" Jokes about Jodie "

 

Today the neighbor’s boy across the street asked to borrow my binoculars. I told him I needed them because I was leaving for sea today. He said, “I know!”

When I’m at sea I spend nights looking out my window with binoculars, back at home the neighborhood kids are looking in.

An ugly woman walked into the bar and my friend Jodie bought her a drink. The next day I asked him if that was the ugliest girl he ever slept with? He said “That’s a close call, let me think” then asked me for a picture of my wife.

I tell my wife I want to go to a buffet dinner, she gives me directions to an orgy.

My wife was acting grouchy. I asked if it was because I’d been home for 7 days, and she said “No, it’s that I haven’t had sex in 8.”

My wife only has sex with me when she wants something. Last night she wanted to make Jodie jealous.

I got home from sea and my wife winked at me and said “Tonight all my attention will be on one single guy” I said “I can’t wait” and she said, “Not you, you’re married!”

My wife texted me tonight saying “Come here sailor, the house is empty and I’m wearing a negligee” so I went home and the place was empty.

My wife always wants to talk during sex. Last night she called me from Jodie’s.

My pharmacy has a faulty computer. When I left for sea I had 4 refills left on my Viagra, when I returned four months later I had zero.

I asked my wife if I was a good lover. She said I was one in a million!

My neighbor Jodie called asking if he could borrow some “sexy movies” while I was away at sea. I said “Sure, I’ll bring them over,” he said, “Don’t trouble yourself just tell me how to work the remote.”

My wife is ambitious. She returned to school to get a master’s degree but was thrown out for cheating with the dean.

I came home and my wife surprised me with a brand-new flat-screen tv. I said, “Thanks but how can we afford it?” She used her Hilton Honors points.

My wife keeps taking my Viagra. I said “I didn’t think it worked on women,” She said, “It doesn’t.”

Jodie asked why I was limping and I told him that once in a blue moon, my wife kicks me in the balls while she sleeps. The next day I ran into him at the sports store buying a cup.

In my bedroom, I worry. I think I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.

The only place my wife likes having sex is in the backseat of the car, and only if I drive.

My wife met me at the door in a sexy negligee, unfortunately, she was coming home.

This time home I gave my son “the talk”. I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about Jodie.

My wife says we need to ground our son for stealing condoms from our nightstand. So I talk to the kid and he says “But dad” he says “I thought you had a vasectomy?”

( Fin )