July's 'Riggin' Bill'

Just the semi-articulate account of a long ago Crackerjack and his troubles & tributes with women and the lost ways of life in those days!!!

Dear Lotta:

At first I did not understand your letter, but now I think I see it all. It is your sister Peachy’s fault!  All the time I thought I was dating you when it was really her!! Lotta, your sister Peachy has fooled us both… she was talking to one of the Marines at the gate when I was coming out two weeks ago and I thought it was you!!!

I walked up and said…“Come Baby, let’s go places!”

She should have told me she was Peachy as she knows how I feel about you, but I cannot tell you apart! Lotta, you have got to believe me and give that French Sailor the brush-off as he is not as dumb as you think!! Anyhow, your knee can get very callous that way!!!

Lotta, I will make up all this lost time to you! I can teach you all the sailors’ knots in a week and then you won’t have to worry about Peachy!! But first we have to get this situation solved so I can tell you and Peachy apart and not make the same mistake again!!!

Why don’t you dye your hair red?!?

In this way I could tell you from Peachy and what do we care if she copy’s you! There are a lot of colors in the rainbow and we can beat her at her own game!! If you don’t like this idea maybe you can come up with a new one, but in the mean time get rid of this new Frenchy… who does he think he is, Balzac?!?

Unfortunately I spent all my money on Peachy the last week thinking it was you, and pay-call is still a week away!  Would you like to go for a walk on the boardwalk at Coney Island on Sunday?!? We can listen to what the wild waves are saying, and I don’t mean those girls in uniform!!!

Yours,

Riggin Bill