From a Biblical sense, can you imagine what would have
happened if the Ten Commandments had to be reviewed and approved up the chain of command? If that happened, we would have Ten Commandments, Thirty-Four
Amendments, and two court martials contending violations of the Uniform Code of
Military Justice!
You know they say that every Marine is a rifleman. They also say that every Sailor is a fireman. Here’s a collection of Damage Control toons I put together for your enjoyment…
The Urban Dictionary defines the Westpac Widow as A US Navy wife who fucks around with other men while her man is out on deployment. Here’s a little poem I found on the Westpac Widow…
She
stands on the pier with tears in her eyes;
His ship sails away while she waves her goodbyes;
She clasps her hands and gives them a wring;
Then tugs at her finger and twists off the ring
She slips in the clutch she wears at her side;
Having glistened her lips, she smacks them wide;
Adjusts her jewels and straightens her smock;
Her eyes now gleaming she turns back the clock
And returns to the bar where she learned how to deal
With young drunken Sailors copping a feel;
She runs to her car and looks in the window,
She looks just fine she’s a Westpac Widow.
It’s
seven o’clock and time to get ready;
He looks in the mirror and holds his gaze steady;
Now raising the comb he sights down his part,
But stops and smiles, he’s always the star;
He picks up a ruler to measure the gap
Between his front teeth, he’s Italian you know;
He swings into action and dons his gold trinkets,
They flash in the light against his bronze neck;
Dabs on cologne and unbuttons his shirt
He’s ready to go, he’s smooth as a flirt;
One last look at the fine work of his tailor,
And it’s off for the bars, he’s a Westpac Sailor.
She’s
home all alone, her daddy’s deployed,
Mommy’s gone out, to play with the boys;
It’s nearly bedtime and she looks at the jar
In the kitchen nook, by the breakfast bar;
It’s full of sweets, one hundred eighty inside,
Candy kisses from daddy, one for each night
He’s away overseas, for country and God,
And for family, too, in case he forgot;
While mommy’s away, and daddy’s deployed,
She looks at his picture and hopes that the void
In her heart will somehow bear the distance between,
Her and daddy, she misses her king.
( Fin )
0n impulse,
a young Seaman Schmuckatelli stopped at the flower shop and bought a dozen
roses for his girlfriend. When he handed them to her, she immediately pulled
off all her clothes and leaped onto the couch…
“This will
be for the flowers,”
… She
announced, stretching out enticingly.
“Oh, come
now,” said Schmuckatelli. “Surely you've got a vase somewhere in this
apartment.”
I found this ad in an old girlie magazine and just had to pin it here for your enjoyment. This is too rich!
A shipwrecked Sailor was marooned on a desert island with a female sheep and a male Doberman pinscher for companions. Before long the two animals grew quite attracted to each other. All went well until the man became unbearably horny and made a move for the ewe, which pissed off the dog. Baring its fangs, the Doberman placed itself between the sheep and the ornery sailor.
Days later,
spotting a raft on the horizon, the sailor swam out and found a beautiful girl
onboard. He took her ashore and for the next few weeks, he fed and comforted her.
“You’ve been
so good to me and I’d do absolutely
anything to show my gratitude.”
“Would you?”
The Sailor
asked with a broad grin on his face. He excitedly unfastened the length of rope
that held up his ragged pants and handed it to the girl.
“Here.”
… He muttered
…
“Use this as
a leash and take that damn dog for a long walk!”
Here I invoked the Pinup Nostalgia of the past. I hope Grandma in her younger years isn’t too much to "bare" … Enjoy the eye candy!
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A drunk Sailor
just came aboard from a hard night of liberty. Soon after coming aboard, he discovered he had
to take a piss in the worst kind of way…
He ran
across a shipmate and politely asked him where the closest head was. He was
told to go down the passageway and turn left, open the hatch, go down three
steps and he’d find the shitters.
The drunken
Sailor thanked his shipmate and started down the passageway. But instead of
turning left he turned right, and fell 25 feet over the edge and down into the
drink. He looked around, pulled out his pecker and rumbled …
“Fuck those
other two steps. I’m pissin’ right here.”
“I sleep
with my wife once a month.”
… The
second says …
“Twice a
month for me.”
“I do it
once a week,”
… says
the third Sailor …
“That’s
nothing,” says the fourth Sailor, “I’m at it every day.”
The first
Sailor cries …
“But
you’re not even married!”
“I know,”
says Sailor number four. “I thought we were talking about your wife!”
I’ll
never forget the day I showed up at MEPS. I arrived at the entrance as they
scurried me away to the medical facilities. The nurse took one look at me and
said…
“Okay,
Buddy, you’ll find a seat on the other side of the swinging doors.”
Before
I knew it, I was getting a physical. They put me on a table and covered me with
a white gown that had my ass hanging out the back end. As I sat there, the room
filled up with several other prospects joining different branches of the
service. An old codger of a doctor walks in, walks up to me and covers my face.
I said …
“I’m
not dead. I just want to join the Navy.”
…
To which he said …
“Okay,
jump up and down on one leg.”
So
I jumped up and down on one leg. Then they started to examine me. What an
examination it was… as they put a Doctor at one ear and a Doctor at the ear,
look through your head to see if they can see each other, if they can, you out …
disqualified! Then the Doctor said to me …
“Do
you believe in the hereafter?”
“Of
course I do, Doc…”
…
He said …
“Good,
from here on, you’ll need some faith!”
Then
they sent me to see a classifier… the one who helps me pick out my job. I was
to become a Firecontrolman.
“What
the hell is a Firecontrolmen? Do I put out fires?”
“No
actually quite the opposite. You start them.”
And
ever since I had told family and friends that I joined the Navy to be a fire
starter. You’d never believe the looks of confusion on their faces.
I
went to ‘Great Mistakes’ for Bootcamp. Never did I realize just how great the
barracks would be, with tiled floors that we stripped and waxed on a daily
basis. That’s a lot of wax … and I learned about buffer rodeos too. Then there
was the Navy Chow! They say nothing is too good for the Navy, and that includes
the chow. Because that’s what I ended up eating… nothing. After eating that
food I finally found out what G.I. stands for …
“Got Insurance?”
