The author, Lane Olinghouse, once wrote …
“Time
lets you remember the rich, good taste of country butter, and forget about the
churning.”
That’s why it’s always rich when you get the chance to muster
up with someone from the old gang.
An old shipmate, Neil “The Sauceman” Saucier, came to visit me
the other day from all the way across the country. We sat around like a couple of old geezers reminiscing of all those good times we had on the Good Ship Rainier
back in the day. Sometimes we could act like the most unsalvageable riff-raff the
Navy had ever turned out. We were always
having the best time pissing up each other’s rope … a ripe pair of smart ass
connoisseurs.
“Remember
that time I was giving Hert a bunch of shit and he was ready to pulverize me
into a million pieces? Then you and Marcus Cool jumped on his back and tried to
stop him? You guys were getting thrown around like rodeo clowns … it was
hilarious!”
… Then I said …
“I ran
into Woody a few years ago and he reminded me about waking him up at reveille
with my skivvies down around my ankles, slapping my butt-cheeks together … From
one asshole to another, it’s time to get up!”
… Sauce said …
“Oh shit,
that’s funny. Do you remember that time we were being a bunch of idiots carrying
empty ammo cans up and down the ship, a can bounced off the lifeline and
straight back into my face? It was a big whammo with the ammo!”
… I sat there with the dumbest look on my face as I couldn’t
recollect what the hell he was talking about…
“You mean
you can remember talking out of your asshole waking up Woody, but you can’t
remember one of the most traumatic events in my life? I had my two front teeth
knocked out! For months, I had to walk around looking like a kindergartener
waiting for the Tooth Fairy.”
I’ve been known to have a pretty good memory, but it took some
coaxing to knock the rust off those cranial gears before it started to come to
me. Sauceman had to walk around the ship with a false tooth retainer for the
rest of his time onboard. I remember now, because he’d take his retainer out
and mess with the fellas just like a shipmate should! A couple of shipmates were sitting around watching a movie in the lounge, and out pops two front teeth on
the table while one of the fellas was enjoying his popcorn or sucking down a
soda. We were just a couple of bluejacket idiots enjoying our time with fellow
practitioners of our limb swinging, saltwater, seagoing berthing treehouse. Common
decency stopped at the door and was usually not welcomed in such places in
those days. We just rode each other’s nerves like brothers always do.
It was great to see the ol’ Sauceman as we tossed around pure
unadulterated bullshit of long-ago oxidized memories onboard old Lucky No. 7 …
such wonderful memories they were. He teased me for sticking around long enough
to become an old barnacle-encrusted Navy Chief … foul-weathered, foul-mouthed,
and all.
I hope I can find some more sea story bullshit artists in the
future to pluck a few more memories out of the cobwebs … I know you
rapscallions are out there.
( Fin )
