"The Chief Navigating The Ensign"

I got this excerpt from a book a while back, and I’d like to give props for it, but for the life of me, I can’t remember what book it was!?! Anyhow, I thought this was rather an entertaining bit, so I hope you all enjoy!!!

Chief Benson unfolds the paper and reads it out loud,

“To Ensign Bill Baker. We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, for so long, with so little, that we are now qualified to do anything, with nothing at all.”

Signed

“First Division”

“Why Mr. Baker, I think they like you!”

… Chief Benson replied with a laugh …

“Hey Mr. ‘B’, have you seen the other two notes going around the ship?”

“Well, I’ve seen the poem on sweepers, Chief. Is there another one?”

“Yes Sir!”

… Chief acknowledges as he hands Ensign Baker another piece of paper…

“I think the crew has been getting a little bit red-assed lately.  When these things start circulating, it usually means trouble is really a brewing!”

… Ensign Baker now takes his turn at reading aloud …

“Think you have troubles? Here I am, just a stupid regular Navy bastard, stoned and drunk, pissed off, just waited in line for liberty for forty-five minutes, got the last seat in the last launch, was bumped for the Shore Patrol Chief and missed the boat! I puked on my new shoes; tore my shirt and my wrist watch got smashed. I’m getting a hangover, I’m damn flat broke, lost the key to my locker, and can’t find my identification card! I missed muster this morning, no pass, I’m now a liberty risk, no pussy, no cigarettes, no mail, no friends and damn few relatives who will claim me!  I’m homesick and tired, and the Chief is giving me grief because I need a haircut! I’m higher tenure in pay grade, my rate is frozen, I have an insufficient credit rating, my pay record is fucked up, and my leave has been disapproved! No clean clothes, laundry sent down too late and rejected, I missed chow, the ship’s store is closed and the ship’s Legal Officer wants to see me about the fight I was in at the base club!  I’ve got a hard-on, maybe V.D., I’m about to shit my pants and the ship’s head is secured for inspection!  Then some wise ass ‘lifer’ son-of-a-bitch walks up to me and says … “Ship over for six years, look at all the benefits!” 

“Not bad is it, Sir? I have no idea who thinks these things up, but some of these things are pretty funny! Keep in mind that when these things are going around the ship, it generally means that trouble is a brewing!”

… Ensign Baker nods … “Yes” … to the Chief’s advice, then replies …

“Hey listen, I’ve got a meeting with the XO, Mr. Graziotti, so I guess I’d better be going!”

… As he walks away, Chief Benson calls after him …

“Remember the first three things the XO is going to ask you! ‘Got a cigarette? What time is it? What’s going on?” 

Just goes to prove … It’s always best when a boot Ensign listens to his Chief!