Doctors are often confronted with
less-than-savory aspects of the human condition. In the following medical
paper, two doctors must solve the enigma of two sailors, one inflatable doll,
and a communal case of the clap.
This mystery is plumbed in Ellen Kleist and
Harald Moi's Ig Nobel Prize-winning paper ("Transmission of Gonorrhea
Through an Inflatable Doll") from a 1996 volume of Genitourinary Medicine (NCBI). In this
brief study, the authors recount the mystery of a sailor who had picked up
gonorrhea at sea:
The skipper from a trawler, who had been 3
months at sea, sought advice for urethral discharge. His symptoms had lasted
for two weeks. A urethral smear showed typical intracellular gram-negative
diplococci, and a culture was positive for N gonorrhoeae. There had been
no woman onboard the trawler; he denied homosexual contacts; and there was no
doubt that the onset of the symptoms was more than two months after leaving the
port.
With some hesitation, he told the story. A
few days before onset of his symptoms, he had roused the engineer in his cabin
during the night because of engine trouble. After the engineer had left his
cabin, the skipper found an inflatable doll with artificial vagina in his bed,
and he was tempted to have "intercourse" with the doll. His
complaints started a few days after this episode. The engineer was examined,
and was found to have gonorrhoea. He had observed a mild urethral discharge
since they left port, but he had not been treated with antibiotics. He admitted
to having ejaculated into the "vagina" of the doll just before the
skipper called him, without washing the doll afterwards.
So there you have it. Medical proof that
sneaking into an acquaintance's chamber and having unprotected sex with his or
her inflatable sex doll is downright not advisable — this goes double
for sailors. I hope you've all learned an important lesson today.
It ain't called "sloppy" for nuthin.
ReplyDeleteOK, this HAD TO be said.... BTW names are deleted to protect the guilty!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was stationed on a certain Repair Ship (AR-X let it be named) we were in Diego Garcia for an extended period. Ther is a definite reason that Diego Garcia is known as "Fantasy Island", mainly because fantasy is about the most any sailor can hope for.
Well, anyway, as I said we were inport Diego Garcia aboard a Repair Ship with a Co-Ed crew but not much male/female action happening since the CO had put his foot down rather hard whenver any hanky-panky was discovered. One junior Yoeman decided wasn't going to remain unsatisfied though!
It seems the First Class Personnelman (who happened to be a woman) needed to go by her desk one evening and of course walked into the Ship's Office unnanounced. Unfortunately for our junior Yoeman that was exactly the time when he was most intimately involved with his current girlfriend, an inflatable honey.
I don't know if it had any bearing on the punishment or not, but Inflato-Kate was wearing a dungaree shirt on with a First Class crow on the sleeve. Our young pneumatic Lothario was transferred rather quickly after that. No idea what happened to the airfilled stowaway