“ Men Of The Ship “

 

Beneath the forge of stormy seas they toil,
Navy sailors, bound by sweat and coil,
Hellish hours, their spirits strained,
In relentless winds, their courage maintained.

Whipcracking tempests, tempers flare,
But steadfast hearts are always there,
Kicks to falter, yet never fall,
Resilience echoes through it all.

And standing tall amidst the fray,
The Navy Chief shows the way—
A steady hand, a guiding light,
To straighten wrongs and set things right.

In discipline’s relentless embrace,
They forge a bond, a sacred place,
Where duty’s fire forever burns,
And honor’s call each soul returns.

 

( Fin )

 

" Selective Memory "

The author, Lane Olinghouse, once wrote …

“Time lets you remember the rich, good taste of country butter, and forget about the churning.”

That’s why it’s always rich when you get the chance to muster up with someone from the old gang. 

An old shipmate, Neil “The Sauceman” Saucier, came to visit me the other day from all the way across the country. We sat around like a couple of old geezers reminiscing of all those good times we had on the Good Ship Rainier back in the day. Sometimes we could act like the most unsalvageable riff-raff the Navy had ever turned out.  We were always having the best time pissing up each other’s rope … a ripe pair of smart ass connoisseurs.

“Remember that time I was giving Hert a bunch of shit and he was ready to pulverize me into a million pieces? Then you and Marcus Cool jumped on his back and tried to stop him? You guys were getting thrown around like rodeo clowns … it was hilarious!”

… Then I said …

“I ran into Woody a few years ago and he reminded me about waking him up at reveille with my skivvies down around my ankles, slapping my butt-cheeks together … From one asshole to another, it’s time to get up!”

… Sauce said …

“Oh shit, that’s funny. Do you remember that time we were being a bunch of idiots carrying empty ammo cans up and down the ship, a can bounced off the lifeline and straight back into my face? It was a big whammo with the ammo!”

… I sat there with the dumbest look on my face as I couldn’t recollect what the hell he was talking about…

“You mean you can remember talking out of your asshole waking up Woody, but you can’t remember one of the most traumatic events in my life? I had my two front teeth knocked out! For months, I had to walk around looking like a kindergartener waiting for the Tooth Fairy.”

I’ve been known to have a pretty good memory, but it took some coaxing to knock the rust off those cranial gears before it started to come to me. Sauceman had to walk around the ship with a false tooth retainer for the rest of his time onboard. I remember now, because he’d take his retainer out and mess with the fellas just like a shipmate should! A couple of shipmates were sitting around watching a movie in the lounge, and out pops two front teeth on the table while one of the fellas was enjoying his popcorn or sucking down a soda. We were just a couple of bluejacket idiots enjoying our time with fellow practitioners of our limb swinging, saltwater, seagoing berthing treehouse. Common decency stopped at the door and was usually not welcomed in such places in those days. We just rode each other’s nerves like brothers always do.

It was great to see the ol’ Sauceman as we tossed around pure unadulterated bullshit of long-ago oxidized memories onboard old Lucky No. 7 … such wonderful memories they were. He teased me for sticking around long enough to become an old barnacle-encrusted Navy Chief … foul-weathered, foul-mouthed, and all.

I hope I can find some more sea story bullshit artists in the future to pluck a few more memories out of the cobwebs … I know you rapscallions are out there.

 

( Fin )

 

" Can't Take Away My Birthday "

Due to a minor infraction, a sailor aboard a ship bound for Japan was demoted one rank, fined, and assigned extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."

As July 22 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on July 21, he happily repeated, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."

The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the International Date-Line …

And it was July 23.

 

" The Navy "

 

The Navy

A select group of people …

Who can sleep through the roar of a jet engine …

Inhale a whole meal in thirty seconds …

And shower under a water stream weaker than their will to live.

Yet somehow take an hour to piss before liberty call.

After enlisting …

They’re guaranteed a lifelong nicotine habit …

The instinct to start cleaning whenever they hear footsteps …

And an aggressive distrust of anyone who actually enjoys being in the Navy…

Their day starts when someone else decides it does …

And it ends when they’ve mopped the same patch of nonskid so many times they start seeing their ancestors in it.

Most of their time is spent wondering if drowning would be preferable to another safety brief.

They’ve perfected the art of disappearing when work needs to be done …

Reappearing just in time for chow, and getting away with both.

Because no one actually knows where they belong anyway.

Upon their return …

They’ve morphed into people who instinctively cuss out inanimate objects …

Answer to a six-syllable nickname no one remembers giving them …

And consider, yeah, but did you die, a legitimate medical evaluation.

They sacrifice birthdays, holidays, and every decent relationship they’ve ever had so the rest of the country can live their lives without ever thinking about who keeps them safe.

They disappear for months at a time so some kid back home can argue that nobody actually needs the Navy, while live-streaming from a platform made possible by the satellites they keep running.

They are a unique breed of men and women who can Gerry-rig a reactor with nothing but a butter knife …

Debate for hours over which deployment was worse, knowing the answer is all of them …

And still find time to remind the Marines they’re technically in the Department of the Navy.

So here’s to the Navy …

The only place a 12-hour shift lasts 18 hours.

A quick task takes all day…

And the answer to every problem is …

“Figure it Out!”

May your Chiefs be too busy to notice you …

Your paycheck actually hit your account …

And your next port call not get cancelled for operational requirements.

" Jumper Flaps "

 

A sailor walks into a bar to meet up with a shipmate. His shipmate notices that the flaps of his jumpers are half-unbuttoned and hanging over. He says …

“Your jumper pants are unflapped. You might want to button it up and fix that.”

“No, not today. My girlfriend just passed away, and it’s at half-mast in her memory…”

" June 2025 Pinups "

I hope you enjoy these Dollhouse Beauties. I collected them for you pleasure …

 

… Fin …

" More Cartoon Art "

Fin !!!