"Repair on the Sims"

This one comes from an EM2 Steven ‘FRIO’ Donofrio. He wrote this during the 1973 -1974 Med Cruise onboard the Knox Frigate USS Sims FF 1059 in Repair Division. I hope you all enjoy…  

( Click to Enlarge )

The following piece was forwarded to me from former EM2 Landis ‘BRIAR’ Cornett. It was written by a then short-timer IC3 Stephen Gray (who failed t0 include himself). It describes a part of my life aboard the Silly Willy and the shipmates that I am proud to have served with under then DCA Ltjg. Charles “I Never Take Off My Sunglasses” Rodriguez. Repair Division, an integral part of engineering, is composed of four rates; Hull Technicians, Electricians Mates, Machinery Repairman, and Interior Communications Electricians.

The HT’s are sometimes led by HT1 Maurice Bower other times by mass confusion.

Second in command is HT2 Frank (The Nerd) Trimmer who plays at Helicopter Fire Chief during flight quarters and whose ability to clean out stopped-up toilets is beyond reproach.

HT2 Mike Shockey rounds out the ruling class of HT’s and being “short” there won’t be much said concerning his naval views since this is a military and therefore censored publication.

Keeping with the navy pecking order, HT3 Keith Chambers enters the scene. Petty Officer Third Class (Push-button type) Chambers’ obsession with the high-speed, good maneuvering, well-constructed Volkswagen has made him a key figure in the toilet cleaning brigade second only to Frank Trimmer.

HT3 Dan Hinkle comes to us from the Army where he traded ground pounding for wave riding.

For the illustrious strikers (those fools attempting to become HT’s) there is FA John Berger who constantly, in port, tries to disprove the theory that the shortest distance between point A and B is a straight line.

HTFA Mike Baimbridge, the Naval Reservist in our midst doesn’t know whether he’s an HT or not. He evidently assumed the title while going through that tough two week Bootcamp.

FN Leonard Baldini, our bird and rabbit murderer of the division, will gladly tell you the necessity of hunting the vicious man-eating sparrow with a Thompson sub-machine gun.

FN Mike Carter, a boatswain mate reject, has really been an asset to the HT’ with his superior knot tying ability.

Head maladroit of the Electricians EMC Terry (Chief) McDaniels whose trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, brave, clean, and reverent ideas (ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha) have sparked the electricians under him to heights few men have ever achieved.

The manipulator and general enforcer is EM1 George (Frenchie) Ouellette whose conduct ashore is in the highest traditions of the United States of America, Department of Defense, United States Navy, the USS W. S. Sims, and the First National Methodist Church of America.

Next in line is EM2 Harry (Motor Mouth) Patterson with past adventures of the USS Saratoga which are, in fact, unbelievable.

His first and foremost admirer EM3 and a half Oliver (Briarhopper) Cornett Jr. whose speech and mumbled wit require constant translation from the other  barefoot, down-home boys of the division, has brought about the rejuvenation of the now famous song “Jingle Briar” followed closely by “Sixteen Briarhoppers, What do you get?”

EMFN (at long last) Don Braun alias BB alias Buddha Belly alias Bubbles Braun alias ButterBall is one of the comical electricians with his joint checking account with his car-wrecking girlfriend.  

EMFN Vince Sinopoli is from Louisiana and dreams of going to the Mardi Gras. I’m sure that he and his go-tee (all twelve hairs) will make it someday.

FN Richard (Ravin’ Richie) Hughes dreams a little differently. His dreams are of becoming an OS or a QM or maybe a CS or anything out of engineering. He’s our gullible fireman who pleases our sea story tellers by believing every last word as the gospel truth.

EMFN Joseph (Squeaky) Nalli and EMFN Steven (FRIO) Donofrio both are recent arrivals and therefore won’t be subjected to verbal abuse this time around.

Division Officer, Damage Control Assistant and Division Chief ICC Charles (Chuckie Baby) Miller, is the ranking babysitter of the ship’s gyro compass and whose ludicrous inanity on small jobs has given him the title of ‘Ace Sweat-pump’ aboard ship.

Leading Petty Officer of the IC work center is IC2 Danny Waldrop. Although new to the ship, his endless stream of “bubblehead” (submarine) jokes has enhanced the Divisions ever sinking morale.

His right-hand man is IC3 Thomas Davis better known as the old man of the division.

ICFN Daniel Rohde, the other designated striker, constantly attempts to build non-working Heath Kit projects.

FN Gerald Jenkins, the last of the IC Men, is TAD to IC “A” School proving the fact that you can get off the Sims without getting out of the service.

The Machinery Repairmen section of R Division is by far and away the smallest segment, Smallest, not in work load but in number; only two men. The top-dog of the MR’s is MR2 John Phillips. His ability to produce precision cribbage boards and pegs (which don’t work) and his superior (what a joke!) card playing ability has earned him an unprintable name with which to live by.

The other MR, FN Axel Wittenrood hails from Chicago, Illinois and lets you know it as soon as you meet him, so that he won’t be confused with the “hillbillys” in the other gangs.

All kidding and joking aside, being part of Repair Division, is a hard-working, thankless job endured by all the above mentioned men and it was my privilege to be associated with those people for the last year and a half. Just maybe someday, someone will realize the importance of this Division and the individuals who are a part of it…

(Artwork By Jeremiah Paoli)