" Another Silverscreen Sailor "

 

Hollywood Actor, Rod Steiger once said in an interview…

 “Long before Hugh Hefner, there was the circular bed with the silk sheets and the changing lights. If you have one of those in your room and you add some good music, it may not work as an aphrodisiac, but it’s certainly beautiful, As Pushkin once said passionately, (You can’t romance all the women in the world, but you must try). Of course, there’s one brief romance I could have done without. When I was in the Navy, I got crabs and they had to shave my pubic area to get rid of them. Now that should interest the American public.” … thus the girl in every port.

 

" Happenings on the Mansfield "

 This one comes from a radioman off the USS Mansfield back in the 1960s during the Vietnam War. I hope you all enjoy…

Thought of something that happened in good ol' Subic Bay back on the Mansfield before heading to the Tonkin Gulf. One night almost all of the Wardroom were in the Officer’s Club on base. The tables were full of empty San Migoo bottles and the CIC officer started calling out coordinates. The Weapons Officer began throwing the bottles over the portable partitions, at other officers from other ships! Needless to say, they were all "86'd". A night or two later they were back in the O' Club when the admiral of the base walked in and his aide, a commander, called out …

"Attention on deck!"

Every officer snapped to attention except for the Skipper. Again, all our officers were 86'd. Our Skipper later talked with SM1 Johnson and asked if he could make a flag and the flag was to be ready to fly when we pulled out of Subic. Johnson said …

"No problem, Captain."

When we left Subic and the command "underway, shift colors" was given, the battle flag (yellow-gold flag with a black silhouette of a female and right under it was the new flag, the same size as the battle flag, red flag with white lettering that read …

“TO SUBIC WITH LOVE' and the one-finger salute!!"

 

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“ Navy Nostalgia in The Movie Industry “

 Back when movies were great and patriotism was greater, these were some of the movies America grew up on. I hope you enjoy the art…

./

  

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" Quick and Easy "

 

The Lieutenant’s Wife asked her husband …

“Every time you get underway, the Skipper gives his wife a big kiss and hug. Why don’t you do the same?”

“I’m afraid the Skipper wouldn’t like it.”

 

Seaman Sam to Seaman Jones …

“You said before you married Anne you had something to get off your chest. What is it?”

“A tattooed heart with the name Peggy on it.”

 

Petty Officer Becker to the new booters on board…

“Don’t worry so much about mess cranking. When I was a non-designated seaman, I spent so much time in the galley that I won the ‘Silver Lettuce’ award with a tomato cluster.”

 

What did the Mess Crank say to the Mess Cook?

“Boy, this soup tastes much better in the galley than it does out on the mess.”

“That’s not a soup you’re eating, that’s dishwater.”

 

Some fanciful descriptions of euphemistic overkill describing the instruments of love sailors use while on leave & liberty …

-      Dancing with the one-eyed sailor

-      Fastening the chin strap on the helmet of love

-      Unleashing the alabaster yak

-       Playing the single-string air guitar.

 

 

 

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" Time in the Middle East "

 Spending time in the 5^th Fleet, we get quite a bit of humor from the Middle East. I hope my shipmates enjoy this collection from over the years…  

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" Ship Handling Problem "

- By Jon F Easley  

Dear Sir,

It is with regret and haste that I write this letter to you; regret that such a small misunderstanding could lead to the following circumstances, and haste so that you will get this report before you form your own preconceived opinions from reports in the World Press, for I am sure that they will tend to over dramatize the affair.

We had just picked up the pilot, and the apprentice had returned from changing the 'G' flag for the 'H', and being his first trip was having difficulty in rolling the 'G' flag up. I therefore proceeded to show him how, coming to the last part I told him to 'let go'. The lad, although willing, is not too bright, necessitating my having to repeat the order in a sharper tone.

At this moment the Chief Officer appeared from the chartroom, having been plotting the vessel's progress, and thinking that it was the anchors that were being referred to, repeated the 'let go' to the Third Officer on the forecastle. The port anchor, having been cleared away, but not walked out, was promptly let go. The effect of letting the anchor drop from the 'pipe' while the vessel was proceeding at full harbour speed proved too much for the windlass brake, and the entire length of the port cable was pulled out 'by the roots'. I fear that the damage to the chain locker may be extensive. The braking effect of the port anchor naturally caused the vessel to sheer in that direction, right towards the swing bridge that spans a tributary to the river up which we were proceeding.

The swing bridge operator showed great presence of mind by opening the bridge for my vessel. Unfortunately, he did not think to stop the vehicular traffic. The result was that the bridge partly opened and deposited a Volkswagen, two cyclists and a cattle truck on the foredeck. My ship's company are at present rounding up the contents of the latter, which from the noise I would say were pigs. In his efforts to stop the progress of the vessel the Third Officer dropped the starboard anchor, too late to be of practical use for it fell on the swing bridge operator's control cabin.

After the port anchor was let go and the vessel started to sheer I gave a double ring Full Astern on the Engine Room Telegraph and personally rang the Engine Room to order maximum astern revolutions. I was informed that the temperature was 83 degrees, and was asked if there was a film tonight. My reply would not add constructively to this report.

Up to now, I have confined my report to the activities at the forward end of my vessel. Down aft they were having their own problems. At the moment the port anchor was let go, the Second Officer was supervising the making fast of the aft tug and was lowering the ship's towing spring down into the tug.

The sudden braking effect of the port anchor caused the tug to 'run in under' the stern of my vessel, just at the moment when the propeller was answering my double ring Full Astern. The prompt action of the Second Officer in securing the shipboard end of the towing spring delayed the sinking of the tug by some minutes thereby allowing the safe abandoning of that vessel.

It is strange, but at the very same moment as letting go of the port anchor, there was a power cut ashore. The fact that we were passing over a 'cable area' at that time may suggest that we may have touched something on the riverbed. It is perhaps lucky that the high-tension cables brought down by the foremast were not live, possibly being replaced by the underwater cable, but owing to the shore blackout it is impossible to say where the pylon fell.

It never fails to amaze me, the actions and behaviour of foreigners during moments of minor crisis. The pilot, for instance, is at this moment huddled in the corner of my day cabin, alternately crooning to himself and crying after having consumed a bottle of gin in a time that is worthy of inclusion in the Guinness Book of Records. The tug captain on the other hand reacted violently and had to forcibly be restrained by the Steward, who had him handcuffed in the ship's hospital while he is telling me to do impossible things with my ship and my person.

I enclose the names and addresses of the drivers, and insurance companies of the vehicles on my foredeck, which the Third Officer collected after his somewhat hurried evacuation of the forecastle. These particulars will enable you to claim back the damage that they did to the railings of the number one hold.

I am closing this preliminary report because I am finding it difficult to concentrate with the sound of police sirens and the flashing lights.

It is sad to think that had the apprentice realized that there is no need to fly pilot flags after dark, none of this would have happened.

Yours truly,
    

Harbour Master...

" Happy New Year 2024 Pinups "

 To start off the New Year we give you a bit of Nautical Advertisement in every pin-up. I hope you enjoy these beauties as much as I do …

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