Saturday, May 16, 2015

‘Politically Correct Navy’

....based on the new correspondence manual you'll want to be non-gender specific:

Seaman is now seaperson

    Man the rails is now people the rails
  • Man Aloft is now just working aloft
   Mannheim Steamroller is now Personheim Steamrollit

  Manning battle stations is now just populating critical need stations. (Battle has     such strong male connotations...).

The Gangway shall become group causeway so as not to offend the sensibilities of, well, gangs.

 A ship can no longer be referred to as "she." Example: "Look at the lines on that frigate--she really rides well, huh?!"  becomes: "Notice the lines on that vessel--it is very seaworthy isn't it?"

 The reproduction machine will hence be the duplicate purveyor.

 No more breast line.

PETA has asked that we stop hurting camels during mooring.

 DCPOs will stop using the MHC designation. Now they'll simply be Covers With Lots of Bolts (CWLB)

 No more screwdrivers--regular or special.

 Man Overboard is history. Just say "Someone fell over the side!" Say it loudly and often--make it become second nature. Say it now in your workspace to accustom others to the loud guffaws it brought here.

Mess b-!-t-c-h and mess c-r-a-n-k are no longer correct. Just say Food Service Attendant or Food Utensil Cleanliness Assistant (FUCA). Example:
"Hey FUCA, we're outta milk again!"



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