'Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?'

Naval Education and Training Command (NAVEDTRA): The purpose is to

familiarize the chicken with road-crossing procedures. Road-crossing

should be performed only between the hours of sunset and sunrise.

Solo chickens must have at least three miles of visibility and a safety

observer.

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Bureau of Naval Personnel (BUPERS): Due to the needs of the Navy,

chicken was involuntarily reassigned to the other side of the road.

This will be 3-year unaccompanied tour and we promise to give the

chicken a good-deal assignment afterwards. Every chicken will be

required to do one road-crossing during its career, and this will not

affect its opportunities for future promotion.

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Naval Air Warfare Center (NAWC): This event will need confirmation;

we need to repeat it using varied chicken breeds, road types, and

weather conditions to confirm whether it can actually happen within

the parameters specified for chickens and the remote possibility

that they might cross thruways designated by some as "roads."

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Commander-in-Chief, U.S. Naval Forces, Europe (CINC VEUR):

The purpose is not important. What is important is that the chicken

remained under the OPCON of COMSIXTHFLEET and did not CHOP

to the theater on the other side of the road. Without Chopping, the

chicken was able to achieve a seamless road-crossing with near perfect,

real-time in-transit visibility.

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Naval Intelligence: What chicken?

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Naval Air Systems Command (NAVAIR): The chicken was instructed

to hold short of the road. This road incursion incident was reported

in a Hazardous Chicken Road-Crossing Report (HCRCR). Please re-

emphasize that chickens are required to read back all hold short

instructions.

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Space and Naval Warfare Systems Command (SPAWAR): The

"stovepipe" chickens of today will be replaced with a multi-function,

supported, affordable, integrated and interoperable world-class

chicken to warriors and supporting elements, enabling them to

dominate the roads of today and tomorrow, as we move "Forward...

From the Sea." Comptroller holds and corporate taxes, however, will

require delay fielding for two years, unless Congressional plus-ups

are approved.

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Lockheed-Martin Chicken Systems (LMCS): In a partnering relationship

with PEO IWS, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical

distribution strategy and implementation processes. LMCS helped

the chicken change to continue meeting its PEO IWS mission.

However, the actual crossing of the road has not occurred due to

the number of CPCRs still open from the CDR.

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Special Operations Command (SOCOM): The Chicken was never there.

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NAVAL SAFETY CENTER: Due to the increase in the visibility of

the possible dangers in chicken crossings both real and perceived a

Navy-wide Chicken Road Crossing Shall Safety Stand-Down will be

conducted prior to the end of this quarter. Chicken Road Crossing

Safety Stand-downs will be planned by the each command's safety

committee, safety council, and submitted to the planning board for

training (PB for T) for scheduling in the POW/D.

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OPNAV: Due to the recent rash of chicken road crossing events,

OPNAV N 12T has order COMOPTEVFOR to conduct a Chicken Road

Crossing Deep Dive.

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National Security Agency (NSA): We do not have any definitive

information on the Chicken Crossing the Road (CCTR). NSA only has

CCTR metadata or "data about data" of the CCTR. So we can only

tell you how many times the road was crossed, not who crossed it.