Thursday, May 14, 2015

‘Tale of the Bad Fallopian Tube’

Once upon a time, oh sorry, this is a Sea Story not a Fairy Tale! In that case… This is no Bull Shit… 

I served onboard the USS Morton from 1970 to the spring of 1973!  As part of the Precommissioning Crew I made two West Pac deployments on the ol’ gal!! She was my first ship and will forever remain my favorite!!!

I served in OE division as an Electronics Techie and was responsible for maintenance of all the ship's UHF transceivers! Our Electronics Maintenance Officer (EMO) was Ensign Crompton… a very good junior officer to work for, but was after all an Ensign and so deserved all the sneaky underhanded tricks we could play on him!! So if he developed mistrust for his enlisted men, I must accept partial responsibility!!!

On this particular occasion, we had some gear down and awaiting parts! As was his responsibility, ENS Crompton was preparing a CASREP message to CincPacFlt detailing the casualty and the reason for it to remain out of service!! I recall being up to my elbows working another transceiver on the work bench when he entered the shop and asked the All Important question…


"What's wrong with it?"

To which I replied…

"It's got a bad fallopian tube!"

ENS Crompton left to finish his report and I returned to my repairs! A short time later the shop door flies open with an enraged Ensign storming in with boiling blood in his eyes and smoke & brimstone smoldering out his ears… with me in his sights!! When he calmed down long enough to stop questioning my origins and lineage I learned that both the Ops Boss and X.O. had screened the message and allowed him to continue on to the Captain with the infamous Fallopian Tube CASREP!!!

It was a looong time before we got past that one!!!


  1. While replacing a switch tube on a SPG 60 transmitter our Ens comes strolling in. The tube in question was on the bench. He asks "Is this the problem?" Yes sir. The flux capacitor! (out comes notebook and pen) "What kind of power handling?" 3.3 Gigawatts Sir! This goes on for about 5 minutes and then he heads off to the Wierdroom for lunch. Proceeds to inform all and sundry that his FC's have fixed the problem and that time travel is possible. The XO walked over and dropped a copy of Back to The Future in his lap and goes back to eating.

  2. Oh,good one!
    We had a guy chipping paint on the mast take a needle gun to a wave guide.

  3. Oh,good one!
    We had a guy chipping paint on the mast take a needle gun to a wave guide.

    1. Wait... a needle gun to a WAVE GUIDE?!? I was an STS, but even I knew what a wave guide was / is - you don't take a needle gun to that!

  4. Heh heh heh...I bet Captain Harbrecht had a good laugh over that one.


  6. We had one of our FC1`s get tired of our Enswine asking about a casualty and informed him that the problem was a disconbobulated fracistat, well said ensign went trotting off to officers call where he promptly informed the skipper of said problem. They were on the 01 level and I was on the 05 and even I could clearly understand the old man when he blew his stack especially when he asked the ensign if he could tell when his men were F**king with him.

  7. That fallopian tube wasn't Bad, ...just needed somebody to untie the clove hitch in it...