" The Navy "

 

The Navy

A select group of people …

Who can sleep through the roar of a jet engine …

Inhale a whole meal in thirty seconds …

And shower under a water stream weaker than their will to live.

Yet somehow take an hour to piss before liberty call.

After enlisting …

They’re guaranteed a lifelong nicotine habit …

The instinct to start cleaning whenever they hear footsteps …

And an aggressive distrust of anyone who actually enjoys being in the Navy…

Their day starts when someone else decides it does …

And it ends when they’ve mopped the same patch of nonskid so many times they start seeing their ancestors in it.

Most of their time is spent wondering if drowning would be preferable to another safety brief.

They’ve perfected the art of disappearing when work needs to be done …

Reappearing just in time for chow, and getting away with both.

Because no one actually knows where they belong anyway.

Upon their return …

They’ve morphed into people who instinctively cuss out inanimate objects …

Answer to a six-syllable nickname no one remembers giving them …

And consider, yeah, but did you die, a legitimate medical evaluation.

They sacrifice birthdays, holidays, and every decent relationship they’ve ever had so the rest of the country can live their lives without ever thinking about who keeps them safe.

They disappear for months at a time so some kid back home can argue that nobody actually needs the Navy, while live-streaming from a platform made possible by the satellites they keep running.

They are a unique breed of men and women who can Gerry-rig a reactor with nothing but a butter knife …

Debate for hours over which deployment was worse, knowing the answer is all of them …

And still find time to remind the Marines they’re technically in the Department of the Navy.

So here’s to the Navy …

The only place a 12-hour shift lasts 18 hours.

A quick task takes all day…

And the answer to every problem is …

“Figure it Out!”

May your Chiefs be too busy to notice you …

Your paycheck actually hit your account …

And your next port call not get cancelled for operational requirements.