" A New and Improved Navy"

 

In keeping with the current military push towards efficiency, the Pentagon announced that the greatest naval fleet in the world will not only be fitted with new hypersonic missiles and stealthy jets but moreover with a new, more effective humor. Rear Admiral Perry explained that the bygone era of Navy limericks and shanties were too lengthy and hard to memorize. Limericks such as…

"The cabin boy, The cabin boy,

the dirty little nipper.

Put broken glass, within his ass,

and circumcised the skipper…"

... were to be cannon fodder and left in the rubble of the past. According to Admiral Perry, Navy humor will from this time forth consist of sharp quips that don't require memorization and hence take far less effort to deliver than the antiquated parlance of old. Some new and updated references such as…

"Getting Boned in the Radar Room" 

by I.M. Horny, 

and 

"Exocet on the Screen," 

by R.U. Ducking and Y. Bother…”

These are just two of the snappy new cracks that will soon be standard for our "salty dogs." Classified and standard Top-Secret jokes will be reserved in the event of war.

Furthermore, it will no longer be sexual harassment to utilize anecdotes such as…

“She’s causing my periscope to go up!”

… or …

 “Man, I’d love to swab her poopdeck!”

… or …

“I hear she’s bucking for Rear Admiral!”

… or …

I’d love to drop anchor in her port!”

 I hope this clears matters for the future. Have a good day…

( Fin )