"Now Set the Underway Replenishment Detail"

A US Navy Destroyer had pulled up to an AO during UNREPS to top off underway. After the lines had been received and the gas had been pumped the Skipper had noted the Oiler had a sign on its port side that read,

“Welcome alongside, Our ship is Second to None!” 

A week later the same US Destroyer pulled up alongside once again for UNREPS. This time the Skipper of the oiler had noted on the Starboard side of the Destroyer it read,

“We are the Proud, the men of the USS NONE!”

"Art of Art Gates"

Art Gates started out doing cartoons in the army. He produced quite a few actually and was pretty successful with them. After that he turned to advertising and other commercial projects. In the fifties he returned to comics, sometimes as a funny artist, but mostly as a realistic artists (of minimal scope). In the late fifties he returned to his former style when he sold a series of army gags to newspapers. A bit strange to be doing army gags that were as much based on WWII as on the current situation, but he kept it going for a couple of years.    

"Oars or Whores"

A Sailor was rowing down the river when his oar slipped out of his hands. He drifted aimlessly when his path crossed that of another rowboat. In the rowboat were a man and two young women. The Sailor called over …

“Sir, will you lend me one of your oars?”

The man in the rowboat became furious and answered sharply,

“They're not whores! They're my two sisters!”

“Charlotte the Harlot”

Another Shanty sang by many a drunken sailor … this one by Oscar Brand and Dave Sear.  I hope you ol’ Salts will enjoy …

Charlotte, the harlot, the girl we adore,
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore.

Way down on the prairie where cowflop is thick
Where women are women and cowboys come quick
There lived pretty Charlotte, the girl we adore
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore

It's Charlotte the Harlot, the girl we adore,
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore.

She's dirty, she's vulgar, she spits in the street
Why, whenever you see her, she's always in heat
She'll lay for a dollar, take less or take more
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore.

Charlotte, the harlot, the girl we adore,
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore.

One day in the canyon, no pants on her quim
A rattlesnake saw her and flung himself in
Charlotte the Harlot gave cowboys the frights
The only vagina that rattles and bites.

It's Charlotte the Harlot, the girl we adore
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore.

One day on the prairie while riding along
My seat in the saddle, the reins on my dong
Who should I meet but the girl I adore
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore.

It's Charlotte the Harlot, the girl we adore
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore.

I got off my pony, I reached for her crack
The damn thing was rattling and bitin' me back
I took out my pistol, I aimed for its head
I missed the damn rattler, I shot her instead.

It's Charlotte the Harlot, the girl we adore
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore

Her funeral procession was forty miles long
With a chorus of cowpunchers singin' this song
"Here lies a young maiden who never kept score
Young Charlotte the Harlot, the cowpuncher's whore!"

It's Charlotte the Harlot, the girl we adore
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore!

Or you might prefer the Iron Maiden version:

Giving a swish with your ass in the air, don't you know what they're saying?
Charlotte you're so refined when you take all the love that they're giving.
Sticking with every man that you find, don't you know what they're after?
Charlotte you've got your legs in the air, don't you hear all the laughter?

Charlotte the Harlot show me your legs,
Charlotte the Harlot take me to bed.
Charlotte the Harlot let me see blood,
Charlotte the Harlot let me see love.

Taking so many men to your room, don't you feel no remorse?
You charge them a "fiver", It's only for starters.
And ten for the main course.
And you've got no feelings, they died long ago.
Don't you care who you let in?
And don't you know you're breaking the law with the service you're giving.

Charlotte the Harlot show me your legs,
Charlotte the Harlot take me to bed.
Charlotte the Harlot let me see blood,
Charlotte the Harlot let me see love.

There was a time when you left me standing there,
Picking up pieces of love off the floor.
Well Charlotte you left me alone in there,
To make your ends as a bloody whore.
Well Charlotte you told me you love me true,
Picking up pieces of love yesterday.
Well Charlotte you're draws are off color too
'Cause you're making love all day.

Giving a swish with your ass in the air, don't you know what they're saying?
Charlotte you're so refined when you take all the love that they're giving.
Sticking with every man that you find, don't you know what they're after?
Charlotte you've got your legs in the air, don't you hear all the laughter?

Charlotte the Harlot show me your legs,
Charlotte the Harlot take me to bed.
Charlotte the Harlot let me see blood,
Charlotte the Harlot let me see love.

“Three Things to Remember”

1. It’s always better to leave well enough alone.

2. God protects Drunks and Fools. Thankfully Sailors fall under at least one at all times.

3. It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission.

"More Miscellaneous Shipboard Stuff"

Every once in a great while I’ll collect some off the wall stuff from different websites that I might be able to show and tell with my shipmates. This is a collage of different stuff I’ve picked up over the years that don’t particularly fit in a frame by itself, but I thought would be perfect representation of the things we read for fun while on deployment. I hope you all can enjoy …

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"Rank & Tradition"

A young Ensign approaches the crusty old Chief and asked about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias.

The Chief replied …

"It's history and tradition ... First we give you a gold bar representing that you are very valuable and also malleable. The silver bar also represents significant value, but is less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, your value doubles, hence the two silver bars. As a full bird Captain you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you are, obviously, a star. Does that answer your question?"

"Yes," said the Ensign, "but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?"

"That goes waaaay back in history ... to the Garden of Eden even. You see we've always covered our pricks with leaves."