“A Painting Says it All”

At an exhibition, some Navy paintings were displayed to an admiring crowd...

"What a great realist that painter is!"

"What painter?"

"The one that painted this picture 'Sailors at Work'."

"Yes, but something is wrong there. Those sailors aren't working at all!"

"That’s just it, the greatest stroke of genius … the realism in the painting!”

"Shipboard Comic Strips"

Underway on long deployments it could get really drawn out and boredom would set in.  Over the years Sailors had to come up with ways to entertain themselves in these situations. Here are some ship paper comic strips collected from different ships over the years. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have … 

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"Simulated Liberty"

A Boot Sailor came aboard his new ship. He asked one of the older sailors …

“Where’s the booze … where are the women … This isn’t what I was expecting being a Navy Sailor!

The older Sailor says …

We have simulated liberty!”

“What’s that?”

 The young Boot Sailor asked.

“We stand on deck, throw all our money over board, hit our head on the bulk head on the way down to berthing, whip out our Johnson, bang it a few times, then go to sleep. Wake up sore head, sore Johnson, and no money!

… And that’s how we simulate “Liberty” …

"The North Atlantic Squadron"

Sea Shanties have always been work songs sung on ships. They were used to keep rhythm during work and make it more pleasant. The songs were meaningful of a sailor’s life, which included backbreaking labor, alcohol, and longing for girls and dry land. I hope you enjoy this little ditty …

Chorus:

Away, away with fife and drum,
Here we come, full of rum.
Looking for women who peddle their bum
In the North Atlantic Squadron.

When we arrived in Montreal, she spread her legs from wall to wall.
She took the Captain balls and all in the North Atlantic Squadron.

We were seven days at sea, the Captain took to buggery.
His only joy was the cabin boy in the North Atlantic Squadron.

A-sailing up and down the coast, now here's the thing we love the most,
To fuck the girls and drink a toast to the North Atlantic Squadron.

Well, off the coast of Labrador we took on board a floating whore.
We fucked her forty times or more in the North Atlantic Squadron.

A-sailing up to Newfoundland each sailor had his prick in hand.
Oh say, my boys, can you make it stand? in the North Atlantic Squadron.

And when our ship is in dry dock the whores around us all do flock.
It's every man unfurl your cock in the North Atlantic Squadron.


https://www.horntip.com/mp3/2000s/2004_salty_dicks_uncensored_sailor_songs_(CD)/06_the_north_atlantic_squadron.htm

"Retired Old Navy Chief Gets A Job"

A crusty old Navy Chief just retired and was looking for a job in the civilian industry. He came across an ad from the Hotel Astor, they were looking for a driver to transport people from the Pennsylvania Railroad Station to the hotel. The Chief applied for the job and they explained …

“Now this is a hard job. We haven’t been able to keep a driver around for some time. What it entails is picking people up at the train station. All you have to do is when people start getting off the train, yell in a loud voice.....FREE BUS TO THE HOTEL ASTOR.”

… The Chief thought, well that can’t be that hard, I can do this …

So while driving to the train station, he kept repeating to himself ... FREE BUS TO THE HOTEL ASTOR, he didn’t want to mess it up and lose his job on the first day.

Upon arrival of the first train, a huge crowd of people started getting off the train, the old Chief suddenly became very excited and jumped out of the bus while yelling ...

"FREE ASS AT THE HOTEL BUSTER"

 ... I mean ... 

"FREE HOTEL AT THE BUST YOUR ASTOR"

... I mean ... 

"BUST YOUR ASS AT THE HOTEL FREEZER"

... I mean ... 

"FREEZE YOUR ASS AT THE HOTEL BASTARD"

... I mean ... 

"FREE HOTEL ASS BUSTER"

... I mean ...

"KISS MY ASS YOU BASTARDS AND TAKE A STREET CAR ... I QUIT!!!”

"Sailors & Mermaids"

In folklore, a mermaid is an aquatic creature with the head and upper body of a female human and the tail of a fish. Mermaids appear in the folklore of many cultures worldwide, including the Near East, Europe, Asia, and Africa. So it’s no surprise their mythical nostalgia has been linked to Sailors throughout the centuries. Here is a collection of Mermaid cartoons I hope you all enjoy …

"Care Packages"

Once again, another tidbit from our very own “Preacher” Owyn Bradford. I hope you all enjoy the nostalgia …

All right lads, I got a no-shitter for ya. I got a really good care package my mom sent me at Christmastime '66 when I was on Yankee Station. There were some pretty wild girly mags in that box and here's how it happened. She had to go up to Boston on business and stopped in an ... establishment ... in the Combat Zone. Yeah that's right, one of them f**k book stores … LOL!!! She's looking around the racks and the old guy behind the counter gets off his stool and comes bustling over.

"Lady. Lady! You know what kind of store this is?"

My mom looks at him - tattoos all over his arms - and says …

"You ex-Navy?"

"Well...yeah..."

"So am I. First Class. World War II. So's my son a sailor. He's on a carrier on Yankee Station and I'm fixing him up for Christmas. Nothing here I haven't seen before. Nothing here I haven't DONE before. You got a problem?"

Guy shakes his head and goes and sits back down on his stool. Mom gets four mags, pays for 'em and walks out. Yeah there was goodies and pipe tobacco and toiletries ... but those books – WoW!!! She told that story again and again right up to the end of her life. What a sailor! What a woman! LOL …

I was mentioning my mom yesterday and it brought this to mind. ⚓️😁