"Memorial Day Pin-Ups"

Here is a special Memorial Day Pin-up Tribute I hope you all can enjoy…

( FiN )

 

"Infidelity"

 

A sailor suspects his wife is having an affair. His ship is getting underway for a few days, so he decides to set a trap for her. He puts a bowl of buttermilk under the bed. From the bedsprings, he suspends a spoon. He has it calibrated so that her weight on the bed will not drop the spoon into the buttermilk. But, if there is any more weight on the mattress, the spoon will drop into the buttermilk and he will detect it upon his return…

He comes home several days later. The first thing he does is reach under the bed and retrieve the bowl… It’s churned to butter!!!!!

"More Navy in Advertisement"

 Advertisement agencies have been using the face of the Navy for decades to promote goods and services. Here are a few memorable magazine ads I think you will enjoy from over the years…

( FiN )

"If you Love Somebody Set Them Free"

 

This is a no-shitter…

As the old story goes, shortly after Bootcamp I was having relationship problems with ol’ Suzie Rotten Crotch back home. I went to see the Chaplain as I was so distraught and he said…

“If you love somebody set them free.”

… I said …

“Hey, that’s the line of a song by Sting.”

“If she comes back, you know she’s yours. If not, then she was never yours, to begin with.”

That was some sage advice he gave me.

… Then he said …

“Kid let me tell you something else. If she just sits in your house, messes up your stuff, eats your food, is on the phone all the damned time, and constantly spends your money then you either married it or gave birth to it… and you’re better off without it.”

"Liberty at the Carnival"

 As a Sailor on liberty, what better place to hang out and find a catch than at the carnival or local fair? Here are a few good toons I’ve collected that I hope you enjoy…

( FiN )

"Navy Coffee"

 

A retired Navy -Chief is in the break room of his new job when an old Army vet approaches him…

 

“I heard all you Navy guys really love your Navy Coffee. Is that true?”

 

“Sure! I loved my Navy Coffee… I used to drink three cups in the morning and three cups in the afternoon! Then I’d go down to the Titty Bars and yell…

 

“Put it on! Put it on!”

 

 

"Subic Dog Watch Dreary"

 Another great one from the Preacher!

Once upon a dog watch dreary

When I was so awful teary

Thinking of the joys that waited down in Subic Bay,

As I scratched my ass so hairy

Drinking coffee (black, no dairy)

Came the chief then down the ladder waddling as he went his way.

"Watch bill's screwed," he lowly muttered

As my heart then madly fluttered.

He waved a paper gaily rustling, rustling then beneath my nose.

"You shouldn't be here. Relief's approaching.

"Listen now and heed my coaching.

"Get into your whites, lad, you should go to Pauline's or T-Rose."

Quickly up the ladder sprinting,

Happy eyes through teardrops glinting,

To the head then down to berthing, singing a glad song of praise

Ere long Magoos I would be quaffing,

With honeykos hugging, laughing,

And with a full and loaded wallet I could have my choice of lays.

Close unto the midnight hour

I left my sultry Asian flower

On her rumpled sheets that smelled of perfume, beer and lusty joy

Faster than a greyhound pacing

Up the brow I soon was racing

Giving thanks for Subic, mateys,

Thanks that I was a sailor boy!

( Fin )

"Shipmates Say the Damnedest Things"

 

When you spend as much time with shipmates as I have, you come to realize the whole crew of scallywags belonged in an asylum. Here is a small collection of words and phrases I’ve heard coming from the lips of those ol’ Canoe Club rapscallions over the years…

From a shipmate who came from a tender back in the day…

“My last ship was called the egg factory … Everybody onboard got laid!”

A shipmate explaining what he did while TAD…

“When I was sent with other shipmates to take part in training or exercises outside of our command it was called "TAD" or Travelling Around Drunk!”

 

Referring to the Westpac Widow at the EN Club…

“She calls her love pot the Bermuda Triangle … lots of seamen get lost in it.”

Dumb Sailor and his Pick-up lines…

“Hey, the Navy called, they want their heat-seeking missiles back, and for you to stop wearing that dress, you look so hot it interferes with the guidance system.”

Shipmate when he came back off of leave…

Mom said: "I don't care what you call it on the ship. In this house you'll call it chipped beef on toast."

The one-night-stand before heading back to the ship…

“Hey sailor, you left your other discharge here too…”

Chucky ‘V’ aviator when asked about landing on a carrier…

“Shucks, you can land anywhere,” said Lieutenant Jones. “Nothing to it. What you want to do is find the flight deck before you do it.”

Female shipmate underway and horny …

You had me at… “Get in the fanroom while I close and lock the door!”

Petty Officer of the Watch on the USS Puget Sound…

 "Bong Bong....Bong Bong.... Pubic Mound, Departing  ---- Bong"

Shipmate in berthing joking about sticking things up your ass…

Remember…  “Big flared base, it’ll stay in place!”… “Long and thin it’ll get pulled in!”

Quarterdeck Watch on USS Neversails …

"D'you hear there...anyone who wishes to do so and has not done so and still wants to do so before they cannot do so......do so now."

"That is all"

 

( FiN )

"The Local Village Girls"

 

A naïve young sailor who just pulled into port was at a local dance club when he was encouraged by his shipmates to ask one of the local village girls to dance. As the music got a little faster, one of the girl’s earrings dropped and fell down her back.

“Could you be a darling and get that for me?”

… she asked …

“Yes!”

… he stammered, but the more he reached for it, the further down her backside it would slide.

“Ahem” … blushing madly he said …

“I feel a perfect arse.”

“Really? Thank You! My tits are pretty good as well.” 

"May Pinups 22"

 If you’ve been waiting for this next month's installment of pinups, I don’t want to disappoint as these golden age beauties kept our sailor's dreams alive while far on deployment for many years. I hope you like these vintage cheesecakes. Enjoy…

( FiN )