"Another Spark of Memories"

 

An old shipmate regaled me with this story that was not only entertaining but reminded me of how I got my current job in good ol’ civilian land.  Apparently, this fellow was a radioman back in the 1960s’ on the USS Mansfield.  Shortly after arriving onboard, the new Operations Officer wanted a tour of the radio shack. So shortly after morning Quarters, the RMC and the new Ops Boss rang the shacks buzzer to let them in. 

It didn’t take a minute for the Ops Boss to recognize a Union Pacific Railroad calendar up on the bulkhead …

“Who worked for the Union Pacific Railroad?”

… He asked …

“My father, Sir.”

“Where?”

“Marysville, Kansas, Sir.”

… The new Ops Boss replies …

“Marysville! What's his name?”

“B.E. Jaynes.”

… He exclaimed …

“Trainmaster Bart Jaynes, hell yes I know him, he fired me!”

Turns out he had wrecked a UP vehicle and our illustrious shipmate’s dad fired him for it. He said the Ops Boss never held that against him. When he got home he told the story to his Dad. He remembered who he was and got a big kick out of the tale.

His story reminded me of when I got interviewed for my current civilian job. As soon as I answered the phone …

“Is this retired Firecontrol Chief Dennis Swing?”

“Why yes it is.”

“Well, you might remember me as Firecontrol Second Class, Chad Graham. I’m about to be your boss.” 

And that’s when I remembered the old phrase…

“Be careful whose toes you step on, they might be connected to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow.” 

And that my friends is a no-shitter! 

" Sailor Speak "

 

A sailor goes on a date with a young lass he just met. After some dance and drinks, she asks him what he would like to do next … 

“Let’s play Navy Bombardiers … I’ll lay on my poop deck, and you blow the hell out of me!”

 

 

" More Joyous Limericks "

 

There once was a handsome young seaman

Who with ladies was a real demon.

In peace or in war,

At sea or on shore,

He certainly dished out the semen.

 

There once was a girl from Decatur

Who went out to sea on a freighter.

She was screwed by the master…

An utter disaster …

But the crew all made up for it later.

 

 A cute little lass named O’Dare,

Sailed on a ship to Kenmare.

But the cute little honey,

Left home her money,

So she laid the whole crew for her fare.

 

 

There was a young lady at sea,

Who said ‘God how it hurts when I pee.’

‘I see’ said the mate,

That accounts for the state,

Of the Captain, the Boatswain, and me!

 

 There once was a sailor named Lee,

Who rescued a gal in the sea …

She asked how to pay,

He said just one way …

Go down for the third time on me!

 

There once was a sailor named Jed,

Who took a mermaid to bed …

He said to be blunt,

I can’t find your cunt,

So give me a blowjob instead!

 

There once was a sailor named Ted,

Who went to his skipper and said …

“Since dating your daughter …

It hurts to pass water …

I’ve bent all the pipes in the head!”

( Fin )

" Joys of Dating "

 

After trying several times to put the

make on a pretty girl, the sailor gave up in disgust, snorting…

 

“You’re a bad sport, and a bad egg.”

 

… The young lady retorted …

 

“I may be a bad sport, but I’m not a bad egg … I was laid just five minutes before you go here!”

 

" What's in a Ship's Name "

In 1981, President Reagan had ordered the U.S. Navy to change the name of a new attack submarine from the USS Corpus Christi to the USS City of Corpus Christi. The change was made after religious leaders objected to the idea of a nuclear attack submarine bearing a Latin name that means the “body of Christ.”

 

" The Ship with the Flat Tire "

 

In “The Ship with a Flat Tire” we live the misadventures of the U.S.S. Carnation, a ship named after the prohibitionist Carry Nation. Carnation is an Auxiliary Submarine Support ship, (ASS-1), converted from an LST and used to deliver torpedoes to submarines at sea. As for the rag-tag officers and crew, they play a similar likeness to the television series M.A.S.H.  There is, for instance, Commander Nord, who has fourteen children, each named after a ship type or naval station. His Executive officer is Lt. Albert Armageddon Schwetzbaum, whose consuming ambition is to create a public Image for the Carnation and take credit for the ship's Navy Bean Soup recipe Contest. (Winner of the contest is Lt. (jg.) Allison, a peanut butter maniac, whose recipe includes, of course, peanut butter. The central figure is Ensign J. Roger Westbury. The Carnation, whose missions may include the transportation of space monkeys, is under threat of imminent decommission from the service. When the ship is finally ordered to cruise down the Carolinas, it has to head back to port because a rubber inner tube used as a substitute shock absorber for the clutch assembly blows flat. It’s a good read I recommend for those into ol’ Canoe Club humor! 

" Sextant "

 

When taking a course on seamanship pier side, we were briefed on the use of a sextant. The instructor began by explaining …

“First 0f all, I want you to know that a SEXTANT is a navigational instrument and not some hippie homeless shelter.”

 

"More Various Navy Cartoons"

 

( Fin )

" July 2023 Pin-ups "

 Here is your July Pin-up selection and a “Happy Independence Day” weekend. Enjoy…

( Fin )