“Drop Your Cocks and Grab Your Socks”

 This one is an excerpt from a book I’ve been reading by Smokey Dafino called “Salt on the Nuts.” I hope you enjoy and buy his book. He’s got some funny stories…

 

It was way after midnight. My first official day in the Navy. The bus that had met us at the airport (the sailor at the airport who met our group had been downright rude – calling us fucksticks, limpdicks, needledicks, pricks, and other phallic references) had pulled on to the base and dropped us off at some cement bunker full of metal folding chairs. We sat silently facing a wooden box with a big slit on top.

An officer strutted in …

“Alright, you assholes! I’ve got the fucking duty tonight and I want to get some sack time. I’ve had a long fucking day and I’m not in the mood to fuck around with you pansy little pricks, so let’s get this gauddamned shit show on the road. If any of you cocksuckers have in your possession any liquor, drugs, narcotics not prescribed, guns, knives, pictures of your girlfriend’s pussy, pictures of your mother’s pussy, pictures of your boyfriend’s cock, fuck books, or in other words, anything you don’t want us to find, you now have the chance to discard these items. If you have any said items or anything else the Navy decides you can’t have you will march your sorry fucking ass to the front of the room and drop it in the hole in the top of the box. This is your one and only motherfucking chance to come clean. If any one of you bastards are caught with these items after the next five minutes are over, your ass will be swinging in the breeze. You will be sent to the brig where Marines with huge dicks will bend you over and fuck you in the ass. Is that understood? Gauddamn it, I said is that understood?”

“Yes, sir!” We all screamed out.

About half the room scurried to the front to drop some sort of contraband into the box. I didn’t have anything to worry about since I had been robbed by that beautiful prostitute less than a day earlier. The guy sitting next to me had pulled out a half dozen Trojan rubbers, a pint of Jack Daniel’s, a Playboy, and a Penthouse out of his gym bag. As he was dropping his swag into the box, the officer caught him nervously looking at him.

“What are you eyeballing you fucking geek?” He shrieked in rage…

“Nothing, Sir!”

“Nothing my rosy red asshole! Drop and give me twenty pushups you ignorant fucking maggot!”

The recruit finished his poorly performed pushups and charged back down the aisle, propelled by a swift kick in the ass by the officer…

“Move Motherfucker!”

“Jesus Christ!”

… he whispered as he sat down and rubbed his ass …

“That guy is wearing a cross on his collar. He’s a gauddamned Chaplain!”

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