“Promises Of Asian Sex In The US Navy”

Here’s another from Smokey Dafino on his encouragement to join the Navy!!!

"You'll get all the slant eyed pussy you can shake a stick at!" … Leared my recruiter with a tobacco juiced grin as he groped himself through his polyester trousers and mimed what I imagined by the grease on his pumpkin shaped head was a Vitalis lubed hand job. Fuck the good training and travel! Obviously sex with hot, young Asian women was this recruiter's top recruiting tool.

"Fuck yes!"

I had screamed out as I got caught up in the moment!!!

My recruiter, Don, was oily and unpleasant, with beady little pig-like eyes, an alcohol flush to his face, gin blossomed nose, and seriously overweight, like a hundred fucking pounds. He leaned back into his chair which groaned under the pressure and lit up an unfiltered KOOL while letting out a thundering fart at the same time. The entire room immediately stunk of rotten eggs.

"Just wait until you get to the P. I., that's the Philippine Islands to you landlubbers!"

… He coughed …

"The whores down there will jack you off and use Brylcreem for lubricant, much better than Vaseline!”

Brylcreem and not Vitalis for lubricant?!? Well, some sort of old man hair tonic, so I had been close…!!! The recruiter lifted his hands and looked up to the nicotine stained tile ceiling as if he was welcoming little baby Jesus down from Heaven.

"Nothing finer than a Brylcreem hand-job. And you won't catch the black clap going that way either!"

That would be the first of countless times that I would hear about the dreaded "Black Clap." Usually you would hear it after you bragged or lied to one of your shipmates about some broad you banged the night before. Your shipmate would be jealous you had gotten some pussy and he hadn't so he’d throw this fairy tale your way. The story was almost always the same. Some sailor in Thailand or San Fran … location doesn't matter, picks up a whore and catches a case of the dose. Only when the corpsman diagnoses it, he gives the sailor the bad news, but not before he calls the Shore Patrol who slap on the cuffs because of what he's about to hear. The news he’s about to hear is gonna drive him ape shit and he'll try to kill everybody in his general vicinity. He has the Black Clap and it can't be cured.

All the penicillin and tetracycline in the world won't save his soul and like fucking Typhoid Mary but more like Gonorrhea Gary. He's contagious as a son-of-a-bitch so they ship him off to some mysterious island never to be heard from again - I would imagine that there's a lot of corn-holing going down on that island with all those infected horny sailors running around - no women to hump and they're all gonna die anyway.

He would be reported to be lost at sea, killed in action, or some other line of crap to his parents and they’d get paid off with his military life insurance (SGLI) so they wouldn't ask any nosy questions. Before I had walked into the recruiter's office the only thing I knew about the Navy came from two things: I had seen the movie The Last Detail with Jack Nicholson last winter. Jack is a sailor's sailor in that flick. Boozing, brawling, banging chicks, smoking reefer, and Jack even tells a jarhead officer who runs the brig to go fuck himself. So that was cool.

And the second thing was this comic fuck book that my brother got from an uncle of ours who had been on a trip down to Juarez, Mexico. My brother had kept it hidden under his socks in his dresser drawer but I found it when I was looking for some loose change and cigarettes. The comic book had these drawings of Popeye the sailor man and his slut Olive Oyl fucking in all these wild positions. Popeye had this huge crank and Olive's beaver was real hairy, not like that shaved shit that's all the rage in the porno industry these days. I know it was just a comic book but gauddamn! If that's what sailors get to do - bring it the hell on!

Don had been so excited that I wanted to sign and ship out that day that he had blown off the standard police check with a conspiring wink. Three hours and a ass-load of signed papers later I was on a bus headed for Minneapolis and the Armed Forces Enlistment Center!!!