"H&R Preacher"

Now this ain't no shit, mateys!

Years ago when we were at Brunswick it was near tax times and I set up for doing guys' taxes. $5 for short form. I called the operation "H&R Preacher." Now we had this super young ensign about as dumb as they come, let's call him Ens. Rogers, came into the shop…

"You doing taxes for $5, Preacher?"

"Yes Sir. I need all your W2's, S.S. card and the booklet you got. And a fiver."

He hands it all over, just one W2. I go sit down on the bench, fill it out, and give it back…

"There you go, sir. Just copy the return for your records and mail it in."

He looks at the short form…

"That's all there is? That's not worth $5. I want my money back."

"Sorry sir, no refunds. You solicited me to do the work, I did the work."

The officer and gentleman by act of Congress storms out. Ten minutes later phone rings. Chief says…

"Preacher, get up to the skipper. He wants you like now."

Hoo boy, here we go… I walk into skipper's office. There's XO and the good Ensign Rogers with him. Skip says…

"Did you do this officer's taxes for $5, Bradford?"

Wow, he never called me by my last name.

"Yes I did, sir. I didn't go to him, he came to me and asked me to do it."

"Is that right, Ensign? You went to his shop and asked him to do your taxes for $5?"

Skipper's face is red, almost purple. Ensign nods, speechless.

"A commissioned officer. A university graduate. Father's an ambassador. And you can't fill out a little piddling damned form like THIS?"

"Sir... I mean... I..."

"Get the hell out of my office, Ensign, and see if you can make yourself useful for once!"

… He roars. Mr. Rogers decides he don't wanna be Skip's neighbor just then and runs out. Skipper grins…

"You know, Preacher, financial dealings between officers and enlisted is a no-no but since he solicited you I'm not going to say anything. But do us and you a favor. Don't take any more officer clients. This has been the best time I had in two weeks. When you get back to the shop, you tell your chief I said you got early libs. Go on, git!"

He and XO laughed Hard...

"Aye, aye, sir!"

… I bark and walk out.