Thursday, September 11, 2014

‘Watch Relief’

Sometimes I get stories from shipmates that are too gauddamned funny to pass up... heres one from an anonymous source I thought I'd share!!!

One night back in the early 90s I was standing watch topside while my ship was in dry dock at San Diego! Our Duty Section was short hands so most of us were standing six hour watches!! I’d been drinking Iced Tea all evening before assuming the Petty Officer of the Watch and after an hour in it started catching up to me!!!

At this point I did everything in my power to get a relief, even asking the Officer Of the Deck if I could use the head since it was after TAPs! He wouldn’t budge. Well, as part of the watch someone was supposed to go down to the dry dock under the ship and make the rounds… considering the Officer Of the Deck was and ass and wouldn’t give me the privilege of doing so, he made said rounds!! It was at this point I couldn’t take it any longer!!!

After he headed down the gangway, I preceded forward far enough away from the Quarterdeck for some privacy yet close enough to catch anyone coming aboard or wanting to leave! I unzipped, pulled out the ol’ snake skin and let out a sigh of relief as I let it out over the side of the ship!! In less than a minute I was done and back to resuming the watch!!!

It wasn’t long before the Officer Of the Deck showed back up from the dry dock basin and headed straight for the area I just came from to relieve myself! He began to survey the area with a curious look on his face!! I asked…

“Whatcha looking for Sir?”

… to which he replied…

“I’m looking for the source of the water that dripped upon me while I was under the ship!”

… At that point I did an about face to keep the smirk from giving me away!! And that my friends is a no shitter!!!


  1. better to be pissed off than pissed on!

  2. Reminds me of the lookout on the signal bridge over the pilot house. He was chewing tobacco and didn't have anywhere to spit. So he spit in the open hole, which happened to be an open drain pipe that went down to the bridge the CO's chair. After a while the CO noticed the brown/black slime that seemed to be dripping out onto the deck by his chair. Upon investigation the seaman was given what is commonly referred to as an azz chewin