" Can't Take Away My Birthday "

Due to a minor infraction, a sailor aboard a ship bound for Japan was demoted one rank, fined, and assigned extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."

As July 22 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on July 21, he happily repeated, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."

The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the International Date-Line …

And it was July 23.

 

" The Navy "

 

The Navy

A select group of people …

Who can sleep through the roar of a jet engine …

Inhale a whole meal in thirty seconds …

And shower under a water stream weaker than their will to live.

Yet somehow take an hour to piss before liberty call.

After enlisting …

They’re guaranteed a lifelong nicotine habit …

The instinct to start cleaning whenever they hear footsteps …

And an aggressive distrust of anyone who actually enjoys being in the Navy…

Their day starts when someone else decides it does …

And it ends when they’ve mopped the same patch of nonskid so many times they start seeing their ancestors in it.

Most of their time is spent wondering if drowning would be preferable to another safety brief.

They’ve perfected the art of disappearing when work needs to be done …

Reappearing just in time for chow, and getting away with both.

Because no one actually knows where they belong anyway.

Upon their return …

They’ve morphed into people who instinctively cuss out inanimate objects …

Answer to a six-syllable nickname no one remembers giving them …

And consider, yeah, but did you die, a legitimate medical evaluation.

They sacrifice birthdays, holidays, and every decent relationship they’ve ever had so the rest of the country can live their lives without ever thinking about who keeps them safe.

They disappear for months at a time so some kid back home can argue that nobody actually needs the Navy, while live-streaming from a platform made possible by the satellites they keep running.

They are a unique breed of men and women who can Gerry-rig a reactor with nothing but a butter knife …

Debate for hours over which deployment was worse, knowing the answer is all of them …

And still find time to remind the Marines they’re technically in the Department of the Navy.

So here’s to the Navy …

The only place a 12-hour shift lasts 18 hours.

A quick task takes all day…

And the answer to every problem is …

“Figure it Out!”

May your Chiefs be too busy to notice you …

Your paycheck actually hit your account …

And your next port call not get cancelled for operational requirements.

" More Cartoon Art "

Fin !!!

" Burnt Fin "

 

This is a story from Petty Officer Brantly off the USS Towers from way back in the day. I hope you all enjoy …

The Tartar / Standard missiles we carried onboard were of two colors: “blue” for practice (used for DSOTs, Daily System Operability Tests; contained no rocket motor), and “white” (live ‘birds’).  Well, since the “blue” practice missiles were ‘run up on the rail’ once a day, the rear fins (which had to be unfolded each time) had a tendency to eventually wear out.  Consequently, these blue fins were sometimes stored in the Missile Computer Room.

Well, one of the GMM2’s (I’ll leave out his name), thought he would play a practical joke on the GMMC.  We were preparing to have a “live” missile shoot at a drone in a few days, and he thought this would be his opportunity.  The idea was this: he would take one of the “blue” practice fins and paint it “white”.  Then he took his Zippo lighter and “burnt it up” a bit.  The GMMC always went out personally to check the missile launcher after a live firing, so the GMM2 ‘planted’ the “burnt-up” painted “white” fin in the safety net around the launcher just before the live fire drill.

This is where the plan broke down…  The GMM2 successfully planted the fin in the safety net, but when we had the missile firing, the launch was a failure; the missile had to be self-destructed because of its erratic flight.  The GMMC went out to check the launcher, and he found the planted fin, and naturally thought that the fin had fallen off the real ‘bird’ and caused the launch failure!  Before he could be stopped, he took the fin up to the bridge to show the Captain, who radioed the Admiral in charge of the test, who messaged……….who knows how far it went up.

Well, eventually the word got out to the Captain about the joke, and the next thing we heard was “Petty Officer (deleted), lay to the bridge!” We never let our friend live that one down.  Later, we heard that the XO had told one of the chiefs that there was some humor there, but the Admiral was not too pleased.  One thing that I always remember about the Towers crew, both officers and enlisted, we stuck together, at sea, in battle, on shore (and in humor!)...

 

Fin 

" How Many A$$holes We Have On This Ship "

The new Ensign checks onboard and is heading to meet with his Division at morning Quarters. A young sailor passes by and doesn’t bother to salute…

“Hey Chief, who was that guy?”

 “Oh, He’s an Asshole Sir.”

“I know that. What’s his name?”

“That’s his name Sir. Asshole, Seaman Asshole.”

“And that guy over there?”

“That’s Gunnersmate Phillips First Class Asshole.”

“How many Assholes doe we have on this ship anyhow?”

… The whole Division yells out …

“ Yo Ho !!! “

“I knew it. I’m surrounded by Assholes!”

 

  

" Navy Toons "

 Lots of cartoons out there over the years showing the trials and tribulations of NAVY life. I hope you enjoy this little collection …

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" Various Nautical Cartoons "

 Enjoy these nautical gems… 

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" Going AWOL "

 

Fifty years ago, James Cardamom, a northwest Georgia native, enlisted in the United States Navy.

On his first day in basic training, the Navy issued him a comb. That afternoon, the Navy barber shaved off all his hair.

On his second day in basic training, the Navy issued James a toothbrush. That afternoon, the Navy dentist yanked four wisdom teeth.

On his third day in basic training, the Navy issued James a jock strap.

As of today, the Navy has been looking for James for 50 years.

" Deck "

 It’s that time of year when the Deck force is out doing their best to make the ship all shiny and beautiful. Remember “Paint of dirt once & paint over rust Twice!”  Here is a collection of Deck toons I hope you  an all appreciate…

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