Here is
another one sent to ‘Dan the Navy man’ and his Internet Bullshit Show… I hope
you enjoy this ‘No Shitter!!!’
How many of
you old crotchety bastards remember coming out of Bootcamp in the late
Sixties?!? It was the Vietnam era in the middle of summer, hot and sweltering!!
We’d do anything to get out of the sun and into some cool shade!!!
Well as the story goes and it got better after a few beers... One of our shipmates was a bit stir crazy
after eight weeks of Bootcamp and ready to hit the town! It was 1970 and
straight out of ‘RTC’ we didn’t have a whole lot of Somalians between the lot
of us!! So one of our shipmates, we’ll call him Jimmy, said he was gonna jump
up on the table in the first Go-Go bar we go into and drop his drawers and
start yelling “BINGO” at the top of my lungs!!!
Needless to
say it never happened! We never found a Go-Go bar and Jimmy probably didn’t
have the balls…
About a few
hours or two into our liberty we were about fifteen to twenty Squidly-Do-Rights
heading into a seedy theater to watch a movie! The movie was called ‘The
Stewardesses’ and was in 3-D...complete with 3-D glasses at the entrance to the
theater!! It was kind of a big deal back then… especially since it was out of
the sun and air-conditioned!!!
We all sat
together in the middle of the theater as the movie started out with a gal
knocking on an apartment door! No answer, but the door was unlocked so she walked
in down a hall!! By now you could hear the sounds of heavy breathing and
assorted other sounds associated with sexual conduct!!!
She rounds a corner and with the aid of the 3-D glasses another lady's legs
come right through the screen at you and you see a man’s ass and summer whites,
Dixie Cup and all going up and down in full ‘operational mode’ and just as the Crackerjack
gets his cookies off ol' Jimmy jumps up and out of his seat yelling at the top
of his lungs...
"BING-GOOO...FUCKING BING-GOOOO...BING-GOOO!”
… And the rest of us just freaking erupted in laughter! We hooted &
hollered and pounded on our chests like a bunch of dumb bastards but we were
having the best of times!! I do believe the management or somebody came down demanding
we mind our manners!!!
So later the movie
ends and we're all outside waiting for the transit bus to take us back to the
base! Pretty soon our ride shows up with all of two people onboard… the bus
driver and alone decent looking young lady!!!
Now please allow me to
explain… The driver sits where all drivers do with the first few seats behind
him facing inboard! With fifteen to twenty Squidly-Do-Rights coming aboard, is
where the little Miss was seated!! You could imagine the thoughts going through
most of our heads!!!
So with the
young lady in question seated where she was and being the good Sailors we were,
we filled in every seat around her and began the salutations, flirtations, and
the pick-up lines! Now there was one particular fella who thought his shit
didn’t stink and he assumed he was God’s gift to women… let alone the rest of
the human race!! I just happened to be sitting directly across from him and get
a pretty good picture of everything that was happening as it took place!!!
So the bus
heads off and right away Mr. God’s gift starts running his mouth trying every
corny pick-up line I’d ever heard and then some! Meanwhile she’s doing her
damnedest to ignore any and everything any of us had to say!! I mean he was
using every line, lame or otherwise he could think of to get her to bite the
hook and he wasn’t gonna give up!!!
Bear in mind,
we’re all Crackerjack Sailors in a Sailor’n Town with the high & tight
haircuts and the whole bit!!!
So
eventually, after several minutes of continually bombarding this lil’ thing with
bullshit and desperation…
“So do you know who we are?”
… somehow thinking
this was going to impress the little gal that we’re all Navy Crackerjack
Sailors, Defenders of the free world, and adventurers of the High Seas!! She
finally turns to face him and says in a very matter-of-fact voice…
“Why yes I do! I work with guys like you every
day!”
… To which he brightens up thinking he’s finally
gotten somewhere with her! He then asks…
“Oh really… So where do you work?”
… To which she
quickly and clearly replies for all of us to hear...
“I work at the State Mental Hospital!”
… And
promptly turns back and faces where she was prior to the little conversation!!
We all just busted out laughing like it was no one’s business!!!
After nearly
Fifty years I can still remember it like yesterday! It was too gauddamned funny!!
It gave us all a chance to let out some uncontrolled and tear-filled laughter!!!
