'A Bit of British Humor'

While in Britain, an American Sailor was heading out on a train to the airport while on emergency leave during a long deployment away from home. The train was very crowded, so the Sailor walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The home sick Sailor asked…

"Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

The disdainful woman looked down her nose at the Sailor, sniffed and said…

"You Americans are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little  Fifi is using that seat?"

The Sailor walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked…

"Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."

The pretentious woman wrinkled her nose and snorted…

"You Americans! Not only are you  rude, you are also arrogant... Imagine!"

The Sailor didn't say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman  shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise  the Sailor! An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up…

"You know, Sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window.     

'If You Can't Stomach It... Don't Read It!!!

Hey, I’ve got a suggestion for those of you who get gastric distress reading my stuff... Who lose your lunch... go blind... get headaches or wet your pants... STOP READING IT! You have to physically open the link in order to read my drivel!! If you don’t want to read it… if it makes you ill…  you find it in distaste… don’t open it!! It’s that simple!!! 

'Liberty Pass'

A sailor was trying to sidle out of the base unnoticed, but was seen by a guard. The guard asked him for his liberty pass.

The sailor said…

"Look, shipmate, I don't have any old pass, but that don't bother me none. I have a date with my girl in town. I'm fixing to keep it."

The guard stopped him…

"If you try to get past this gate, I'm afraid I might have to shoot you."

The sailor shrugged his shoulders and replied…

"I've got a mother up in heaven, a daddy down in hell, and a gal in town. And I'm going to see ONE of them tonight!"

'Conduct Ashore'

(Click on Image)

Instead of old cornball stories showing kiddy cartoons full of dancing hippos, talking cows and naughty mice, old Canoe Club Caricatures were full of the life we led and the wonderful no shit stories we had to tell!!!

I always enjoyed cartooning and caricature art! Even as a young boy it went along with spelling naughty words in you alphabet soup and singing song parodies to your own tune! ‘The Preacher’ Owen Bradford gets it!!! 

Hell, I remember getting an ‘In School Suspension’ in Junior High for my not so nice murals of a sexual montage kind of thing going on in history class! I even got swatted on the ass by my High School Principal for drawing nekkit lady pictures on the classroom desk tops!!!

Hell, it didn’t stop there… while everyone else was busy being shit house poets in the shitter stalls, I was into hand drawn pornography on an epic level!!  Gotta love the creativity of some Crackerjacks!!!

Sex Under the Sea

The following was overheard from a Naval Analyst :

Let's put it this way, anyone who's crazy enough to want to live in a submarine is welcome to do so as far as I'm concerned.  And don't worry about illicit sex if women are added to crews -- the only place there would be enough room for anything more than a pat on the ass (unless you're both yoga masters) is the bridge, and then the watch standers would have to pretend you weren't around!!!