"What's In A Name"

A strikingly handsome young man walks into the office of a Hollywood agent with his resume and portfolio in hand.  The agent reviewed his slim resume and small portfolio with care that was deserving of this fine young specimen.

“You have very obvious good looks and excellent demeanor for an actor. Tell me, have you had any roles that I may be aware of?”

“Other than the requisite High School and College plays, no sir.”

… said the young man.

“I dare to say the reason why, with a name like yours. Your name is Penis Van Lesbian. That’s not a name that will go far in Hollywood. I’d love to represent you but you will have to change your name.”

The young man protested …

“The Van Lesbian name is my father’s, my grandfather’s, and his father’s before him. We have carried this name for generations and I will not change it for Hollywood or any other reason.”

“If you won’t change your name, I cannot represent you young man!”

“Then I bid you farewell. My name will not change.”

With that, Penis Van Lesbian left the agents office never to return.

Five years later the Hollywood agent returned to his office after lunch with some producers and shuffled through his mail. There was one letter that struck him particularly so opened the envelope and proceeded to read the letter…

“Dear Sir”

Several years ago I entered your office determined to be an actor. You refused to represent me unless I changed my name. I objected saying that Penis Van Lesbian had been carried in my family for generations and left your office.

However, after leaving I had a chance to reconsider my hastiness and after considerable reflection, I decided to heed your advice and changed my name. Now I am a famous actor with many roles and known to millions worldwide. 

Having achieved this fame and fortune, it is often that I think back to my meeting with you and your insistence to change my name. I owe you a debt of gratitude, so please accept this $50,000.00 check with my humble thanks, for it was your idea that has brought me so much fame and fortune.

Very Sincerely Yours, 

Dick Van Dyke

…