"February Pin-Ups"

 Now, this mix of the girl next door charm and patriotism leads us nicely to our next month of beautiful pin-up dolls. I hope you enjoy the February 2021 installment of Pin-up girls…

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"The Navy Wife"

 They say the hardest job in the Navy is being a Navy Wife … Well here’s a good one for all the ladies … and husbands I suppose, who had to hold down the fort while their loved one was off gallivanting the Seven Seas!!!

The Lord was creating a model for military wives and was into His sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared. The angel said, "Lord, you seem to be having a lot of trouble with this one, what's wrong with the standard model? The Lord replied, "Have you seen the specs on this order? This isn't a regular military wife I have been tasked to make. This order is for a Navy wife. She is going to have to be some kind of phenomenal creation."

"She has to be completely independent... possess the qualities of both father and mother... be a perfect hostess to four or forty-four at a moment's notice. Run-on black coffee... handle every emergency imaginable without a manual. Be able to carry on cheerfully whether pregnant or down with the flu... and be willing to move to a new location ten times in a twenty-year career... and, she must have six pair of hands."

The angel shook her head and exclaimed "Six pair of hands? Impossible."

The Lord continued, by saying, "Don't worry! I will give her an unusually large heart... that can swell with pride brought through her husband's achievements, capable of saying "I understand" when it really doesn't and "I love you" in the bleakest of circumstances. It has to be an unusually strong heart also, to sustain the pain of separations and to beat soundly when it is overworked and tired."

"Lord," said the angel, touching His arm gently, "Go to bed and get some rest, you can finish this project another day." "I can't stop now," said the Lord. "I am so close to the finished product. Already this model heals herself when she is sick, can play gracious hostess to as many as six unexpected weekend guests, and wave good-bye to her husband from the pier, airport, or depot, without totally understanding why it is that he must go."

The angel circled the model of the Navy Wife, looked at her closely and sighed, "It looks fine, but it's too soft." "She might look soft," replied the Lord, "but she has the strength of a lion. You would not believe what she can endure." Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Lord's creation and announced "There's a leak. Something is wrong with this model. It is not surprising that it has cracked. You are trying to put too much into this." The Lord appeared offended at the angel's lack of confidence. "What you see is not a leak... it's called a tear." "A tear? What is it there for?" asked the angel. The Lord replied, "It's for joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness, pride, and dedication to all the values that she and her husband hold dear." "You are a genius!" exclaimed the angel. The Lord looked puzzled and replied, "I didn't put that tear there."

Author Unknown

"Farmer's Daughters"

A farmer's three daughters leave one night for dates with their new boyfriends, one an Airman, the other a Soldier, and the third a Sailor. The girls all bring their dates home that night, and the next morning, the farmer wakes up bright and early at 05:30 AM to cook breakfast and meet the boys his daughters had brought home. 

The Soldier comes down at 5:45 AM, clean, pressed, and spit-shined, eats two eggs, an apple, and a glass of milk, says, "Thank you for breakfast, sir", and leaves. 

The Airman comes down looking fairly squared-away at 06:30 AM, eats three eggs,
two slices of bacon, two pieces of toast, and has a glass of orange juice. He says, "Thanks for the chow" and walks out the front door. 

At 10:00 AM, the farmer gets tired of sitting inside, so heads to the back yard to do some chores ...

Then he sees the Sailor comes dashing out of the house, dress white top stained,
neckerchief missing, one shoe in one hand, and a scorched old cup of coffee in the other, and yells "Later!" on his way out of the yard and down the street.

His daughters come down a short time later, and he asks them all for
accounts of their evenings...

 The girl who'd been out with the Airman says,

"He was a perfect gentleman.  He bought me dinner and a couple of drinks,
gave me a hundred dollars to buy myself something nice, and retired at 22:00
to the spare bedroom to sleep". 

The girl who'd been out with the Soldier said,

"He was a nice guy, we each paid for our own meals, and he tried to
sneak a kiss from me.  He was sort of drunk, so I let him sleep in my bed,
while I took the floor, but, he did give me fifty dollars to buy myself
something nice". 

The third daughter, looking ragged and worn down, talking about her date with the Sailor says, 

"That asshole!  He came over last night smelling like booze and finished a bottle of whiskey he'd brought with him.  He passed out on my bed last night after repeatedly trying to get my pants off, and this morning he borrowed a hundred bucks 'til payday."
 

"Art of Bill Ward"

Bill Ward was a cartoonist widely known for his risqué artwork. He was most notably known for his artwork in his comic strip Torchy and the Adventures of Pussycat but later wrote short comics and did art for the likes of Humorama, Sex to Sexty, as well as many other magazines. His work has been notable in the mainstream as well with the likes of Blackhawk, Captain Marvel Jr., and Judge Dredd. I hope you enjoy this little collection of his sailor work…

“Now hear this! The next time you find a stowaway in my cabin, leave it to me!”

Yeah, women are a problem, but I sure would like to wrestle with that one…

“The last time I left with a dame like you, I got a black eye and a shot in the ass!”

“Oh, just some souvenirs … “

“Torchy”

“Pussy Cat”

How do mistakes like this happen? 

“What in the world are you two fighting about? There are plenty of coconuts to go around…” 

“More Torchy”

 “But she’s my girl in every port!”

(Fin) 

"Skipper's Inspection"

 

Reviewing his sailors during a command inspection, the Skipper noticed that one of his seamen had a huge erection …

 

“Chief I want you to give that man thirty days leave so he can be home with his wife!”

 

A few months go by and the Skipper holds another command inspection and once again, he notices the same seaman sporting another erection …

 

“Chief, I want you to give this man another thirty days leave.”

 

Two months later, exactly the same thing happens once again. This time the Skipper is angry …

 

“Chief, haven’t we given this young man two months of leave?”

 

“Yes Sir!”

 

… reply’s the Chief …

 

“Then what’s the problem? Why does he have a huge erection again?”

 

The Chief looks him over once or twice and whispers into the Skipper’s ear …

 

“I think it’s you he’s fond of sir!”

 

"Adult Humor Magazines of the Fifties & Sixties"

 Humorama was the precursor to MAD and Cracked Magazine. It spurred on the likes of Fun Parade, Buddies, and many, many more through the fifties and sixties. They were filled with many adult cartoons and jokes that were a sign of the times. I hope you enjoy these magazine covers as much as I do… 

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"Sailor Shenanigans"

 We barnacle-laden Canoe Club card carry’n sailors have been known for our stupid activities of unacceptable behavior overseas as well as homeport. We’ve been prone to tip-toeing the razor’s edge to the loony bin. That’s what happens when you spend too much time at sea… you got to be able to blow a little steam when the liberty bell rings! We’ve woken up in ditches as well as beds with broken bedsprings in brothels around the globe with our skivvies over our heads and empty pockets where we imbibed ourselves with such drink that tastes are comparable to turpentine.  Our philanthropic missions were to collect various strains of crotch critters and countless forms of bacterial urethritis that required a fat square needle in the backside to get rid of …  at least that’s what the Doc’ told me. Yes, we pulled some nutty screwball-hair-brained antics over the years and we got the memories to share. Here’s a collection of those memories caught in time that I hope you enjoy…

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