Saturday, April 30, 2016

'Chosen Beer Of The PI'

Top 10 Reasons San Magoo is the preferred beer of all true Expats in the PI

10.    By mid-drunk, your other choices are Red Horse, Mojo, and Bull Frog!
  9.   It’s the best bottled beer on the islands!
  8.   Deposit on bottles made the 3 environmentalists on Luzon happy!
  7.   High alcohol content - could be used start beach-party bonfires!
  6.    It only cost $4 American per case - cheaper than Coca Cola!
  5.   When freeze dried & rolled as a cigarette, is only legal drug on the island!
  4.   Stubby bottle design prevents serious injury when used improperly!
  3.   Brings back happy memories of better days (and nights) in Olongapo!
  2.   There's something magical about watching women drink bottled beer!
  1.    Is listed by FDA as "suitable substitute" for Viagra!

Yeah, yeah, I know times have changed and Olongapo isn’t what it used to be! But there is still only one truely tropical nautical beer - the one that John Wayne, Ward Bond and the rest of that P.T. Boat crew drank in that little bar on Zamboanga in the 1943 movie ‘They Were Expendable.’  Except for the kid that had to drink milk because he wasn't 21 yet.

What else is there to know about the beer that makes every man a tiger, and every woman beautiful?


Wednesday, April 27, 2016

'Hunky Dory'



The expression Hunky Dory, is believed by many, to root from way back when Crackerjack Sailors first spent time on liberty in Japan during the 1800s! The Honcho Dori was the place to be in Yokohama and it was renowned for its booze & brothels!! It’s believed the Crackerjacks of yore combined the word Hunky, meaning fit and healthy, with the street name to come up with the new phrase referring to the good times they had at the Dens of Sin in Japan!!!

Friday, April 22, 2016

‘Best things in life’




When I was on the ‘Chucky V’ I knew an aviator who once said…

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm and a good shit. A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time!

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

'Riggin Bill #3'

Just the semi-articulate account of a long ago Crackerjack and his troubles & tributes to the women and the lost ways of life in those days!!!

Dear Violet:

Having ‘tea’ at your home last week was lots of fun!  In fact, when you produced the Vodka, it became ‘tee-hee’ because we certainly did a lot of laughing!!  However, I don’t think your father, Captain Raye, will laugh when he sees his Victory Garden, back of your house!!!

Unfortunately the cork on the half pint bottle of Vodka you gave me to bring back to my quarters was loose! It seems the bottle opened and most of the Vodka poured in the bag of combination watermelon-coconut seeds!! From what I’ve seen, we’re going to have a Victory Garden with a Russian accent, as the Vodka did something uncanny to the seeds!!!

Yesterday I went over to weed the ground and saw something which astonished me!  The garden has flowered into plants which have fang-like twigs!! Every time the wind blows the twigs snap at the weeds and while I watched I saw the nicest garden weeding job in the world!!!

The plants not only ate up the weeds but seemed to smack their lips after doing it! A pretty hard wind was blowing from the river and the plants seemed to snap at me a couple of times!! Of course, I wasn’t exactly frightened as they’re pretty small, but if they get any bigger we may have trouble on our hands!!!

Frankly I’ve never seen anything like it so I called up the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and explained what was going on!  I spoke to the chief geneticist (that’s a seed expert, not a swear word I promise) and he had never heard of it before!! I told him about what happened to the seed mix-up and the Vodka!! He snarled back something about how I must be sewing my wilde oats and hung up!!!

The guy thought I was drunk!  Believe me, this is worrisome!!! I hope your Skipper Dad doesn’t hang me from the yardarms!!!


Your Little Snap-Dragon,

Riggin Bill


Monday, April 11, 2016

'Confusion In Uniform'



My cousin married a former Navy man who now works for United Parcel Service! They bought their four year old son two stuffed bears… one in a UPS uniform and the other in a Crackerjack uniform!! When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full dress…

"See, Connor… That's Daddy!"


Connor's eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice…

"You used to be a bear?"

Sunday, April 10, 2016

'Bell Bottom Trousers'




Once there was a waitress in the Prince George Hotel
Her mistress was a lady and her master was a swell
They knew she was a simple girls, and lately from the farm
And so they watched her carefully to keep her from all harm.

 Chorus:  Singing a-bell bottom trousers, coats o' navy blue
Let'im climb the riggin' like 'is daddy used to do!

 The Forty Second Fusiliers come marchin' in to town
And with them come a compliment of rapists of renown
They converted every virgin that came within their spell
But they never made the waitress from the Prince George Hotel.

Chorus:Singing a-bell bottom trousers, coats o' navy blue
Let'im climb the riggin' like 'is daddy used to do!

 Next come a company of the Prince of Wales Hussars
The piled into the whorehouse and they packed along the bars
Manys a maid and mistress and a wife before them fell
But they never made the waitress from the Prince George Hotel.

Chorus:Singing a-bell bottom trousers, coats o' navy blue
Let'im climb the riggin' like 'is daddy used to do!

 One day there came a sailor, an ordinary bloke
A-bulging at the trousers with a heart of solid oak
At sea without a woman for seven years or more
There wasn't any need to ask what he's a-lookin' for,

Chorus:Singing a-bell bottom trousers, coats o' navy blue
Let'im climb the riggin' like 'is daddy used to do!

 He asked her for a candlestick to light his way to bed
He asked for a pillow to rest his weary head
And speaking very gently just as if he meant no harm
He asked her if she'd come to bed just so to keep him warm.

Chorus:Singing a-bell bottom trousers, coats o' navy blue
Let'im climb the riggin' like 'is daddy used to do!

 She lifted up the blanket and moment there did lie
He was on her, he was in her, in the twinkling of an eye
He was out again and in again and ploughing up a storm
But the only word she said to him, I hope you're keepin' warm!

Chorus:Singing a-bell bottom trousers, coats o' navy blue
Let'im climb the riggin' like 'is daddy used to do!

Early in the morning the sailor lad arose
Saying, Here's a two pound note, my dear, for the damage I have caused
If you have a daughter, bounce 'er on your knee;
If you have a son, send the bastard out to sea!

Chorus: Singing a-bell bottom trousers, coats o' navy blue
Let'im climb the riggin' like 'is daddy used to do!

 Now she sits beside the dock, a baby on her knee
Waiting for the sailing ships a-comin' home from sea
Waiting for the jolly tars in navy uniforms
And all she wants to do, my boys, is keep the Navy warm!

Chorus: Singing a-bell bottom trousers, coats o' navy blue
Let'im climb the riggin' like 'is daddy used to do!