Wednesday, August 21, 2013

'Crusty Ol' Master Chief'

A former Crusty Master Chief from the  ol’ Canoe Club took a new job as a high school teacher.  Just before the school year started, he injured his back.  He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body, but fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. 

On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.  The smart ass punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Navy guy, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.  

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.  When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Dead silence...

The rest of the year went very smoothly.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

'How The Military Works In The Eyes Of A Sailor'

First you got the Air Force that flies in and bombs the hill...
Next are the Marines who charge the hill and kill anything that moves...
After that the Army comes in puts up the flag and stands there like they've done something special...
All the while, the Navy sits back and rules the world!!!

Monday, August 5, 2013

'Old Chief And His Parrot'

An old retired Chief recently widowed goes to a pet shop to purchase a companion of some sort to keep him company. Since he lives in a small apartment, he asks about birds...

"This parrot is an excellent talker, Sir!"

The parrot looks sideways at the ol’ Chief and says…

 "Good morning, Chief."

"Why, what a well-behaved creature! I'll take him."

So he takes the bird home, and the little squaker appeared to be the model of civility,
always greeting him with a polite…

 "Good morning, Chief!"

So he invites a lady friend over for dinner, who is a real knockout beauty. As soon as the parrot sees her, he lets fly a string of sexual obscenities, turning both the Chief and the lady scarlet red!

 "I'm so sorry, Evelyn! He's never behaved like this before!"

After Chief’s friend leaves, he decides to teach the bird a lesson, so he shoves it in the refrigerator for an hour, then sticks it back on it’s perch. Opening one eye slowly, shivering, he slowly grabs hold of his perch…

 "Hoo, boy! I better be careful with this Ol’ Coot!"

But the next time the lady comes over, the gauddamned bird can’t help itself. Out
Fly’s another string of sexual profanity! This time, the Ol’ Chief wastes no time,
and in front of his guest stuffs the bird right into the freezer! When it’s retrieved, it takes a full hour for it to thaw on it’s perch and warm up.

A few days later, Chief looks the vile bird in the eye…

 "Listen, you, my boss is coming over for dinner tonight, so you better behave your-

 "Yes, Chief!!"

But his boss is over two hours early, in time to visit in the kitchen while the ol’ Chief prepares dinner. While the parrot watches, he plucks a chicken, turns the oven up to 400 degrees and sticks it in. At the top of his voice, and in front of the Chief’s boss, the parrot exclaims…

"Holy shit! I wonder what the fuck *he* said!!"

Thursday, August 1, 2013

San Miguel... serving the fleet since the 1920's!!!