Just
another evening sitting around the butt kit on the fantail shoot’n the shit
with the new guy talking about things your Grandma would not want to associate
with. We were good at those kinds of things before the Canoe Club Cabaret came to
town…
“ I heard
Smitty got a case of the crabs the other night hanging out in the hole in the wall
downtown. Anybody know what’s up with that?””
“Ah hell,
crabs is something you gotta watch out for. You can pick up those things on a dirty
shitter in no time.”
“Well, if
you had to, you could get rid of them by putting a mirror on the floor. Then
squat over the mirror and the crabs will see another set of balls and jump on
the mirror. Then you then take off running and leave the bastards behind.”
“That’s
the dumbest shit I ever heard!”
“An old
Chief told me the best way to get rid of crabs was to shave half of your pubes,
pour lighter fluid on the other half, light it on fire then stab them with an
ice pick when they come running out from the fire.”
“That ain’t
nothing. I heard the Marines put lighter fluid on their balls and light it up.
When the little critters run out, those damn marines shoot’em up with a trusty
ol’ 45.”
“That’s
so stupid … I wouldn’t put it past one of them jarheads.”
“Well, I
heard of guys using JP5 to get rid of crabs!”
“Hell, we
used kerosene back in Nam.”
“You old
coot! Of course you did.”
“On the “USS
Last Ship” this girl gave me crabs and the clap the night before a dress white
Admiral inspection in Subic ... you haven't lived until your standing in that
hot sun for over an hour dripping and wanting to rip a hole in your pocket
to scratch your balls...
“Hell, back
in Bootcamp, our brother Company had a crab infestation that was passed through
their laundry. We gave them the nickname, “Crab company!”
“Here’s a
no-shitter! Back when I was stationed at the Naval Hospital in Oakland, our skipper
stayed home and sent the XO to a conference back east. The skipper loved
seafood so the XO had a case of crabs and some 'Old Bay' sent to him. The Base paper wanted
to publish the story … "XO gives CO crabs".....!”
“We told
the new guys not to let their blankets or sheets touch the floor. Cause them there
were circus crabs, and they could jump from one rack to the next!”
“After a
visit to Ocho Rios the crabs were so bad they “were” jumping from rack to rack!
Thank God I was spared but I think engineering berthing was infested. I’d never
seen so much ball scratching at quarters.”
“I had a
buddy get "clap of the yap" (gonorrhea in the throat). They had to
put a tube down his throat!”
… And
there you have it. Another typical evening of shoot’n the shit with the new guy
next to the butt kit on the fantail. I think they call it hazing or some shit
nowadays. Who would’ve guessed that fuck’n with the new guy would get you in so
much trouble…
We were told not to put toothpicks in the shitter because the crabs can pole volt
ReplyDeleteTrue Story: My first case of the crabs. Here I was looking at what I thought was the beginning of some kind of rash. I go to sick bay to have it checked out. The doc gives me some kind of lotion. Looked like calamine lotion you would us for poison ivory.
ReplyDeleteI’m in the berthing compartment after a shower applying the lotion. One of my shipmates asks me “what in the fuck are you doing?” I explain the sick bay visit and the lotion. My shipmate replies” SHIT!”
He tells me to pick off a piece of that rash and place it on the back of your hand. I do so. He then takes a lit cigarette and places it next to the rash particle. The rash starts crawling. He tells me “you have the crabs”
Now it’s back down to sick bay. I’m now given crab powder.
Years later. I get the crabs, I recognize the problem immediately. I’m thinking how can I handle this without going to sick bay?
I shave the area. Spray the area with that little green can of insecticide. Take a hot shower. Dry off. Spray again. IT WORKED!
OMG. Any comment that begins with, “My first case of . . . “ LOL
ReplyDeleteCaught Scabies from a barstool in Subic, no fun at all but the scratch was almost as good as an orgasm Made sure not to go commando every again!!
ReplyDelete