Tuesday, April 19, 2016

'Riggin Bill #3'

Just the semi-articulate account of a long ago Crackerjack and his troubles & tributes to the women and the lost ways of life in those days!!!

Dear Violet:

Having ‘tea’ at your home last week was lots of fun!  In fact, when you produced the Vodka, it became ‘tee-hee’ because we certainly did a lot of laughing!!  However, I don’t think your father, Captain Raye, will laugh when he sees his Victory Garden, back of your house!!!

Unfortunately the cork on the half pint bottle of Vodka you gave me to bring back to my quarters was loose! It seems the bottle opened and most of the Vodka poured in the bag of combination watermelon-coconut seeds!! From what I’ve seen, we’re going to have a Victory Garden with a Russian accent, as the Vodka did something uncanny to the seeds!!!

Yesterday I went over to weed the ground and saw something which astonished me!  The garden has flowered into plants which have fang-like twigs!! Every time the wind blows the twigs snap at the weeds and while I watched I saw the nicest garden weeding job in the world!!!

The plants not only ate up the weeds but seemed to smack their lips after doing it! A pretty hard wind was blowing from the river and the plants seemed to snap at me a couple of times!! Of course, I wasn’t exactly frightened as they’re pretty small, but if they get any bigger we may have trouble on our hands!!!

Frankly I’ve never seen anything like it so I called up the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and explained what was going on!  I spoke to the chief geneticist (that’s a seed expert, not a swear word I promise) and he had never heard of it before!! I told him about what happened to the seed mix-up and the Vodka!! He snarled back something about how I must be sewing my wilde oats and hung up!!!

The guy thought I was drunk!  Believe me, this is worrisome!!! I hope your Skipper Dad doesn’t hang me from the yardarms!!!

Your Little Snap-Dragon,

Riggin Bill

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