Sunday, May 9, 2021

"Buffing"

 A poem written by Thomas M. McDade of the USS Mullinnix back in the day… you know it’s old because they still used the green tile!  


What I liked
most about it
being too rough
for deck apes
to work
topside
on the
USS Mullinnix
was buffing
passageways
and
coordinating
the whims
of machine
and sea
without
scuffing
the base
of bulkheads.
Even when
it came to
figuring how
many saltines
would cover
a green
square
of tile
to keep
breakfast
down.

 





Thursday, May 6, 2021

"Ocean Pearl"

 While standing watch on the bridge, the Master Helmsman had noticed when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. The Officer of the Deck (OOD) asked if he knew what it meant...

“Ocean Pearl.”

... He answered ... 

The OOD nodded...

“It does look like it’s been fished out from the bottom of the sea…”




Wednesday, May 5, 2021

"Sailor & Mermaid Cartoons"

 For thousands of years sailors have heeded warnings of the Sirens and Mermaids that lure them into the deep. Some of them sirens are the reason waterbeds were invented… I hope you all enjoy my collection of Sailors and Mermaids I’ve cumshawed for your enjoyment.









But Captain, I thought you said we could bring back souvenirs … 







Now hold on Olive … it wasn’t on porpoise!




She met him on line … 



































(Fin)



Sunday, May 2, 2021

"Two Swabbies"

 



Two young and zealous swabbies were sitting at a bar getting drunk and enjoying some cheap beer. One says to the other,

“Look at those drunks across the bar. That could be us in ten years.”

The other one says,

“You Asshole … That’s a mirror!”


Saturday, May 1, 2021

"Mayday Pin-ups for 2021"

 This goes out to any of you dirty ol’ rapscallions who have ever served with women in our United States Canoe Club Cabaret. Many a young Seaman has fantasized about anchoring his dinghy in the harbor of one of those young cute female division officers. I’m sure the same could be said of the women sailors and their male officer counterparts, so I’m not saying anything that isn’t true to its word. Or the Commanding Officer tying you up to the mast and giving you a few whacks with the ol’ leather shillelagh. Well here are a few shipmates of the gentler type that will make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside! I hope you all enjoy…























































(Fin)



Saturday, April 24, 2021

"Aviation Tool Control"

 


At NAS Whidbey Island, Wa, the Chief of an avionics shop had to maintain a strict tool control. So one day a pair of diagonal cutter pliers were missing. Diagonal cutters are referred to as a pair of dikes as a nickname. The Chief said to his shipmates …

“No one is going home until the pair of dikes are found.”

After an additional 8 hours of a massive search, no one could find the dikes. As the third shift arrived for duty, two of them were rather large female shipmates, and just as the female airmen entered the shop a young male airman, after seeing the diagonal cutters setting in a trash can stood up and in a loud military manor and said,

"All right Chief, I found the pair of dikes, can we go home now?!?"


Friday, April 23, 2021

"69 Reasons to Date a Sailor"

There are many reasons your relatives and neighbors may tell you to stay away from those gaud-awful Sailor types! We’ve got a girl in every port, and we’ll leave town never to return. We’re drunk, womanizing derelicts who can leave town without ever even saying goodbye … Trust me I’ve heard them all! Here are a few reasons to hold your sailor close and never let him go…  

 



Sixty-Nine Reasons to date a Sailor…

1. We have strong hands

2. We're not afraid to get wet

3. We love it when it blows

4. We can go for hours

5. We know what to do when things get rough

6. We are good with ropes, knots, and harnesses.

7. We can usually, get it back up after a couple of minutes.

8. Any misdemeanors can be protested.

9. We can find the best start position possible in 3 minutes or less.

10. We're great at operating pleasure crafts of any size.

11. We can beat hard for a long time.

12. We're adept at using lube and ticklers.

13. We have lovely tans from being in the sun all-day

14. We give a whole new meaning to "ooch"

15. We can harden upon demand

16. We know when to pull and when to release at just the right time

17. We don't get off until it's coming on our face. (capsize recovery)

18. If you can’t keep it up, don’t take it out.

19. we are very skilled at pinching and footing

20. The best feeling is surely coming from behind

21. female skippers know how to grip the extension

22. We know how to get into tight holes no matter what the size of our boat.

23. We're always willing to double up to increase the fun

24. We know how to keep our sticks up, no matter how rough it gets.

25. We discovered the motion of the ocean.

26. Rule #69: Always practice good seamanship.

27. We know how to sheet in and bare away

28. We won't mind the feel of rubber....we are used to "wet suits"

29. We know how to properly position our poles... spinnaker that is.

30. You can't expect to keep your sheets dry for long.

31. All it takes to raise the pole is a yank on the topper

32. When the pole comes down, we are still ready for a long beat.

33. We know how to rub-down the topsides and the bottom.

34. Ask for room and we will give it to you

35. Female skippers always head for the buoys

36. Sailors always have a firm grip on the tiller

37. Sailors do it on water

38. A sailor will always scrub a dirty bottom

39. Sailors can fine-tune their teamwork technique and equipment for hours until they are outstanding

40. It’s all about the first beat

41. Sailors can keep that windward heel going downwind, no matter how much she (the boat) rolls

42. Sailors are good at pumping and rolling, even if it’s illegal

43. We regularly wear out our sheets

44. A spinnaker is like a lady: treat her gently on the curves but be decisive with the pole.

45. We know how to use the head

46. We like it when it gets rough and high...the wind that is

47. Sailors drop more cloth on a regular basis than anyone

48. Sailors can do it on a trapeze

49. When sailors break rules, they turn around and keep going

50. Sailors instinctively know when to point high AND when to go down

51. Sailors use blocks to gain leverage

52. Sailors are their best under pressure

53. Sailors know the optimum angle to beat at.

54. We know when, why and how to lift skirts.

55. Sailors know how to wing it.

56. Sailors are sure to loosen the sheets with every ride.

57. We know when to move astern

58. Sailors get blown offshore.

59. Sailors work hard when they are in a hole

60. Sailors are occasionally over early

61. The best way to douse a spinnaker is to simply grab the pole, blow the guy, and suck the chute

62. It is not the size of the ship that matters, it’s how well you maneuver it into the slip

63. When in doubt we let it out

64. 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. We never get tired, while on top of her

65. If it (weather) comes head-on and is likely to get rough, we know that we will bang harder

66. We make her go as fast as she can all the time while keeping it in the limits of course."

67. We always know the "Minimum Safe Distance"

68. We sometimes overload her, till as much as she can take it most.

69. We always try our best to keep her in shape


Fin )