“Too Soon?”

I believe this cartoon caricature was drawn in a cruisebook way back in the 1970s.  Maybe our shipmates were trying to tell us something …

I remember pulling into Hong Kong years ago and how filthy the harbor was. After the SARs epidemic they cleaned that place right up. It’s almost as spic-n-span as Singapore. I kid you not … and I’d say about half the population goes out in public with a mask on rather there is an epidemic or not!

"An Ol' Navy Vet"

An old Navy Vet walked into a grocery store and the cashier said …

“Sir your barracks door is open.”

He paid no attention to her because he didn’t know what she was talking about. He started shopping and in this one aisle, he saw a man stocking the shelves. He told the man what the cashier said and asked the man what she meant. He told him that his fly was open. After shopping, he went back to the same cashier and said …

“Ma’am, you told me my barracks door was open. While you were looking did you see a Sailor standing at attention, saluting?”

“No sir,” she said, “I saw an old retired veteran lying on two seabags…”

"A Bitchy Sailor Is A Happy Sailor"

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The origin of the anecdotal “A bitching sailor is a happy sailor” is probably long lost to history. It probably goes back to the big WWII when there was a ship where all the sailors were bored and complaining. The captain asked the salty ol’ chief why the men were so miserable. The chief, who was a bit of a sado-masochist probably replied…

"Sir, a bitching sailor is a happy sailor."

The captain smiled and walked away.

Hell, the phrase probably even existed aboard Lord Nelson's flagship HMS Victory. Lord knows nothing is perfect and there’s always something to complain about.  Sailors will complain about the food, the pay, berthing conditions, uniforms … you name it! But it was never anything deserving of mutiny. It probably came about the time men first set sail into the ocean blue.  But rather you’re a civilian type or a salty seagoing scallywag, bitching simply is part of human nature.

 

Unlike the other services the rank and rate of a sailor are all built into one package.  Rather you’re a Boatswainmate, Machinistmate, a Gunnersmate, or a damned Operations Specialist … hell even Yeomen and Disbursing Clerks liked to bitch … the one skill that holds true to all is that they always seem to bitch!  Rather it be peace or war, the story of a sailor is one of man vs man, machine and/or nature.  Yes, the sea may be your mistress but she is also your most dangerous foe. It’s normal for the crew to complain because it’s human nature. So to understand the phrase is to understand that a bitchy sailor is a healthy sailor. If they ain’t bitch’n then something is probably really wrong!!!

“Go to Sea Once More”

When first I landed in Liverpool, I went upon a spree
Me money alas I spent it fast, got drunk as drunk could be
And when that me money was all gone, 'twas then I wanted more
But a man must be blind to make up his mind to go to sea once more

Once more, boys, once more, go to sea once more
But a man must be blind to make up his mind to go to sea once more

I spent the night with Angeline too drunk to roll in bed
Me watch was new and me money too, in the morning with them she fled
And as I walked the streets about, the whores they all did roar
There goes Jack Spratt, the poor sailorlad, he must go to sea once more

Once more, boys, once more, go to sea once more
There goes Jack Spratt, the poor sailorlad, he must go to sea once more

And as I walked the streets about, I met with the Rapper Brown
I asked him for to take me on and he looked at me with a frown
He said last time you was paid off with me you could no score
But I'll give you a chance and I'll take your advance and I'll send you to see once more

Once more, boys, once more, send you to sea once more
I'll give you a chance and I'll take your advance and I'll send you to see once more

He shipped me on board of a whaling ship bound for the arctic seas
Where the cold winds blow through the frost and snow and Jamaica rum would freeze

But worse to bear, I'd no hard weather gear for I'd spent all money on shore
'Twas then that I wished that I was dead and could go to sea no more

No more, boys, no more, go to sea no more
'Twas then that I wished that I was dead and could go to sea no more

So come all you bold seafaring men, who listen to me song
When you come off them long trips, I'll have you not go wrong
Take my advice, drink no strong drink, don't go sleeping with them whores
Get married instead and spend all night in bed and go to sea no more

No more, boys, no more, go to sea no more
Get married instead and spend all night in bed and go to sea no more

Songwriters: Luke Kelly / Ronald Joseph Drew / Barney Mckenna / John Edmund Sheehan / Ciaron Bourke / Pd Traditional

Go to Sea Once More lyrics © Carbert Music, Inc., Carlin Music Corp

"Popeye Gett'n Hitched to the Navy"

When I joined thee ol’ Canoe Club it was “Full Steam Ahead” on all the Recruiting Posters … now it’s something like “The Navy, A Global Force for Good” or something of that nature … Anyway, it changes time and time again as much as the uniform itself. I remember recruiting back in the day and having to pass out trifolds and business cards at high schools, tech centers, colleges & all types of social events. Here is some old school Popeye advertisement I’m sure many of you will enjoy … 

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"Waving To Mom"

While the new recruits stood at attention during a parade, one of the recruits waved to someone in the audience.

"Jones, never do that again!"

… yelled the Chief ... But a few minutes later, the sailor waved a second time. Back in the barracks after the parade, the Chief stormed in and barked for Jones to come front and center.

"Recruit Jones, you knew I was going to see you," he screamed. "You knew it was wrong. Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Yes, Chief!"

… Replied Jones …

"But you don't know my mother!"

"Sailors Being Sailors"

Let’s be real: some stereotypes are true. One of the easiest to identify is the drunken sailor with a girl in every port. Sailors were widely known for their antics from port to port. Any shipmate who has ever been on a deployment knows that a sailor who doesn’t imbibe in a liberty port is a rarity, even a curiosity. The myths of hookers, alcohol, fighting and carousing the land while on liberty are all true! After all, we are the only branch of the military service that references beer drinking in our fight song! So down the hatch and enjoy these photos …

“Changes to Recruit Training”

In an effort to ensure proper training and readiness among the military services, Congress has approved the following changes to basic principles of recruit training:

Haircuts:

Marines: Heads will be shaved.
Army: Stylish flat-top's for all recruits.
Navy: No haircut standard.
Air Force: Complete makeovers as seen on the Jenny Jones show.

Training Hours:

Marines: Reveille at 0500, train until 2000.
Army: Reveille at 0600, train until 1900.
Navy: Reveille All Hands Heave out & Trice up at 0600, Heads & Beds until 1100, lunch until 1300, training until 1600.
Air Force: Awaken at 1000, breakfast in bed, train from 1100 to 1200, lunch at 1200, train from 1300 to 1400, nap at 1400, awaken from nap at 1500, training ceases at 1500.

Meals:

Marines: Meals, Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day.
Army: One hot meal, 2 MRE's.
Navy: 3 hot meals.
Air Force: Catered meals prepared by the Galloping Gourmet, Julia Child, and Wolfgang Puck and Emeril Lagasse. All you can eat.

Leave And Liberty:

Marines: None.
Army: 4 hours a week.
Navy: 2 days a week.
Air Force: For every four hours of training, recruits will receive eight hours of leave and liberty.

Protocol:

Marines: Will address all officers as "Sir," and refer to the rank of all enlisted members when speaking to them (i.e., Sgt. Smith).
Army: Will address all officers as "Sir," unless they are friends, and will call all enlisted personnel "Sarge."
Navy: Will address all officers as "Skipper," and all enlisted personnel as "Chief."
Air Force: All Air Force personnel shall be on a first name basis with each other.

Decorations/Awards:

Marines: Medals and badges are awarded for acts of gallantry and bravery only.
Army: Medals and badges are awarded for every bullet fired, hand grenade thrown, fitness test passed, and bed made.
Navy: Will have ships' engineers make medals for them as desired.
Air Force: Will be issued all medals and badges, as they will most likely be awarded them at some point early in their careers anyway.

Camouflage Uniforms:

Marines: Work uniform, to be worn only during training and in field situations.
Army: Will wear it anytime, anywhere.
Navy: Will wear Aquaflage uniforms, so they cannot be located if falling overboard. (Ship Captains will make every effort to attempt to explain this to sailors.)
Air Force: Will defeat the purpose of camouflage uniforms by putting blue and silver chevrons and colorful squadron patches all over them.

Career Fields:

Marines: All Marines shall be considered riflemen first and foremost.
Army: It doesn't matter, all career fields promote to E-8 in first enlistment anyway.
Navy: All Sailors shall be considered firemen first and foremost.
Air Force: Every recruit will be trained in a manner that will allow them to leave the service early to go on to higher paying civilian jobs.

"Sailor Pinups From The Past"

Here is a glamorous photo collection of the glamour girls of sailors’ past. Many are from the 1930s and 1940s.  I hope you ol’ salts will enjoy … 

Marilyn Monroe

Ava Gardner

Marlene Dietrich

Marilyn Monroe

Rita Hayworth

Greta Garbo

Marlene Dietrich

Jerry Lewis & Dean Martin with Betty Hutton