"Eval & Fitreps"

Any of you old shipwrecks remember having to write evals or fitreps for your troops? Then there came a point where the Chain-Of-Command (CoC) asked you to write your own fitreps … "Does anybody around here remember if I did anything this year?"  Here we’ve found some great eval and fitrep pearls for you all to enjoy…

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity."
 

"This officer can be likened to a small puppy; he runs around excitedly, leaving little messes for other people to clean up."
 

"This Officer is really not so much of a has-been; as he is more of a definitely won't-be."
 

"This Officer sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

"Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

"This Officer should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

“This officer’s presence aboard my ship is depriving some village of its idiot.”

“This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope – always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.”

“This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”

“When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.”

“Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.”

“She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”

“Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.”

“Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.”

“A room temperature IQ.”

“Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.”

“A gross ignoramus—144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.”

“A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”

“A prime candidate for natural deselection.”

“Bright as Alaska in December.”

“One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.”

“Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.”

“Fell out of the family tree.”

“Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”

“Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.”

“He’s so dense, light bends around him.”

“If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate.”

“If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”

“If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.”

“If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.”

“Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.”

“Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes.”

“Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.”

“Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.”

“When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.”

“He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.”

“Technically sound, but socially impossible.”

“He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.”

“The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship, and even that’s a stretch.”

“Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”

(fin)