" Random Funny Stuff "

 Through our adventures in the ol’ Canoe Club, we’ve all had random moments that we’ll never forget. Here are some funny ones I’ve dredged up over the years that I hope you all will enjoy…

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" Stranded "

 

The female crewmember was the only woman shipwrecked on a deserted island with several of her male shipmates. She was so cheerful and pleasant, and kept the crew’s spirits so high through the six months they were stranded on the island that the crew, when they were rescued, bought her an expensive Cashmere sweater. When the female sailor arrived home she was telling a friend about the sweater…

“Crewneck?”

… asked the friend of the sweater …

“They certainly did. That’s how I kept them so cheerful!”  

 

" European Trains "

 

The train was crowded and the U.S. Sailor walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed middle-aged French woman’s poodle. The tired Sailor asked,

“Ma’am, may I have that seat?”

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, “Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.”

The Sailor walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.

“Please, ma’am. May I sit down? I’m very tired.”

She snorted,

“Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant.”

This time the Sailor didn’t say a word, he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked,

“Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place.”

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up,

“Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you’ve thrown the wrong bitch out the window.”

" Barnacle Barney "

 Some old Sailor cartoon from many moons ago …

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" Responsible "

 

A Navy Recruiter was speaking with a new applicant when he inquired about being in the nuclear field…

“Well, this kind of job requires a lot of smarts and responsibility. Do you think you can handle it?”

“That sounds like a job for me. Everywhere I’ve worked, when something went wrong, they always told me, I was responsible.”

 

 

" Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum "

 

Fifteen men on a dead man's chest
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
Drink and the devil had done for the rest
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.
The mate was fixed by the bosun's pike
The bosun brained with a marlinspike
And Cookey's throat was marked belike
It had been gripped by fingers ten;
And there they lay, all good dead men
Like break o'day in a boozing ken
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

Fifteen men of the whole ship's list
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Dead and be damned and the rest gone whist!
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
The skipper lay with his nob in gore
Where the scullion's axe his cheek had shore
And the scullion he was stabbed times four
And there they lay, and the soggy skies
Dripped down in up-staring eyes
In murk sunset and foul sunrise
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

Fifteen men of 'em stiff and stark
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Ten of the crew had the murder mark!
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Twas a cutlass swipe or an ounce of lead
Or a yawing hole in a battered head
And the scuppers' glut with a rotting red
And there they lay, aye, damn my eyes
Looking up at paradise
All souls bound just contrawise
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

Fifteen men of 'em good and true
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Ev'ry man jack could ha' sailed with Old Pew,
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
There was chest on chest of Spanish gold
With a ton of plate in the middle hold
And the cabins riot of stuff untold,
And they lay there that took the plum
With sightless glare and their lips struck dumb
While we shared all by the rule of thumb,
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!

More was seen through a stern light screen
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
Chartings undoubt where a woman had been
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.
'Twas a flimsy shift on a bunker cot
With a dirk slit sheer through the bosom spot
And the lace stiff dry in a purplish blot
Oh was she wench or some shudderin' maid
That dared the knife and took the blade
By God! she had stuff for a plucky jade
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

" Tattooed Sailor "

 

A female student was asked the question in Creative Writing class …

“What would you most like to have along with you to read if you were shipwrecked on a desert island?”

… to which she replies …

“My first choice would be an intricately tattooed sailor!”

( Fin )

" Humor in the Navy "

 Yet again another collection of random Navy cartoons I hope my shipmates will enjoy …

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