"HOW NOT TO STAND INSPECTION "

This story comes from a Sixties Sailor named, SN John "Weasel" Martin 1964/65. Hope you all enjoy …

At times shipboard life was peaceful, at times confusing, and at any given time could become a very serious matter.  At other times it was like something from a "McHale's Navy" TV script. 

Case in point...

an Admiral's Inspection.  Now being a First Division "deck ape" our mentality was that if we got past the quarterdeck to go on liberty then we were good enough.  However, admirals had a different mind set.

First Division Personnel Inspection was first on the admiral's agenda, followed by an inspection of all compartments and work areas.  Our personnel inspection went off without a hitch.  It was after the inspection that things went awry.  A friend of mine in second division had failed to get his shoes shined, so at his request I let him use mine with explicit instructions to return them to me ASAP so I could stand compartment inspection in the forward head.  We had been ordered to stand by our cleaning stations immediately following personnel inspection until the admiral inspected our compartment.  I did not.  Reason is, I had no shoes.

There was about a 10-inch hole in the deck just inside the forward deck housing.  From this vantage point I could see the door leading to the head and be able to see the admiral approaching, and at the same time give my "buddy" time to return my shoes.  I would run out the hatch and look aft then run back in and look down the hole, and all the while my posted look-outs were keeping me informed as to the admiral's whereabouts.  Then the inevitable happened.  Someone hollered, "The admiral's coming!"  I ran back inside and looked down the hole and all I could see was the "scrambled eggs" that comes with an admiral's hat.

I think at this point that "man overboard" went through my mind.  Instead I scurried down the ladder, ran into the head right behind the admiral and dutifully sounded off my name, rate, division, and why I was there.  He looked me up and down and went on his way never noticing I had no shoes.  My shoe size is 7, and by bending me knees slightly, the bell-bottoms covered my feet.

My shoes?  They went on liberty with my "buddy".