‘Army Of One’

I came across one of them ‘Demotivational’ posters the other day: Army Of One!!!

“Remember that kid, the one who ate glue? He’s behind the wheel of $$Five Million Dollars$$ now!”

Of course the picture displayed an Abrams Tank on its backside in a ditch somewhere in Iraq or Afghanistan…

I remember when the Army came up with that new motto, a sales pitch to modernize the ‘Be All You Can Be’ slogan!! Go figure… I was a recruiter at the time!!!

I thought to myself,

“An Army Of One… what the hell does that mean?”

How in gaudamned tarnation do you produce ‘espirit de corp’ outta that bunch’a blow it out your ass kinda bullshit?? They would’a been better off say’n something like,

“Army Teamwork… cause it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at!!!”

or

“Bravery is being the only one who knows your’e afraid!!!”

I mean, how in the hell do you create a well lubricated fight’n machine outta grunts who claim to be individual armies of one? Who is an army of one accountable too anyway… himself??

I figured if the Army was smart enough to figure out if the enemy is in range then so are you… they should’a figured out how to put together a better sales pitch!!!
I personally like the Seabees…

“The difficult we do immediately… the impossible takes a little longer!”

or the Navy Seals,

“The only easy day was yesterday!”

I remember the first ‘Army Of One’ commercial of some young fella running up a hill with his full pack on in desert weather… trying to prove he had what it took to be an Army Ranger…

Guess it didn’t work out too well for him… about six months later an article came out in the military times on how that poor young soldier failed out of Ranger Training cause he couldn’t hack it… guess they should’a screened a little better for a recruiting ad!!!

I fully took advantage of that article at 0600 hours in the morning as I posted it on the front glass door of the Army Recruiting Office of 71^st Street in Tulsa, Oklahoma… right next to my office! Needless to say, those sons-a-bitches weren’t very humored… had a few death threats and a lot of banter back and forth!!! It also made for a great selling point when comparing services…

‘An Army Of One’… Just what kind’a whacky weed are those fellas in green smok’n anyway… maybe they need some rehab therapy… probably the reason they did away with the slogan!!!

The Navy’s counter point…

Life… Liberty… and the pursuit of all who threaten it!!! –The Navy- Accelerate you life…
Now I won’t call that a stroke of genius but sure beats the hell outta an ‘Army Of One’…

Maybe they were try’n to take off an ol’ phrase from Alexander The Great…

“I am not afraid of an Army of one hundred lions led by sheep… but I am afraid of an Army of one hundred sheep led by a lion!!!”

But I still remember what my recruiter told me before I left to Bootcamp…

“Don’t ever be the first, don’t ever be the last, and don’t ever volunteer to do anything!”

If I only would’a known about Navy Acronyms…

… ‘Navy… Never Again Volunteer Yourself’ …