'Nocturnal Reveries'

Now for all you ol’ Salts out there… this is a ‘No Shitter!’  So gather round and listen up!! Like Forrest Gump… there’s a saying out there that goes…

“Life is like a ten-dollar hooker… you never know what you’re gonna get!”

Way back when young Crackerjack boys were expected to look up girls skirts and down their cleavage with an occasional slap in the face… we were a bunch of oversexed young rascals with a need to get laid regularly or we’d explode and go blind! We were young, fearless and stupid as hell…!! At Nineteen I was no different… a walking hard-on, just like any other young American Boy!!!

Well in my early days as a Boot Camper straight into RTC Great Mistakes, I think it was Week Seven… hell, like I could ever forget… I know it was Week Seven! I had the oddest dream experience!!  Like your average Booter, I’d been on a roller coaster of sleep deprivation hardly gett’n a wink in here and a wink in there between watches!!!

I was having one of them adult oriented nekkit lady dreams where sexual encounters were taking shape far beyond panty elastic and bra hooks! I was dream’n in Colors so loud they would’ve made Stevie Wonder blink!! As I professed my undying love and lustful affection, I was caught up in my own reverie with the girl back home!!  Attractive as she was, she had the kind of ‘Double D’s’ that could poke a man’s eye out!!!     

So there we were in the middle of the fifth position gyration of the Horizontal Mambo when something threw me for a loop!  I’d abruptly awoken with a glob of goo in me skivvies that could fill a gallon jug … I swear!! I let out a sudden…

“Oh Shit!”

… Then the shipmate in the rack above wakes up and asks…

“What’s wrong?”

“I think I just had one of them nocturnal emissions!” 

… Seven Weeks of no wimmins and I was so horny the crack of dawn had to be careful sneak’n up on me!!!

Though there was a mess I didn’t dare clean it up!  I forced myself back to sleep in spite all that man gravy stick’n to me skivvies! To that point… one of the craziest life episodes I’d ever had!! I guess the ‘Salt Peter’ didn’t work as well as they claimed!!!

The next morning as we all awoke to that incessant sound of the bugle they call Reveille, I realized the man gravy in me skivvies case-hardened into a substance rather similar to the ‘Crazy Glue!’  The look on my face must’ve been priceless as my shipmate asked me…

“You gonna be alright?”

… to which all I could say…

“Don’t breathe a word to no one or I’ll kill you!”

But you know what they say… Lack of sex is hazardous to your health! I suppose that’s what happens when you can’t ‘Buff the Bishop’ in a room of Eighty other Swing’n Dicks absent the civilized influence of the perfume smell’n fairer sex!! You see we didn’t have the wimmins in Boot Camp back in those days… at least not in Great Mistakes!!!

For a bunch of young red blooded American boys, testosterone-loaded to the gills, Erotic Dreams of removing lingerie and fondling gorgeous nymphos with torpedo tits was as good as it got!  It eventually led to lots of superficial one night stands and commercial conveyor belt ‘Love you Long Time No Shit’ ladies in faraway places!! A few days later the Company Commander pissed as a Grizzly awoken with a sore head said…

“Swing… You could fuck up a Wet Dream!!”

... How the hell did he know?!?

And as Paul Harvey would say…

“That’s the rest of the Story…!!!”