I'll probably get tarred, feathered and even keelhauled over this...... but in the days before the powers that be took hold of the mold and broke it to pieces, most of the fun loving ol’ canoe club was all about a girl in every port, while drunk and disorderly and other unseemly behavior searching for a pack of smokes and an easy street walk’n courtesan for some hasty gauddamned horizontal refreshment!!!
In particular there was a place… a place called Subic in the PI! A place where stories were made of pure bullshit and some not so much!! I think this is where the term ‘This ain’t no bullshit’ was coined!! When you hear these yarns you’d probably think to yourself…
There ain’t a kernel of fact in that there story… ain’t no way no how!”
You’re probably think’n…
“How profane… no one could have that many adventures and capers from one port visit!"
But I’m here to tell you… if it can happen… it’s happened in the PI! So many Crackerjacks left the brow with no intention of heeding warnings from their Sea Daddies!! After many a story heard by this young Crackerjack of this place… the personal Nirvana of so many who’d traveled it’s way… and after three months of nothing short of Penthouse, Hustler, & Playboy Magazines in a dark rack in the back of some berthing compartment… my perverted mind was like an ol’ metal bear trap rusted shut!! I couldn’t think of nothing but tits & tight asses… and I was look’n for a warm body to saddle up ol’ Rusty!!!
Besides… they say you never forget your first time… and this was my first time in the PI. I was a Cherry Boy and my shippies made sure I knew that from the get go!!!
"Don’t fall in love out their Swinger… she’ll say she love you long time no shit! But don’t fall for it!"
Yeah, I got the message… I knew it was all a game and these gals were looking for a husband to take them to America! I wasn’t gonna fall for that crap!! I just had to remember… as soon as the barfine was paid I was just a customer… just a number… I’m gett’n serviced, and that’s just find… ‘cause I was hornier than a three peckered billy goat!!!
Then came ‘Knock Off Ships Work’ as we scrambled to the berthing douching our armpits & dousing down with the latest cheap cologne ready to hit the streets of Olongapo! Once across Shit River it was out in town where I had ideas of sailors riding rickshaws with knockout local ‘Love Me Long Time’ girls!! But it was nothing of the sorts!!!
Yes… Once across Shit River Magsaysay, downtown Olongapo was an eye opening exotic bazaar of forbidden pleasure and amazing delights! There were sin dens & beer joints of the like with names such as Top Gun, California Club, Sierra Club, The Wagon Wheel… etc,etc!! These were great places to lose your money while drink’n stuff you had no idea what it was or where it came from… and the girls… the bargirls were many… sooo many girls!! I must’a had one of them ‘Gone to Heaven… Cherry Boy’ looks on my face ‘cause all the gals seemed to know it… it was not secret!!!
But I wasn’t looking for one of them manipulative type bargirls! Yes… I was jumpy as a fart on a griddle and definitely ready to patronize some tantalizing bar booty… while three sheets to the wind without having to explain myself at confession or to a psychiatrist!!
Soooo there we were walking down Magsaysay… decorated Jeepneys haul’n cargoes of enlisted wildlife with seats made of five gallon buckets making numerous runs from the gates of Shit River all the way through Barrio Barretto to Subic City! There were pick pocketeers… street vendors… & lady street walkers!! But most of those gals were hands off… a risky proposition probably kicked out of the bar for STDs or scamming the patrons!! Either way… they were the ones to stay away from!!!
We stopped in our first bar and washed down the ol’ thirsties with a cold San Migoo and my ass parked on an old wooden barstool with the names of every vessel in the ol’ canoe club wittled deep in its grain! All the waitresses & dancers were purttier than a picture as the employment requirements must have included the collective breast displacement of a large destroyer... most Filipinas aren’t known for their bra size but those lovely sweethearts must’ve been load’n up on the ‘Chuckwagon’!! A couple of beauties sat down next to us and within seconds they were laugh’n and carrying on!! It didn’t take long for my shipmate, Becker, to tell the girls I was a ‘Cherry boy!!’ They brought a young gal over they’d claimed was a ‘Cherry Girl’ as Becker continued to flip me shit about being a Cherry Boy…
“Hey Cherry Boy, get me a beer!”
…but a younger innocent type was probably the best I could hope for! She had that sweet, virtuous look and I was immediately attracted… thinking back now, it seems strange to come all this way to get all goo goo eyed over some gal in the Phillipines… but I had to remember she was a bargirl and nothing more! I’m just here to get laid!! Becker says to me…
“Swinger check out the turd chopper on her… she’s got some big titties too!”
… Bigger than your average Filipina’s! With my mouth a drool’… I had no idea how to play this game and I was still in awe from the jungle I just walked into!! I asked her to join me and she seemed a bit shy but she was surely interested!!!
This particular cherry girl was as cute as a button. She was tense and I couldn’t help wondering why she was in the bar at all! But once again I had to remember… I wasn’t here looking for my future ex-wife!! As we became acquainted she said she’d only been working about a month… a rooky in the business… all this was making me anxious & horny and I was ready to head out…
Once I paid her bar fine we headed down the road for a hotel, I was like a fish out of water… patronizing ladies providing commercial carnal delight wasn’t something I was used too… never done it up to this point so I was nervous as a Christmas Turkey to say the least!!!
We came up upon one of them pay by the hour hotels… small and about three stories high! Inside it had this colonial ambiance… there were ceiling fans with wicker furniture and large wooden blinds across the barred windows in the lobby. Once in the room on the top floor there was a large bed taking up most of the floor space with fake ferns at each corner and a corrugated roof overhang you could see through the screened window. Hell… it sure wasn’t a five star room at the Waldorf Astoria with Kate Upton but I wasn’t complaining!!!
Dropping her panties she was quite the looker… as she was built like a brick shit house with the greatest knockers… the kind that don’t head for the armpits when she’s lay’n down if you know what I mean! Her every curve… just right… neither too lean… nor too plump!! Nubile comes to mind… the perfect ripeness of a woman before she starts to sag!!!
We kissed for a while and I got hotter & hotter! We took a shower together as I held her honey colored frame close as the water splattered around our humid bodies!! Then we went back to the bed stark ass naked and kissed some more before doing the some vaginal bungee jump’n while giving the monkey a banana… park’n the pink bus in the furry garage.. and hiding the salami while schuck’n the bearded oyster!!!
“I will do anyting you want… anyting!”
Yeah… I buttered her muffin for quite a time but for some reason I just couldn’t let loose of the man chowder! She was tighter than a gnats ass stretched over a rain barrel but I figured maybe it was the heat… or too much San Migoo… or maybe it was just the situation… I wasn’t sure!!!
Then she wanted me to Yodel in her Crevice… now there’s not too many things that I won’t do but muff diving a ‘love you long time no shit’ bar girl?!?
“Honey I’ll do anything but carpet munch’n… after all I don’t know who’s been burying their bone in that carpet!”
Now don’t get me wrong… I gave it a quick thought and considering she was young and claimed to still be ‘Cherry’ it was a hard bargain to pass up as she insisted she was clean… but I wasn’t about to get the ol’ hypoderm the size of a yarning needle stuck in my tonsils for having a nasty case of yuck in the throat!! But we found other ways to make the time well worth it and eventually I was spitt’n out the man gravy!!!
Yes… I had a newly found swagger, as I’d lost my ‘Cherry Boy’ status! I was no longer in the dilemma of enduring that ‘Cherry Boy’ brand!! It was a surprising and happy moment all at the same time!!!
Sooo whatever happened to the young ‘Cherry Girl’ who helped me establish my veteran status amongst the animals of Olongapo you ask?!? I never went back to her… can’t say I figure why… other than I wasn’t look’n for love but a lotta passion fruit if you catch my drift! As many and as much as I could get in such a short amount of time!! I’m wiser and older now… and often wonder if I’d made her my honeykoe… whatever would’a happened?!? I ran into her on the street about two weeks later… we had a moment of eye contact… neither of us spoke a word… and we both carried on our own way!! But I often wondered as she was the better of all those butterfly kisses…
There were a lot of good recollections… good people in the PI along Magsaysay and all the way to Subic City… a collection of unforgettable memories! Memories, sights and smells that became very familiar to the lads who roamed those very streets!! I have a feeling the way we experienced that place will never be relived… with a bulge in our pockets… eat’n the monkey meat & balut and wash’n it down with the ol’ San Migoo!!!
Is it too late to be forgiven for my iniquitous sins and steered in the pathway of righteousness? Can you imagine what a pissed off hooker could do whittling into the table of some humid happy bar in the south pacific? I need to get a signed chit from Saint Peter asking the great Creator not to hurt me too severely come judgement day... ‘cause I was a lustfully bad, bad boy when I was a young lad wear’n the ol’ Crackerjack uniform!!!