Canoe Club as
an FC never firing a gun or missile in anger. We practiced like hell, but I never
had to squeeze the trigger, push the button, or flip the switch as it were.
I mean,
how’d you feel having another man, child, or woman’s loss of life weighing on
your conscious? Well, I couldn’t tell you because it never happened to me. But I
knew what my duty was and I would’ve carried it out promptly, but the
situation never presented itself in my behalf. It reminds me of a question I
asked a Vietnam veteran a long, long time ago if he’d ever killed anybody over
there…
“Well, that’s an asshole question.”
… was his
reply.
Looking
back and realizing what I know now, yes it absolutely was an asshole question,
and so is asking someone if they wish they had the glory of doing so. I would
suspect the majority of our men and women in uniform ain’t itching for the
chance to take out some bad guys but some here in our own US of A seem either
damned sure that our military members are a bunch of psychopathic trained
killers or are rooting for the other team. I just don’t get it.
I grew up
and enlisted during the Cold War. My God, twenty-thousand testicle-radiating
nukes could go off at any time from all around this fishbowl, and we’re
kicking our own asses harder than the enemy at large! Pro-Hamas provocateurs are lighting torches
and lighting fires in our own homeland scaring the hell out of anyone who
believes in the Judeo-Christian way of life. We've got kids on college campuses hiding in the
library bathroom while hundreds of protestors are breaking windows and banging
on the doors chanting, “Let-Us-In … Let-Us-In!” Reporters are getting kicked in
the head just for covering these mutineers.
I just don’t
get these snot-nosed imbeciles fawning over Iranian, Hamas, and Hezbollah terrorists
while propping up their corrupt regimes and bending over backward to accommodate
their actions. Don’t they realize these groups
would sooner lop off their brain-dead heads than have a civilized conversation
with them? And that totally leaves out the axis of evil manifesting between
China, Russia, Iran, North Korea, and who knows what else.
Unfortunately, the way we are spreading ourselves thin and the debt we’ve incurred over the
years, a couple of well-armed row boats might be all we can do to help out the
Israeli IDF. It used to be that the enemy would eventually give up when they
got tired of dragging their dead children out of the rubble from all of the pain
and destruction. The Israelis aren’t fighting a war where the leading faction
gives a damn about their own civilians. All they care about is the eradication
of the Jews and any other infidel hiding on the planet. I’d say they are worse than Hitler because
their fervor comes from religious ideology rather than nation-building.
That
being said, the ways of war do not include humanitarian feel-good patty-cake
sessions with fake crony allies in the likes of Qatar and Pakistan. These people don’t give two shits about the
rules of war or the Geneva Convention.
As a matter of fact, they use it against us as we’re the only ones who
will remotely play by the rules. While we’re sitting at home arguing over
gun-free zones, gender ideology, and pronouns the enemy is teaching its youth
how to tear down and clean an AK-47.
This puts us in a reactive state just waiting for another 9/11 or Pearl
Harbor to happen.
Unfortunately, the next one will probably be a megaton explosion or some sort of biological devastation.
In the meantime, our political leaders try to appease our enemies while we sit
our collectively complacent asses on the sidelines in a non-participating way
while we watch the world burn. Let’s all hope that in the end, cooler heads
will prevail and we don’t resort ourselves to ash and cinder… We need more Teddy Roosevelts in the world.
( Fin )
Sunday, October 15, 2023
" Ship's Tour "
During
tours onboard a Navy ship, a young voluptuous lady realized she couldn’t climb
up the ladder well as her skirt was too tight. She reached behind to relieve
pressure on her zipper but it didn’t seem to make a difference. So she reached
behind a second time to pull the zipper down even further. All of a sudden a
huge sailor lifts her from her behind all the way up to the top ladder well…
“How
dare you!”
… she
protested …
“Hold
on a minute. Once you unzipped my fly for the second time, I reckoned we were
good friends!”
Saturday, October 14, 2023
" The Keyhole in the Door "
The romance of the sea is gone, and with it are gone Sea Songs. Never more can the young commander pace his quarter-deck, the canvas bellying out overhead, the “‘ meteor-flag”’ crackling abaft, and bowl his broadsides into the enemy whilst. Here is a shanty for all of you I know you will all enjoy…
We
left the parlor early
I think it was scarce nine
When by the chance of fortune
Her room was next to mine
Resolved like bold Columbus
New regions for to explore
I took a strange position
By the keyhole in the door.
In bending down in silence
And resting on my knee
Most patiently I waited
To see what I could see
She first took off her collar
It rolled upon the floor
And I watched her stoop to get it
Through the keyhole in the door
Sweet Jenny then proceeded
In taking off her dress
And most of her under garments
Some fifty more or less
But to speak the truth sincerely
I think there was a score
But I could not count exactly
Through the keyhole in the door
She then unloosed her tresses
Her waving chestnut hair
Which fell in streaming torrents
All down her shoulders bare
Then quickly she rebound them
More firmly than before
While I watched this witching process
Through the keyhole in the door
Then down upon the carpet
She sat with graceful ease
And raised her spotless linen
Above her snowy knees
Two dainty sky-blue garters
On either leg she wore
And they made a charming picture
Through the keyhole in the door
She then approached the fire
Her dainty limbs to warm
And nothing but her shimmey
Concealed her lovely form
Thinks I take off that shimmey
I ask for nothing more
Ye gods I saw her do it
Through the keyhole in the door
And then with nimble fingers she
Donned her snow white gown
And on her bed sweet Jenny
Prepared to lie her down
Thinks I a bed so ample
Might hold at least one more,
But I did not dare to say it
Through the keyhole in the door.
Then down upon the pillow
She laid her lovely head.
The light she then extinguished
And darkness veiled the bed.
No use in waiting longer
I knew the show was o'er
So my post I then abandoned
By the keyhole in the door.
So come ye men of science
Why strain your eager eyes
A-gazing at the planets
That alumernates (sic) the skies?
For there are greater wonders
That you know of in your lore
For a telescope is nothing
To a keyhole in the door.
(Fin )
Saturday, October 7, 2023
" Care Packages "
Since being on deployment, my family likes to send care packages through the mail. Every package I get comes with a customs form listing the contents and their value. Once, I got a box from with the contents listed on the form reading …
"Homemade chocolate chip cookies.”
In the space marked “value,” my grandma wrote …
“Priceless!”
" Marooned "
Nothing like being “King” of your own deserted island. Here is a collection of a few marooned cartoons from the past. I hope you enjoy …
( Fin )
Sunday, October 1, 2023
" Naval Aviator Joke "
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Flying into a Middle Eastern airport, the pilot and co-pilot of the COD reviewed their flight plan for their trip back to the carrier. They were to pick up a Navy Captain, and experience had taught them that even seasoned vets turned white-knuckled during carrier landings at times. Once the captain was strapped in, the pilot turned around and welcomed him aboard…
“Sir, will this be your first carrier landing?”
Looking at the pilot with disdain, the Captain opens his inflatable vest to show his golden air wings and replies …
“Son, I have over 500 carrier landings on jet fighters.”
The co-pilot looks over
and winks at the pilot and responds …
“That’s good to hear sir. This will be our first!”
" October 2023 Pin-ups "
Here is your collection of cheesecake pin-ups for October this year. I hope you enjoy the eye candy …
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(
Fin )