Tuesday, September 15, 2015

'DI Letter'

This letter was sent to me by a fellow shipmate a few weeks back! I don’t rightly know who the author is or when this was even written but it’s quite a jolly of a letter… I hope all you old Swabbies can relate and enjoy…

So a few years back I had joined the Marines and after my four year hitch I got my degree and went through OCS as a Naval Officer! Like his older brother, my younger sibling joined the Devil Dogs as well!! Here is what my brother is going through In accordance with our family tradition as I sent this letter to his DIs:

To: The DIs of Platoon 3073,

Gentlemen, I am the brother of a new recruit in your company, Recruit XXXXXXX. Recently I have received a disturbing letter from him concerning his treatment while under your care. It seems that he feels that he is not getting enough PT. As a former Marine and current Naval officer, I was dismayed to read this. I am not sure what has changed since I was at Parris Island, but last I heard, 3rd battalion was supposed to the roughest and toughest on the island. Also, and I am sure I must be reading his letter wrong, but I do not agree with his assessment that you guys are ‘A Bunch of Wussies’!!!

Now, if things have changed since my 5 years in the Corps, please disregard this letter. If not, then please ensure that my brother is getting the proper PT he desires. I want to ensure that he gets the type of foundation that he needs to succeed as a Marine, even if he is going reserves. Thank you for your attention and I look forward to shaking your hands at graduation day.

Very Respectfully,

U.S. Navy

P.S. Please let Recruit XXXXXX know that his leotards are safe and sound in storage. Be sure to ask him about the Nutcracker.

Well I came home to the phone ringing the other day with my mother on the other side! She was especially flustered because she had just gotten off the phone with a very scared little brother and a very pissed off DI!! Apparently the DI wanted to talk to me!!!

I tried calling him the next day with no luck! Today I receive an email from my mother begging me to not send him anything else because my brother was told that he was going to get recycled into another platoon for the shenanigans!! Curious and a little infuriated myself, I called the DI and got ahold of him!!!

Apparently the DI only got through the first two lines before, in typical Marine fashion, he exploded and made my brother do about 140,987,398 pushups! Later, after my father's equally malicious package showed up, the DIs figured we were messing with him!! My dad modified one of those musical cards that turn on when you open them!! It was one with Homer Simpson complaining about respect!!!

After my dad modified it, it could only turn off after the whole assembly was destroyed! It showed up the day after my letter!! Awesome…They reread the letter, laughed, and made my bro do another 536,028,875 pushups!!!

This time they let him keep his squad leader position! Now that it is all well and good, may the shenanigans continue!! Another package will arrive in about two weeks... Bwa-ha-ha-ha!!!


  1. Nice. One error, his letter says he was a Marine and now a Coast Guard officer, but he signed the letter U.S. Navy

    1. Said Naval Officer every time I read it.

    2. He's right... I edited it so it makes sense....