"A Few Things About Navy Recruiting"

 

Six Phases of the Month in Navy Recruiting

1. Enthusiasm

2. Disillusionment

3. Panic

4. Search for the Guilty

5. Punishment of The Innocent

6. Praise and Honors For The NON-Participants

(A couple of things for prospective Recruits …)

 

The Navy would save you a fortune in News Papers!  If there was trouble anywhere in the world, they’d send us right over!!! You didn’t have to read about it…

 

The Navy thinks of everything… They gave me room and board, medical and dental care, a thirty-day vacation, travel, a $250,000 life insurance policy, and a chance to use it!!!

 

Preventive Maintenance - 101

 

Many of you old Salty Seadogs remember the time tested PMS system we use in the United States most favorite all-time Canoe Club! Well, as we reach old age, this one is something you should download and keep close to the ol’ commode … shitter … toilette seat … or whatever you call it as it becomes even more important once we’ve reached half a century or higher on this big blue and green marble we call home! I still need to go and get the finger up the pooper … and don't forget your fiber!!!

(Fin)

“YOU MIGHT BE A SAILOR IF”

 

While thinking about my Navy days, here’s a few things to ponder about being a sailor …

 

You Might Be A Sailor If:

 

You think a Rhodes Scholar is someone who knows all about a famous ship designer...

 

You think girls look "hot" in wet foul weather gear…

 

You think rum is the official state drink…

 

Your best shoes are boondockers...

 

Your car's hood ornament is a ship’s wheel...

 

Your halyards are brand new, but your belt has two splices...

 

Your bar tab equals your paycheck...

 

You use a marlinspike to break sunburn blisters...

 

You've ever traded a Dramamine for a beer...

 

You have to dress up to go to Wal-Mart…

 

You think of duct tape as a long term investment…

 

You've been involved in a bar fight over a barmaid...

 

You'll marry a girl just to claim full BAH...

 

"Even More of those Sailors Behaving Badly"

 Here is a new or should I say (old) collection of pictures from days gone by in our ol’ Canoe Club that would not be sociably acceptable in today’s kinder gentler Navy. Back in those days, we might have gone on liberty in the Acey Duece of a Quonset hut with a deck that had a bar in it overlooking the bay … half nekkit island girls and all you could drink! Yeah, we had having fun down to a science. I don’t know if I’d last six months in today’s Canoe Cabaret. Remember when ‘Boats’ would show you around on liberty to all the places they told us were off-limits?!? There just doesn't seem to be room for having fun anymore...

(Fin)

"Chief Stewburner"

 

The Chief Mess Cook was reputed to be the best stewburner in the entire Navy. After visiting the ship he was on, the Admiral decided it would be good publicity to get the word out about this remarkable man and his culinary skills. So he arranged a dinner and invited the press and the critics along with local dignitaries. The Chief was assigned TAD to the base galley for the show. He prepared an excellent meal and the desserts were the highlight of the night. Everyone was praising the man. The Admiral's wife commented that possibly the Admiral should have the Chief transferred to his staff, removing him from his ship. The Chief got wind of this plot and decided to take drastic measures. As the people gathered to be addressed by the Admiral and Chief at the close of the Dinner, the floor was opened to questions. One of the Food Critics asked the Chief …

 

"What is the one thing you can say about your food?"

 

… The Chief replied …

 

"It'll make a TURD!"

 

The Chief got sent back to his ship in no time ...

"The Sailor Song"

 

Another Great Sailor Ditty by John Valby better known as Dr. Dirty …

I put my hand upon her toe. Yaho, yah

I put my hand upon her toe. Yaho, yah

I put my hand upon her to

She said,"Hey Yankee, you're much too low

Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about. Yaho, yaho, yah

I put my hand upon her knee. Yaho, yah

I put my hand upon her knee. Yaho, yah

I put my hand upon her knee

She said,"Hey Yankee, you're kidding me

Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about. Yaho, yaho, yah

I put my hand upon her tit. Yaho, yah

I put my hand upon her tit. Yaho, yah

I put my hand upon her tit

She said,"Hey Yankee, quit squeezing it

Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about. Yaho, yaho, yah

I put my hand upon her twat. Yaho, yah

I put my hand upon her twat. Yaho, yah

I put my hand upon her twat

She said,"Now Yankee, you've hit the spot

Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about. Yaho, yaho, yah

And now she lies in a wooden box. Yaho, yah

And now she lies in a wooden box. Yaho, yah

And now she lies in a wooden box

From suckin' so many Yankee cock

Get in, get out, quit fuckin' about. Yaho, yaho, yaho...

💋💋💋...x.o.x.o...💋💋

"The COB"

On board the USS James Madison (SSBN 627) sometime in 1973, a submarine was entering state five seas and proceeding to periscope depth during dinnertime. The messcook was delivering a refilled bowl of corn to the Chief's table, and had just arrived at the table when the boat lurched to starboard. The refilled bowl dumped its steaming contents onto the Master Chief's lap …

"Oops. I guess that's Corn on the COB!"

… said the messcook.

"More Navy Toons"

Here are more from my collection of Navy Toons that you won’t find in any current politically correct publication. I hope you enjoy as I've thrown in a couple of my own … 

(Me)

(Jeremiah Paoli)

(Jeremiah Paoli)

(Me)

(Fin)

"The Laziest Man"

One morning at Quarters, the Chief, when addressing his 25 sailors, says,

"I have an easy job for the laziest man here. You get to eat at the Admirals Mess, wear civilian clothes and listen to your tunes while you’re at it. Put your hand up if you are indeed the laziest Sailor here."

Almost immediately, 24 men raise their hands. The Chief asks the other man,

"Why didn't you raise your hand?"

The sailor replies,

"Because it was too much trouble, Chief."

"September Labor Day Weekend Pin-ups"

Innocent but erotic, cheesy yet still oozing sex appeal; it’s an irrefutable fact that these pin-up girls make these motor bikes look even better than they already do …

You have to wonder how these nautical naughties got mixed up with the motorbikes with their salacious female sexuality … I figure that’s somehow simultaneously suitable for the side of weapons, twee tattoos, and more boudoir shoots than you can shake a stick at.  

Well Shipnmates, let’s have at it and enjoy your Labor Day Weekend Pin-Ups …

(Fin)