Friday, October 31, 2014

'Hot Rod Race (Navy Style) '

I found this little number On the USS Begor website
A Navy Poem whose author is unknown but it was
submitted by a Jack Pate, LTJG, SC, who served from 1955-57


Now me and a buddy and a guy named Joe
    took off on a can from Sasebo,
The chow was poor and the fuel was low,
    but that doggone can could really go.

Now along about the middle of the night,
    we were steaming along with all our might,
When a cruiser behind us blinked his lights,
    blew his whistle and pulled into sight.

We had twin screws on that little old can,
    which might have you think we were in a jam,
But to you swabbies who don’t dig that jive
    that’s 16 boilers and an overdrive.

Now we were men who likely knew
    we could race all night until something blew.
That fantail was deep from the turn of the screws,
    but through the waves we flew and flew.

Over the ocean we did glide,
    flying along with the throttles wide.
The skipper screamed and the crew they cried,
    but we and that cruiser stayed side by side.

We looked o’er the fantail ‘cause we heard something coming:
    sounded like a jet the way it was humming.
It was coming along at a terrible pace,
    and we knew right then it was the end of the race.

As it streaked by our side, we looked the other way,
    but, the crew of the cruiser had nothing to say.
For there going by was a Reserve JG,
    pushing a hopped up LST !

Saturday, October 18, 2014

'Tell'n Them Like It Is'

When the Chief ‘Says’ he’s got a no-shitter to tell… there’s a valuable lesson to be learned from it! Everyone gathers round and listens!!!

Thursday, October 16, 2014

'Swapp'n Lies And Fairy Tales'

Sitt’n with Smitty and Jonesy and some ugly toothless hag in an old cavernous beer bar hardened by the years & beers of Swabbies & Mariners alike… swapping  lies & no shitter fairy tales… because that’s what sailors do!!!


Monday, October 6, 2014

‘Running You Ragged’

This one was sent to me by a Cold War shipmate who either worked with ASROC Nukes or was a Submariner… not sure which…


An E Division Chief while sitting on the aft workbench drinking coffee and looking down at me scrubb’n the deck on the mid watch…

“You know why the Navy is always running you ragged?”

“Why’s that, Chief?”

“To keep you pissed off, that’s why. Happy, contented sailors might think twice about launching a missile that will kill 20 million people in an instant. But, on the other hand, take your average pissed off swabbie who’s cleaning something that’s not dirty for the umpteenth time! He’ll push that button in a fuck’n heartbeat!! Don’t kid yourself, the Navy knows this. And that’s why you’re scrubb’n this deck for the thirtieth time this month!!

Friday, October 3, 2014

'Don't Tell Mom'

“Don’t tell Mom I joined the Navy!”
“She thinks I’m a pianist at a whorehouse!!!”

Wednesday, October 1, 2014


This one was written by an ol' school tin can sailor many moons ago...  

Come gather round me lads and I'll tell you a thing or two;
About the way we ran the Navy in nineteen fifty two…

When wooden ships and iron men were barely out of sight;
I am going to give you some facts just to set the record right…

We wore the ole bell bottoms, with a flat hat on our head;
Always hit the rack at night and never "went to bed"…

Our uniforms were worn ashore and we were mighty proud;
Never thought of wearing civvies, in fact they were never allowed…

What happened to the KiYi brush, and the old salt-water bath;
Holy stoning decks at night cause you stirred old Bosn's wrath!!!

We always had our gedunk stand and lots of pogey bait;
And it always took a hitch or two just to make a rate…

In your seabag all your skivvies, were neatly stopped and rolled;
And the blankets on your sack had better have a three-inch fold…

Your little ditty bag, it is hard to believe just how much it held;
You wouldn't go ashore with pants that hadn't been spiked and belled…

We had scullery maids and succotash and good old SOS;
And when you felt like topping off, you headed for the mess…

Oh we had our belly robbers but there weren't too many gripes;
For the deck apes were never hungry and there were no starving snipes…

Now you never hear of Davy Jones, Shellbacks or Polliwogs;
And you  never splice the mainbrace to receive your daily grog…

Now you never have to dog a watch or stand the main vent;
You even tie your lines today, back in my time they were bent…

We were all two-fisted drinkers and no one thought you sinned;
If you staggered back aboard your ship, three sheets to the wind…

And with just a couple hours of sleep you regained your usual luster;
Bright eyed and bushy tailed- you still made morning muster…

Rocks and shoals have long since gone, and now it's UCMJ;
Then the old man handled every thing if you should go astray…

Now they steer the ships with dials, and I wouldn't be surprised;
If some day they sailed them from the beach computerized…

So when my earthly hitch is over, and the good Lord picks the best;
I'll walk right up to HIM and say, "Sir, I have but one request…

Let me sail the seas of Heaven in a coat of Navy blue;
Like I did so long ago on earth way back in nineteen-fifty-two…

Compliments of Bill Brewer!!!