"Sailor's Compliment"

A Sailor is back from deployment and comes into the bar all moody and pissed off. He orders a double whiskey at the bar. Then he starts rambling on about how lousy a wife he’s got until the bartender says …

“I don’t know what you’re complaining about. All the other guys in here have nothing but compliments about your wife!”

"Navy Chief Cartoons"

Everyone knows the occupational hazards of being a Chief is serious business! After all we know the rules that apply to being the Chief! The Chief is always right … and in the impossible hypothesis a subordinate may be right, see above! A Chief does not sleep, he rests … A Chief is never late, he’s detained elsewhere … yada, yada, yada …

If you wore the anchors you know the rules! Part of being a Chief is the lesson of humility and knowing how and when to laugh at yourself. Here are some cartoons that depict us Chiefs at our best! I hope you enjoy!!!

And Congratulations to those who pinned on their anchors this month …

"Wife Wants to go to Hawaii"

My wife says she wants to go to Hawaii.

I told her I’d been there dozens of times in the Navy.

I told her that’s where the term “Hip-Hip-Hooray” comes from!

“How is that?” … she asked.

“When the Hula Dancers would shake their hips, the sailors would yell … Hip-Hip-Hooray!”

“Oh Yeah? Which island?”

“Come-on-I-wanna-lay-ya!”

“That’s not funny. I find you disgusting!”

“Well just as long as you found me…”

"American Sailor"

This song is right on the mark.  Anybody remember those days?  Sometimes it felt like a three-ring circus with too many clowns! I guess that’s what made it so memorable.  I remember as a Seaman or a Third Class thinking those wearing anchors got nothing better to do but think up stupid stuff for us to do trying to transform us seagoing idiots into Wally Cleaver Sunday school attendees...

I hope you enjoy the song! I don’t know his name or what ship it was on, but you can watch the video from the link down below! Cheers …

I’m just trying to be a father,

And send my child support with love,

I’ve got kids in fourteen countries,

At least the ones that I know of …

Up and at’um in the morning,

With a bitch, a moan and gripe,

Can’t afford to be late to work again,

Probably lose another stripe.

I don’t do it for the money,

Oh that’s subsistence pay.

But I hate giving to the galley,

But they just take it anyway.

It is the life that I have chosen,

To be the few, the proud, the brave.

Now I’m standing here getting my ass chewed,

Cause for once I forgot to shave.

I can’t call in drunk on Monday,

When I downed so much I puked.

I just sleep through my duty days,

And sometimes on watch too.

You can bet that I’ll be ready,

When the group heads to the bar.

I get wasted, I get arrested,

And I puked some in the car.

But I’ll always put my shit away,

When Chief says do it now!

It takes one guy to do the job,

I need four to tell me how.

Oh, and I don’t want to work today,

But if work it has to be.

Well I’ll drag my ass to Quarters,

So they can read me the POD.

I’m an American Sailor in the US of N …

And my shipmates and shitbags,

That always seem to find ways in.

When liberty is put down for me,

I will always get my flame.

And I’m out here at the whorehouse,

But there’s no match tonight …

American Sailor …

I’m an American Sailor …

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2L9i2_-8o50

"Marrying A Sailor"

I told my wife the most convincing lines to get her to marry me as a sailor man …

• The closets could all be hers since I wear the same kind of uniform at work every day…

• She could have as many babies as she wants because giving birth in the military is free …

• And I would never get on her nerves, because I would always be gone at sea!!!

"More Navy Pin Ups"

Another great pin-up photographer in Dan Russell. I hope you enjoy some of his great work. 

You can find his art at:

m.me/russellpinups

dan@danrussellphotography.com

http://www.russellpinups.com

"Sailor and the Priest"

A sailor gone ashore after many months at sea, smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The sailor's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the sailor turned to the priest and asked,

"Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be damned," the sailor muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the seaman and apologized.

"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”

Aviation Humor

Blue water Navy truism; There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.

Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like squatting to pee.

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and aviators? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

Never trade luck for skill.

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh Sh!T!"

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

Airspeed, altitude or brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.

A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.

I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding it or doing anything about it.

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.

Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II. When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.

An aviator who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum.

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time. (Author unknown, but someone who's been there)

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

And last but not least … "I’m not in the Navy. I just fly.”

"Navy In Advertisement"

The Navy has long recognized the effectiveness of advertisement over the years. Men who had not been drafted were often enticed to enlist by the striking images found in manly cigarette ads as well soda and beer advertisements. Nothing says be your own man like a sailor in uniform.  I hope you enjoy this small collection of vintage advertisement …