Over the last few years, I’ve gotten a few fresh sea stories or comments from shipmates who read my fantastic blog of bullshit. Here are a few for you to enjoy as we all have stories to tell…
Chuck
Engel writes…Back in mid-70s I was stationed aboard the USS AMERICA. We were
having hamburgers in the mess decks. I bit into mine and nearly broke a tooth
on a piece of buckshot. I took it to the chief cook and showed him. He said
he'd tell me how that happened if I really cared to know, and proceeded to tell
a story about a cow in a pasture and quail hunters. You get the drift. Anyway,
I looked at him and said, So you guys didn't run out of skeet and start
shooting hamburger patties off the fantail? He just caught a visual in his mind
of that because it's the only time I ever saw him giggle.
Onboard
The USS John King (DDG-3) The POOW - deciding to play Quick Draw McGraw
discharged a round that flew across the pier and struck The USS Seattle
(AOE-3). Thankfully one was injured - but ... the Seattle being an AOE had
extensive weapon magazines aboard - including some special ones that were
configured to carry - well - special weapons. Navy Regs at the time required
that any ship so configured - that was involved in an accidental weapons
discharge - no matter how minor - had to be reported to a massive list of folks
- The one at the Top was some fellow named SECNAV. You can only imagine the fun
and games that followed...
Sitting
in Abu Dhabi parked way back in the lonely piers. One of our numbers came back
from an evening imbibing at the Seamans Center. He was somewhat inebriated and
started undressing for beddy-bye time. Decided he wanted a smoke first. The
only place to smoke was the fantail so still buck ass neckit he headed up with a cigarette in hand. He didn't have a lighter in his birthday suit (or pockets)
so he strolls up to the Quarterdeck and asks the POOW "Say, boy, got a
light?" He was escorted back to berthing and instructed to hit his rack. The next morning as he has headed to quarters the Old Man passes by, says "Say
boy, got a light?" Nothing else was ever said.
I was the
E-Div Leading Chief on a cruiser… The XO, a rather pompous person because of
his Grandfather’s history, was observing a tool checkout. He asked me how we
made sure that no unauthorized personal equipment was allowed aboard. I told
him “XO, every electrician onboard has a pair of dykes and used them as
needed”. 30 minutes later I heard my name on the 1MC with orders to report to
the Captain’s import cabin. When I arrived I was greeted by the CHENG and the
(rather angry) XO and instructed to “enter and stand tall”. The Captain asked
me why I was using gender-negative comments. I asked him what he was referring
to and the XO said “You were talking about lesbian women being forced to stand
by your electricians”. It took a moment before I realized what he was talking
about and then I said “Captain do you know what the trade name for side handle
wire cutters is?” He said “Of course Chief, I’m a Mustang electrician myself,
we call them dykes!” At that point, the XO turned beet red in embarrassment. The
Captain, CHENG, and I all got a good laugh about it, the XO turned tail and
left.
It's
damp, it's dark, it's always really slimy.
If the Top orders so, you'll always come out grimy.
Life sucks, you moan, this is NOT what I signed up for.
This is not the Glory I seek, I'll do my four and no more!
Just who does he think he is, This guy is all crisp and clean,
Tellin' me to clean the bilge, as clean as he's never seen.
Having no choice (and really no place to go),
I grab a flashlight, rags, and bags, and wiggle myself below.
This is a whole new world, this space beneath the deck plate,
a world seen by few, dark and desolate, make's one consider his fate.
There are things down there that, whether real or in the mind,
would break the strongest man, in the shortest amount of time.
Crawling through pipes and always a few inches of whatever,
avoiding hot piping and wondering, "will this last forever"?
Amazing, you think, as you gather what lies,
"How does all this stuff find its way down here?
A Coke can, some 'Hot Pockets' wrappers, check this out! Old McDonald's
fries"!
Can be an amazing place, if not creepy and weird, the place you are at,
For until you've found your place as a Snipe,
Baby Snipes starts out as a common Bilge Rat.
(FiN)
A buddy of mine was a bubblehead on a boomer. Early into one of their 90 day cruises, the XO did something to rile up the troops. In response, some members of the crew removed the XO's stateroom hatch, soaked his mattress in water and put it in the freezer, and then returned it.
ReplyDeleteLater on, the crew received an announcement from the XO that went something like this. "I would like to thank the crew for my new open door policy and my cooling mattress. As a reward, tonight's movie will be "Herbie the Love Bug Rides Again, and Again and Again..."
By the end of the cruise, everyone on board could recite the movie's dialog from memory.
SMAL NAVY STORIES
ReplyDeleteI remember my father's stories of Yokosuka Japan. I always wanted to go and those stories where a big part of the reason I chose to Go NAVY. I ended up an East coast sailor. Being from Oklahoma I had a 50/50 shot. My recruiter had a sense of humor. Such is my luck.
When my humanitarian transfer package was approved for orders to the Kitty Hawk I gave up my dream of a WestPac cruise altogether.
At that time the Kitty Hawk was slotted to replace the Lady Lexington as the east coast training carrier in Pensacola Florida.
My wife's son (my stepson Joe) was experiencing a great deal of emotional difficulty and learning disorders the doctors where attributing to our relocation from Norfolk to Pensacola when I rotated to a general duty billet at NAS Whiting Field. My wife had been raised in Pensacloa Florida from age seven. She had been born in Haleyvill Alabama. The package approval was a perfect solution for us.
I reported to the Kittyhawk while in a PNSY drydock. My second Philadelphia Naval Ship Yard Tour. I had Left the Mayport Cruiser USS Dale in drydock to rotate to shore duty three years earlier.
Governments, like women, or any of us, change their minds. The Kitty Hawk went to Coranado Island and a month later I cross decked to the USS Forestal, the new choice to replace the Lady Lexington.
A few short months later I was doing my third tour in drydock at the Philadelphia Naval Shipyard. About 6 months later a work stoppage was ordered. For the first time ever in my Naval career I was under orders to literally do nothing. I complied.
In the end all my humanitarian transfer got me was a page 13 plank from the Forrestal. My wife left me and I ended up being arguably the first, First Class Boiler Tech to ever grace the decks of the Barnstable Countly LST- 1197 as she was Engine Driven. I only say arguably because a former sailor challenged me on Facebook the other day claiming he knew four first class BTs on the Barnstable County alone, during the Vietnam War of course. Who am I to argue.
The Kitty Hawk was transfered From Coranado Island to Yokosuka Japan. I defy anyone to come up with a better true life example of
BE CARFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR.
Yours Truly,
BT1 Darwin Lewis Sedgwick USN Ret.
I refuse to be a MM although they told me my rate changed 3 months before I retired.
Please offer an opinion. Thank you. I published without putting a title. I would like to call it.
ReplyDelete" Be carful what you ask for"
Thank you for your consideration.
Well here is an Old Navy sea story related by my Dad to my Mom in a letter home from USS Piranha (SS- 389) 28 March 1945. My Dad was the CHENG.
ReplyDelete“We have had some good talks this run – the Captain has had a lot of experiences and is quite a conversationalist – he keeps us amused with his stories – one which he told today is particularly funny – would you like to hear it? OK – here goes.
When the Navy first installed evaporators in the ships, the old hands were not used to such luxury and always received the whole procedure of using so much fresh water with a skeptical eye. In the old days fresh water was for the boilers, cooking, drinking and scrubbing paintwork – salt water was good enough for the body and clothes – but the age of science changed that, and some bright lad even rigged up a low pressure steam jet, so you could have hot water, by sticking the jet in your bucket of water –
Well – on the old Wyoming one day an old boatswain’s mate staggered along in his skivvy drawers with his bucket to the steam jet – which was on the end of a 50 foot hunk of hose rigged up from the fireroom below – he put the jet in the bucket – and turned the valve. Unfortunately, someone had previously turned off the root valve below, & all the steam in the line had condensed, creating a sizeable vacuum. Thus, when he turned the jet on, his water disappeared into the hose with a loud swoosh! With his eyes bugged out and his fists clenched, he lumbered over to the hatch and hollered – “All right you scientific SOB’s give me back my bucket of water! –
How about that!”