"Made In Japan"

An American Sailor was in Japan doing some sightseeing. On his last day of liberty, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the base. During the journey, a Honda motorcycle drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the Sailor leaned out of the window and yelled …

"Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"  

After a while, a Kawasaki sped past the taxi. Again, the Sailor leaned out of the window and yelled …

"Kawasaki, very fast! Made in Japan!"  

And then a Suzuki sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Sailor leaned out of the window and yelled …

"Suzuki, very fast! Made in Japan!"

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of miles. Finally, the taxi came to the base. The fare was $300 US. The Sailor exclaimed …

"Why is it so expensive?"

There upon, the driver yelled back,

"Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"

"Navy Fatso"

Recently in the news headlines “US Navy is fatter than Army, Air Force, or Marines — a danger to the fleet!”   I mean what do they really expect?  We’re not the service required to hump over hills, hiking in deserts and swamps requiring super fitness. And it’s not like this hasn’t been an ongoing issue since the beginning of the Twentieth Century. Below I’ve collected a few comic scribbles that have been made over the past decades on the fatness in the Navy, only to prove that we’ve always been comfortably wide in our thirteen button up jumpers. I hope you enjoy …

When you cross Popeye and Wimpy …

Too much Navy Sausage …

"Mom's Visit"

After visiting the base, my mother complained to me …

"Security here is so tight, you practically have to give up your firstborn to get in."

… I replied …

"You did!"

"Squared Away Sailor"

It’s 1600 and shipmates are ready for liberty and blowing off steam shouting stupid comments back and forth scrambling to get off ship … that’s how I imagine this fella when he came up with this little limerick. We all knew that fella that showed up to Quarters looking like someone found him in the trash bin. This song has great imagery for an ol’ salt who can remember it like it was yesterday. I hope you all enjoy … 

Well I'm a Squared Away Sailor who loves to go get trashed

And if I'm really lucky they'll send me to captain's mass

Contributing to minors is my favorite thing to do

So if you're underage come talk to me  … I'm 22

[Verse] (All down strumming)

My uniform looks like hammered dog shit

My boots are done and scuffed but I'm alright with it

My haircut is unsat and I haven't shaved in days

They tell me that I'm fucked up in a million different ways

[Chorus]

I'm a Squared Away Sailor who loves to go get trashed

And if I'm really lucky they'll send me to captain's mass

Contributing to minors is my favorite thing to do

So if you need some beer come talk to me …  I'm 22

[Verse]

And I never take a shower, I always smell like ass

I'm eating in my uniform while walking through the grass

And I'm sleeping in my closet while you're running PFA's

And I'm always half an hour late to watch on duty days

[Chorus]

Cause I'm a Squared Away Sailor who loves to go get trashed

And if I'm really lucky they'll send me to captain's mass

Contributing to minors is my favorite thing to do

So if you need some liquor come talk to me … I'm 22

[Verse]

And I make good grades and I love to cheat

I'm that guy who butts in front of you so I'll be first to eat

And I'll be your best friend

Until I stab you in the back

C

Cause I'm your shipmate

But I'm alright with that

[Chorus]

Cause I'm a Squared Away Sailor who loves to go get trashed

And if I'm really lucky they'll send me to Captain's mast

Contributing to minors is my favorite thing to do

So if you're underage come talk to me  …  I'm 22

[Verse/Ending]

Orgies and hotel parties is what I'm all about

Getting them little pretty booters drunk and naked

And then watching them pass out

So if you ever wonder what the hell there is to do

Come talk to me

You can be

A shipmate too

Here’s the video on YouTube …

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNHMdXLDlx0&list=PL6FC03B6D698BE477

… or …

https://www.reddit.com/r/navy/comments/3nwa0z/squared_away_sailor_song_old_but_still_great/

… or …

https://www.facebook.com/SquaredAwaySailor/

"A Sailor's Son"

My daughter and her husband, both in the Navy, have an eight-year-old son. When one of his elementary school classmates told the teacher that my grandson had said a bad word she asked him why. He said …

"I can’t help it. Both of my parents are sailors!"

"Join The Navy"

A pin-up girl was once a man’s best friend underway! Men want to look at them and women want to look-like them. Pin-Up girls have been around since the 1890s' but became most popular in the 1940s' during WWII! Sailors would decorate their lockers and posters would hang at the local locker clubs.  I hope you enjoy these Navy Propaganda posters I’ve gathered for your pleasure …

"Mailed Home"

While in Bootcamp, we were marching to the mess hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. When our Company Commander demanded an explanation, the recruit bellowed …

“This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!”