'Wimmins Infiltrat'n The Ol' Boys Club'

Now before I get into this yarn, I just want to say I already expect the assertions that… I’m a misogynist that must really hate women… blah, blah, blah… and that while growing up I probably used Barbie as a pin cushion for my GI Joes… which I did but that’s beside the point! Yes, we are a sorry bunch of bastards us men!! Sinners we are… neck deep in the quicksand of iniquity!! OOOOH the shame of it all!!!

But I want you to ponder this for a moment… A man, with a bit of persuasion, might open doors for a woman! He might even hold out her chair in a restaurant!! But I’ll be damned if a woman ever does that shit for a Man!!  You might say…
“Well, of course not! That wouldn’t be gentlemanly like!”

… Because by instinct men are expected to care for women… and we as men expect to do it! It no longer makes sense… but it’s engrained in our DNA!! Look at the shit show going on in Washington DC about Selective Service for Women… Capiche?!?


Before women were presented to us by the likes of God on the deck plates of the world’s finest warships we had a reputation devoid of the kindly enlightened impact of the fairer sex!  We often reverted to a more primitive state of thinking traced back to our Neanderthal roots!! Our inner savagery led to pranks and horseplay of Olympic size proportions!! Today’s Politically Correct wouldn’t approve of such shenanigans from sordid Crackerjacks of the Ol’ Canoe Club!!!

I suppose there is something to be said about being civilized… after months of seclusion on a Tin Can bouncing about in the middle of nowhere… men became exponentially uglier by the moment! It is an undeniable fact men become uncivilized when there’s no bosoms & lace around and do some pretty unsavory things!! The ship got underway and common decency was left on the pier… while it became a free for all everyman for himself Smörgåsbord where only the strong survived!!!

Shuffling through that massive cobweb between my ears I seem to remember a bunch of goofballs without a clue! When berthing was a real man’s domicile with empty soda cans filled with chaw, girly magazines on the deck, and clothes strewn as far as the eye could see!! We had the mindset of a Hostess Ding Dong… and thought with one too if you know what I mean!! We entertained each other in the most precarious ways…

“ Hey guys, I found this letter under Swing’s pillow… Oh Darling, I can’t wait ‘til I get back I miss you so much! I have a present for you… In the back seat of my car!”

“That’s why he’s saving up all those Trojans Doc’s been passing out…Ha-Ha!”

Back then it was understood… Girls wanted a lot of things from men and conversely men wanted one thing from girls! It wasn’t complicated… If we open doors for them and gave them a comfortable life then they open their legs for us!! She might say…

“You seem annoyed, I think you might need a sexual outlet!”

To which he might say…

“Well honey, if you’ve got an outlet… I’ve got the prong for it!”

Women traded sex for what they wanted and men traded anything and everything for sex… it seemed like an even exchange!! East was East, and West was West, and the twain would meet at the drop of a hat!!!

Then the women got smart on us… they started figuring out the game and realized they had all the pussy… and with all the pussy comes all the power! Pretty soon they weren’t satisfied with the way things were!! They wanted everything they had plus what the men had too!!!

So the twist in the social rope began! Women got more than equal rights, plus palimony, the child support, the child, the house, the car, the gold mind… and us men?!? Well… we got the shaft!!  But if that wasn’t enough the government in all its wisdom decided we needed to impose women on all the ol’ boys clubs and societies that are out there… even if they don’t want to be a part of it!! So they started infiltrat’n our ranks with the wimmins!!!

Hell, in the beginning, I didn’t seem to mind! It sure beat look’n at Billy Bob’s ugly mug every day!! You ain’t never gonna learn something as profoundly as when it’s purely out of curiosity… and I’d seen some things!!!

The idea of putting women on ships was hardly founded on pent-up desires among women to be our combat equals! This here Canoe Club, in its infinite wisdom, decided it so out of the convenience of Social Engineering coming straight to you from Washington DC!! Before we knew it, women were on board ships and things took their course!! It wasn’t so bad at first… and women obviously knew what they were doing!!!

At first it was like…


“Hey, I’d love to meet you in the fanroom and get down to business… I mean your pants!”

“UUUH, no thank you, I’ve already got an asshole down there!”

But then she wised up and the little gal started wiggl’n her ass like bait to the fish on a tin can underway with hundreds of male Crackerjacks hornier than a Vikings helmet! Next thing you knew women were giving birth like Grand Prize Slot Machines and missing deployments while ship’s company ended up with twenty to thirty percent less manpower!!

“How would you like your eggs sweetheart… fertilized or unfertilized?”

… or…

“Do you want to go halves on a bastard?”

It was a sham… a loss of workforce driven by inadequate contraception… what a pity!!!

Hell, it began to smell fishier than Lady Gaga’s Piano Chair! We horsed around on the sexual fringes at first like all young people do!! Then somebody got their knickers in a bunch and raised the Holy Hell Sexual Harassment Flag!!!

All these women… first they were throwing their legs up in the air, next they were throwing their hands up in the air… and the New Canoe Cabaret was born! It’s like a bunch’a fluttering hens in the coop losing their collective minds with the fox in the hen house!! The immediate cause of flutter is still unknown… but many careers were lost, and many are still going down the drain!!!

Ain't it grand? If a man says a bad word in the passageway, or glances at her legs, a woman should swoon, deftly calling her legal advocate before hitting the deck and maybe going into seizures!! Is this Victorian England all over again?!?

I say rinse the sand out of your crotch and spare the rest of us the frustrations of sitt’n through another unpleasant session of a ‘Red light, Green light’ GMT!  Just say one wrong thing and they’ll be on you like buzzards on carrion… well I've seen road kill better looking than some of those ogres!! It’s all about punishing the Masses for the mistakes of a Few!!!

Don’t get me wrong… I have no objections to the wonderful gals who join our Navy and serve onboard! Hell, a few made some of the best shipmates!! I just don’t see the need to be giving them handicaps and handouts for equal footing!! If you think I’m full of shit, just look at the skewed Physical Fitness Requirements!!!
Then there’s the Tranny issue…

It’s enough to make you as comfortable as a twisted testicle… I think I’d rather play leapfrog with a unicorn! I just don’t know how the young lads do it these days!! Or maybe I’m just not properly anchored to the planet!!!

In the future Navy ‘Drag’ will be encouraged… maybe even required! I swear if I joined the Navy today I’d soon have to wear an armored bathysphere for personal protection!! This could change the whole meaning of sexual harassment in a nutshell!!!